Dear Debt,
Sometimes I feel so behind and like I will never catch up. I am almost 30 and I have a negative net worth in the forty thousands. At one time, I was ahead, but I chose to stay with you. Add more of you. I felt like you could offer me the world. I projected all my hopes and dreams on to you.
You’ve stolen my dreams. All my hopes are seen through a black veil and a quick reality check that is constantly reminding me that I can’t really afford anything.
If I could only go one day without thinking of you, I’d find some relief. It can be overwhelming, so I try to medicate myself with booze, friends, coffee, travel and denial. I don’t want to be left alone with you.
I am scared of who I am around you. I want to find out who I am without you. Who am I without debt?
I’m trying to be stronger. Even though paying you off still feels insurmountable, I have already paid off $34,000. I’ve come this far; I’d be a fool to give up now.
So I will continue trudging along, with the signature lows and celebrate the small victories. It will be a while, but I will overcome this.
I am not alone, and I am exactly where I need to be.
Love,
M
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17 comments
Keep on paying off debt, the day you tell it ‘goodbye’ is not that far. And you’ll surely enjoy the freedom you’ve worked so hard for 😉
I know several years in the scope of my life really isn’t that long, but it feels like forever! Patience is not my strong suit, lol.
I know this feeling all too well. 🙁 I used to self medicate with wine, travel and denial too! You’ve already paid off so much, so you can definitely go the whole way, good luck M.
I will get there, some days are harder than others.
The sound of a torment soul – you are not alone !
There are millions of us out here who feel what you articulate.
Thank you for your generous comment. I really appreciate it! I hope people can relate to what I wrote, because being in debt feels like a soul suck.
I think finding a way each month/week/day to make it so paying off debt is a game might be an interesting way to approach things. When I did have debt I needed to regroup all the damn time because it could get so overwhelming! I would say hang in there, but I hate when people tell me that. 🙂
Yeah, I need to make it more fun and like a game! I appreciate your encouragement 🙂
At least you’re only almost 30. I am 30! *tears* 😛
I’m only one year behind ya! Man, I just didn’t think I’d be here at this age. But we keep moving on trying to make things better.
First off, can I just say that I love this post? I love your writing and it makes me feel like I am right there along with you!
Second, I know your debt may seem insurmountable at times, but you are really are doing great. $34,000 is a lot to pay off, and that is quite an accomplishment!
Keep up the good work 🙂
I am so glad Mackenzie! Thanks for the lovely compliment and I know I’ve paid off a lot. I’m not even half-way there, but almost!
I can relate to this post a lot – it does seem like it lasts so long, and that there’s varying ways to cope, but just keep going, M! It kind of helps me knowing how empowered I will feel after paying off debt… heck, even empowering I already feel because I’m making a choice to get rid of it. We’re all here for you, cheering you on. 🙂
I am glad you can relate. It’s so isolating sometimes, you feel like you are on your owl little debt island. It is empowering to pay it off and will feel amazing once it’s gone.
You will get there, friend. There is wine and cheese on the other side.
Thanks, Kathleen 🙂 I am going to throw a party once I am debt free and there will be wine and cheese!
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