Last week, I got some seriously great responses to my post The Female Breadwinner and today I loved Erin’s post stating that she doesn’t want kids right now and her uterus is not up for negotiation. All of this got me thinking; sometimes you really just need to walk to the beat of your own drum.
Stop caring what others think about you and your life choices.
I mentioned in my article that I do not want a house, I don’t want to get married or have kids. I know I am seriously in the minority here, but I’ve felt strongly about these things my whole life.
For my whole life, people have also told me it’s a phase. I need to find the right guy, I need to wait for the right time, etc.
Newsflash: It’s never the right time.
Life is a series of decisions and choices that you need to own, for better or worse. You better believe I have disappointed my own mother and de facto mother-in-law by stating I don’t want to have kids. Their dreams of becoming grandmothers that spoil have been dashed and now they have to adjust. Add to this the fact that both my partner and I are only children and we are affectively ending the line here. That’s a lot to process. I’ve felt guilty for it at times, but in the end it’s my life and my choice.
Mind you, I don’t have to adjust to my decisions, but others do. Why? Because it’s expected that women want children. No one has ever congratulated me and said, “You are making such a great financial decision. Good for you for not bringing a child into this crazy world!”
I hope I’m not sounding angry, because I’m not. I have absolutely no problem with houses, the idea of marriage, and I actually like kids – I just don’t want those things for myself. I think it’s important to really understand yourself and what you want out of your life, aside from what your family, friends and culture tells you.
Just because things have been done a certain way for a long period of time, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best or right way. We have a saying at work that we are always learning and if we think we have all the answers, we’re closing up shop.
I like that. I want to always have the capacity to learn, grow, and expand and not become a total curmudgeon, set in my ways.
A lot of this stuff can also relate to personal finance. There are so many “experts” out there deciding what’s best for you and your life; it can be hard to filter through all the voices. Let’s be frank; most of them are shouting (inside joke: Shhhh, You’re shouting!).
A lot of these voices can make you feel like crap if you behave outside of their edicts. But you know what? It’s your life! No apologies. You can use these as guidelines—what do you like about it, what would you change? Find what works for you. There is no one-size-fits-all scenario.
On that note, I encourage you to find your inner rhythm. Stop apologizing for who you are or the choices you make. Own it or change it (if it could really be that simple). Find your people. Love fully. Be grateful. Do what makes you you, what feels good, and what feels right.