Time is just flying by. I can feel the year whizzing by me as I blink and realize it’s Mid-March. This year has been a blur, filled with hard work and hustling, good times and bad. Things are starting to settle, ever so slowly, as I attempt to search for that elusive balance.
One thing that is perpetually on my mind these days is the move. Though we have six months to sort out all the details, it feels weird to have a date set. Everything could change for all I know, but as of now, we will be leaving Portland.
It feels so weird, because I’ve been ready to go. But now that little voice in my head keeps popping up.
Is it the right time?
Do you really want to move somewhere more expensive?
Are you ready for even more change?
But then some semblance of rationality creeps in.
There is never a good time.
I have to remember this as I try to convince myself otherwise. Like so many big decisions in life, there is never a good time.
There is never a good time to have kids, or to quit your job, or to move across country. If we all waited for the right time, then I’m afraid that day would never come. If I waited for the right time, I would have never left LA or gone to New York, or gotten my master’s degree. I would have never quit my job.
Sure, there are better times to do things than others — like when you have a fully funded emergency fund or are debt free. But I firmly believe I can’t hold back all of my life decisions for a few more years until I’m debt free.
I’ll make myself miserable and Lord knows I haven’t been the happiest of campers lately.
All of this got me thinking. What else in my life am I waiting for that right time? Like that e-book I said I would write, or that novel filled with stories this blog will never see. But I haven’t written a word on those things, because I’ve been paid to write other words for other people. And for that, I’m so grateful, but I have to say no to this good time business, because the time is now.
I want to make sure I am living life to the fullest and reaching my full potential. Isn’t that what being your own boss is all about? I don’t want to feel like I’m still just working for others, using it as a means to an end, towards debt freedom. Because at that rate, I’m bound to have (yet) another existential crisis once I’m debt free.
There has to be more and it has to be now. Time only goes forward, not backward, so I want to grasp these moments and make them mine. Be content with my decisions and embrace all life’s messiness and not be paralyzed with fear about what will happen.
Because no one knows. Our life is a book that has yet to be written. I want to make sure I keep turning the page and not let my book collect dust.