future Archives - DEAR DEBT

Note: This letter is inspired by my friend Tonya’s post, A letter to my future self. I thought I’d write a Dear Debt letter from the future! For my Dear Debt Letters project, I am also looking for people who have become debt free to write about their relationship with debt. I want to know what it’s really like on the other side!

Dear Debt,

I thought you were the end of me, but it was really just the beginning. It’s been 5 years since I left and things have changed so much. My money is mine to keep. Without you, I’ve grown my net-worth, emergency fund and retirement. I work freelance on a variety of creative projects. I travel several times a year and volunteer for causes I’m passionate about. My life is in focus and I am in the driver’s seat. I can make decisions without thinking about you. I have the freedom to relentlessly pursue my dreams and create the best-version-of-myself.

I was never happy with you, you were a terrible lover and an even worse friend. You distorted my vision of who I am, my self-worth and what I could become. I’m glad I kicked your ass to the curb when I did. I now see how courageous I was to face you, in light of all the obstacles.

I heard you’ve been around the block, spreading lies and spewing bullshit, selling women your idea of a better life. I can see through you; you’re just a desperate leech looking for attention.

I’ve hated you for so long and resented everything about you, but I thank you for making me stronger. Thank you for showing me what I don’t want. I’ve moved on and I’ve forgiven you. And I’m finally free.

Sincerely,
M

I am listening to music, drinking Pumpkin Spice Chai and feeling pretty good. This is a far cry from a few days ago when I wrote about falling behind. Some days I feel great, some days are mediocre and some days I just want to hibernate and not wake up until I am debt free, because the depression is so real.

It’s a certain feeling of stuckness. It’s the weight of comparison and regret that lay heavy on my shoulders. With every move, I am trying to avoid any missteps. I try my best not to dwell on what feels like a mistake and view my life as an adventure. I’ve played the boss and the housecleaner, I’ve lived, loved and traveled, and although this one particular aspect of my life seems to define so much for me at this point, I know I’ve lived an incredibly rich life.

To remind me of this fact, I need to constantly tell myself that it’s not where I am now, but how far I’ve come. When I started this blog, I was seasonally employed and making a paltry wage. For two years post graduation, I didn’t have health insurance. I had a hard time adjusting to Portland and making friends. I was also mired in debt and feeling pretty helpless. I needed something, anything to change. So I started this blog and with my first post I declared war on my debt. The odds were not promising as I stood with little hope, making $20k/year with $57, 426.14 of student loan debt.

Nine months later, I am so happy that my life has changed so much. I got a full-time job, (with 25% pay increase) one week shy of my contract ending and got health insurance three months later. This blog has been a great outlet for me creatively and personally, and it’s given me the ability to connect with so many people. I remember how alone I used to feel. Now I have real life friends who I met because of this blog. I have people who inspire me to continue and not give up. In 9 months, I’ve paid off $10, 783.09! In my first post I said I wanted to be debt free in 4 years (at 32 years old) and at the time that was impossible, but I wanted to set my intention out to the universe. I still have a long way to go, but my goals are actually on track!

Current Debt: $46, 643.05

Because such good things have happened from writing down what I want, I thought I’d establish some intentions for the rest of the year and more specific goals for October.

October:

– Go out to restaurants only once a week (this is my only real vice!)
– Practice Spanish, Portuguese and French on Duolingo.com 5x per week
– Finish one book
– Write a guest post
– Confirm three more people for my Dear Debt Letters project
– Finish recording a song with my partner (he’s a musician, I sing) 🙂

Goals for the rest of the year:

– Make my first $1 from my blog
– Grow Dear Debt Letter project
– Side hustle enough so that I can continue paying $1,500 per month towards debt (do you hear that universe?)
– Learn how to drive stick shift

What are your goals for the rest of the year? And don’t be so hard on yourself. Re-define success and keep trying.

future

A letter to my debt from the future

It’s not where I am now, but how far I’ve come