Depression is a Liar

This blog post is part of the 3rd Annual Suicide Prevention Awareness Month blog tour. If you are feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741.

“It’s so hard to exist. Everything hurts. I am suffocating in my own sadness.”

That was a sentence I wrote in my journal just a few months ago. I look at it now and it scares me.

It feels not like me yet just like me all at the same time. I am in a better place and it reminds me just how vulnerable many of us who have mental health issues are. It is something that has to be managed every day.

When I started organizing this Suicide Prevention Blog Tour in 2016, it was to help my readers who were finding me wanting to kill themselves because of debt. I was gutted. But it was also personal.

I knew what it felt like to not want to exist anymore. But what I do know is that people who are suicidal don’t really want to die. They want the pain to stop. Yet they can’t find a way out. They’ve run out of hope.

It’s bleak and a hard reality to experience. It’s hard on the people around them, too.

Now that I’ve been through several “episodes” of feeling this way, I can see that is just what it is — an episode. It is possible to feel better. It will pass. That time will come, maybe not on your timeline, but it will.

It requires patience and faith. These are the tools that can offer some light in the darkness to help you keep going on your path.

For anyone reading this who is suffering from debilitating depression or feeling suicidal because of debt — or for any other reason — there is hope.

It’s hard to see through the black clouds. It’s hard to see what’s really there. Why? Because depression is a liar.

Depression and anxiety have lied to me and told me:

No one really likes me

I’m worthless

Why do I matter?

Nothing I do is important.

It’s all a bold-faced lie. Though it’s been hard for me to realize, I have come to understand that I am not my thoughts. They are there in a moment. And change. Don’t let your negative thoughts take hold and convince you of anything else besides your unique, divine beauty.

You are here. You matter. There is hope. There is help. If you’re struggling with debt, consider getting help with a credit counselor. If you have federal student loans, go on an income-driven plan. Talk to your loan servicers and lenders. Reach out. Know you are not alone. You are not a loan.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line — Text HOME to 741741

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Project Semicolon

CNQR

Open Path Collective — affordable therapy. You can also check your local college to see if their graduate program in counseling offers discounted sessions.

Debtors Anonymous

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Melanie

Melanie Lockert is the founder of the blog and author of the book, Dear Debt. Through her blog, she chronicled her journey out of $81,000 in student loan debt. She is also the co-founder of the Lola Retreat, which helps bold women face their fears, own their dreams and figure out a plan to be in control of their finances. She is passionate about empowering women, helping others get out of debt, and focuses on the intersection of debt and mental health. Every September she organizes a Suicide Prevention Awareness Blog Tour, to help share resources for those struggling with debt and suicide. In addition to her love of personal finance, art and music, she is also a karaoke master and a cat mom to Miles and Thelonious.

Latest posts by Melanie (see all)

• Talking About Money and Mental Health - September 12, 2022
• Dear Debt, We’re Better Apart - June 27, 2022
• Announcing The Mental Health and Wealth Summit - May 4, 2021