November 2, 2013

If you are feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK

To the person who found my site by searching ‘I have so much debt  I want to kill myself”, please get some help. I could interpret that statement as hyperbole, but I don’t take that statement lightly. Hopefully by searching for such a thing, you are looking for others who are going through something similar, but I beg you to also seek professional help. There are many counselors out there that can help you work through this issue. If you don’t have health insurance, or can’t afford counseling, research your local university, church or community services. Oftentimes there are services for reduced cost. When I was going through my own very dark time with life, I went to counseling for $5 a session.

The resources are out there,  you just need to find them. There are people out there that want to help, you just need to find them. I’d love to hear from you, so please feel free to email me.

Remember:

You are not a loan. You are not alone.

I understand how you can feel completely overwhelmed and paralyzed by massive debt. The helplessness, guilt and self-doubt that comes along with debt can be debilitating. But whatever you do, don’t kill yourself over debt. It’s not worth it. Be strong, find a community and get help. Reach out. Talk it through, and just remember it’s just money. You can’t take it with you. Killing yourself may seem like the easy option, but it’s not. If you feel like no one cares, I hope to prove you wrong, because I do. This blog is dedicated to working through some of those deep, dark feelings around debt and I value everyone who is on this journey.

Love,
Melanie

Melanie

Melanie is a freelance writer currently living in Portland, Oregon. She is passionate about education, financial literacy, and empowering people to take control of their finances. She writes about breaking up with debt, freelancing, and side hustle adventures at DearDebt.com.

Currently she puts more than 50% of her income towards debt, while living a frugal, fun life. In addition to her love of personal finance, art and music, she is also a karaoke master. Follow the adventure @DearDebtBlog.

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84 responses to “Please seek help”

  1. Too bad that debt seems to exist to make lives miserable. I feel sorry for those who feel like ending their lives would be the answer. Glad that some who have been there and back are willing to share their experience so that others can learn.
    Jen @ Frugal Rules recently posted…Shout Out Saturday #40My Profile

  2. wow that’s scary to think someone would give up on life because of debt. I like what you said that you are not a loan. Very true. There is a lot more in life to be thankful and joyous about. Having debt is just one tiny fraction and you will get through it.
    Budget and the Beach recently posted…November GoalsMy Profile

    • deardebt says:

      There is so much to be excited about and it just hurt so much to see that someone is searching that. Debt is not worth ending your life!
      deardebt recently posted…Please seek helpMy Profile

    • $allieMae says:

      Easy to say that, some of us are in too deep with no end in sight. I was promised if I took the debt I would get a good job. 100s of tries later, I work a mediocre job and live paycheck to paycheck. Literally willing to sell a kidney.

      • Melanie says:

        I totally understand where you are at. I’d love to chat further with you, but need an updated email. Can you send me an email? Maybe I can help…or at least provide someone to talk to.

  3. That’s really sad =( Hopefully they were just having a bad day and don’t really feel that way.
    Holly@ClubThrifty recently posted…How I Plan to Save on Overseas TravelMy Profile

  4. I really feel for the person who searched for that term and I hope that they can see that there is a way to resolve their situation without going down that road. Let’s hope they are reading this post right now.
    Hayley @ A Disease Called Debt recently posted…Monday Funday: My Top 10 Period DramasMy Profile

  5. Daisy says:

    Wow, that’s intense. I hope that this person is okay and that they WILL seek help. I can’t imagine feeling like this.
    Daisy recently posted…November 2013 GoalsMy Profile

    • deardebt says:

      It’s a rough and lonely spot to be in. I instantly teared up when I saw that as a search term and had to say something. I can only hope it was someone being dramatic.

  6. This sounds terrifying and I can only hope that the person who searched for that term did not mean it. I’d rather declare bankruptcy. This is a far better solution.
    Eva @ Girl Counting Pennies recently posted…Cost of Living in LondonMy Profile

    • deardebt says:

      My first thought was that it must be a person with student loans. You can forgive credit card debt in bankruptcy, but not student loans. Some student loans still linger even after you die! It’s insane.

  7. 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-442-4673 … Trained counselors are available 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Or call 911, or take yourself to the local ER.

    There are ways to get out of debt (even if it’s a million dollars of debt feels insurmountable). Your life matters!
    KK @ Student Debt Survivor recently posted…The Size of Your Package Matters!My Profile

  8. Michelle says:

    I am sending my thoughts out to that person and letting them know that we are thinking of them. Don’t lose hope!
    Michelle recently posted…300 + hours of sick leave, why I use them when I’m sick!My Profile

  9. Love that you reached out to them! It’s a sad fact how the system is rigged so that it may seem like death is the only way out of student loans. 🙁
    Kasey @ Debt Perception recently posted…Wishful WednesdayMy Profile

    • deardebt says:

      I’ve also heard of some parents that still have their deceased children’s student loan payments!!! It is so insane and sad. I can’t believe you can claim bankruptcy for credit card debt, but there is no way out for student loans.

  10. I really hope that person came back to read this post. When I was going through a rough time in my life (not money related), I sought out counseling briefly. Sometimes just talking about it helps.
    MakintheBacon recently posted…Are Self Scan Kiosks Becoming a Retailer’s Worst Nightmare?My Profile

  11. LJ says:

    Hello,
    I found this as I was worried about my massive debt being given to my mom if I killed myself. I do not think she cosigned as she has never received any letters from my loan service-rs but I do not want to do this to her. I think she would eventually be able to move past my death. I just feel so stupid. I thought I was doing something good. I believed my teachers and the counselors when I thought this would have been an affordable alternative to a 4 year college that I thought I couldn’t afford. I thought I had asked the right questions before signing my soul away, I thought I’d have a decent future not become rich but be able to do Normal things have a place of my own an apartment not even a house. I finished a BAS degree from ITT Tech in industrial design only to find that most engineering firms do not see this as a true degree. I couldn’t go back to school but all of the universities i have contacted say I have to start over but how do I pay for classes with having to pay 1300 dollar monthly loans. I believe i am responsible for my debt i’m not asking to not pay but the debt is not going down but increasing and I feel hopeless. They charge fees on top of fees with no way out. deep down i dont want to die but living like this is not worth it.

    • deardebt says:

      I know student loan debt can be an evil, cruel reality, but it’s not worth it to kill yourself. You are so much more than your debt. I am sending you a personal email.

  12. NY says:

    Hi,

    I am sorry for the grammatical errors for I am writing this via iphone. But anyways, I am now in that same boat as the original writer of this blog. I have been a victim of a scam and now I am deeply in debt. It worries me so much now. I contemplated on ways of ending my own life, but I have so many people in my life that would be very sad at me. The person who scammed me pretended to care about me and my son (I am a hardworking single mother) he promised to help me make more money to support my family only to make me take out thousand dollars worth of loans and constantly harassed me to open a credit card and put him on the account in order for him to pay back the loan or else he wouldn’t only to find out later the maxed my card and his card out on designer brand items. I dug myself a very deep grave. He now tells me I can’t do a thing about it and that he will get away with it. And he has. I’ve talked to an attorney general only to have her tell me she cannot do anything for me. He continues to email me and harass and threaten me about coming to my house. He wants me to cooperate with him as he finds more way to milk money or anything he can out of me. His emails and texts are so degrading and insulting. He tells me how stupid I am to fall for his lies and that I did it to myself. I just want to die. I had great credit before all this and everything I worked so hard for is taken away by someone I thought had good intentions. I know it was my fault. I was too gullible and naive. I feel like no one can help me.

    • Melanie says:

      I am so sorry about your situation. My heart breaks for you. Even though this sounds like an awful situation, it’s NOT worth your life. This guy is scum. The best thing you can do is to try and get out of debt and move on from this guy. Don’t beat yourself up. Your situation is tough enough, so be kind. Is it possible to file bankruptcy? That’s obviously a last ditch effort and you should consult a professional, but debt is not worth your life.

      • NY says:

        Hi Melanie,

        Your words mean so much at a moment like this. Thank you so much for your reply. I am going to look into filing for bankruptcy. It is my last resort but all the debt that this heartless individual has put me in is more than I can ever handle.

  13. Miserry says:

    I ended up searching this cue word because i exactly wanted to do that…i am a disgrace to my children,they are budding popular personalities here in our country and my creditors will hit them if i cant pay them..my kids had worked so hard to reach their status,they are starting to have beautiful lives and future but because of me,they might not make it..i think i would rather kill myself to save them..

  14. crazycat89 says:

    Hi – unfortunately, I am one of the people googling this subject today. I’ve gone through a foreclosure in which I lost my childhood home, where I raised my own daughter. I now have been notified that a wage garnishment is about to take effect for a credit card debt that is over 10 years old. I do suffer from bouts of severe depression, and struggle with other issues as well. I don’t make a lot of money, and this could potentially leave me without a place to live. I have been attending counseling for several years, but it hasn’t helped very much. I think it’s very easy for others to say “there is a way out”, and that “taking your life isn’t worth it”. Unless you have lived another person’s life and faced their demons, you can’t appreciate the hopelessness, guilt, anger and humiliation they face daily. Some people really just don’t understand what it’s like to feel this way, so I don’t fault them for being appalled at such a drastic idea. I’m overwhelmed with the idea of bankruptcy, but I can’t afford to pay back this debt without sacrificing my ability to pay rent, bills and to be able to eat. The amount is now up to $11,000. It may as well be 1 million dollars. I don’t know where to turn, as I have problems with fear and anxiety. This causes me to freeze and never get anything accomplished. I think I have quite possibly hit my limit. I really thank you so much for listening.

  15. jesse says:

    it’s so easy for other ppl to say – “it’s just debt.” i have a therapist. i have help. the thing is – no one understands. no one can help. when i lose my house, i’m homeless. my children are homeless. and, we’ve all gone over all the “possibilities.” it’s already been determined that no one will rent to us. so. hopefully i find the courage to die.

    • Melanie says:

      Jesse, I know it’s easy to say these things. I imagine your situation is very difficult, but I know you and your children can get out of this situation and dying is not the answer. I am going to email you right now.

  16. Chris says:

    I owe 60K in student loans, 3k in back taxes and now just got a divorce and hit with child support payments of $1150/mo. So between them I will have about $1000 a month to pay rent, utilities food and gas. My rent alone is $875/mo. for a 1 bedroom apartment. For my kids to stay with me I am required to get a 2 bedroom apartment so I will never be able to see them. None of this can be discharged due to bankruptcy. I’m going to go buy a gun with the money I have left and eat a bullet.

    • Melanie says:

      Please don’t! I know it’s hard, but it’s not worth it. You can figure this out. Emailing you now.

    • joe says:

      ya i owe 100000 in child support
      they took my liscence now i dont have a job soon no home

      • joe says:

        “Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am Pagliacci.”

      • Melanie says:

        I am so sorry, Joe. Do you want to chat? Email me.

  17. Gege says:

    I had a thought to end my life because the debt that I have. I really regret that I lost everything because of casino. I was a hardworker. Never feel tired to earn money to make me and my family life getting better. But because of one night when my friend introduced me to that place. I totally lost control and start losing everything. I totally dissapointed at myself. I hate myself because I dissapointed people that I love. I really wish I can turn back time and never step into that kind of place

    • Melanie says:

      I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it’s tough, but don’t give up. Not now, not ever. You have a tough road ahead, but you can do it. Feel free to email me.

  18. Katie says:

    This blog entry exists for a serious, important reason: massive debt and no visible way out make for a dangerous combination. It is a soul-sucking, 24/7 horrible feeling associated with guilt, worthlessness, and unrelenting pressure. Aren’t those a few top reasons alone for suicide? I worked my ass off in grad school to be nearly half a year without a job, only to finally end up at a position which pays so little that, YES I do fantasize about ending my life. I contemplate taking out the max on my life insurance so that my family could possibly pay off my debts when I’m gone. The worst, most ironic part of this is that my job performance severely decreases every time I’m broke (nearly every week) and I’m wondering how to stretch out a gatorade and granola bar for a whole day. Then I spend my evenings after work searching the public tax records of my company’s exec board and reeling about how my salary is a drop in their big bucket. The comparison to others is nearly impossible to avoid – this is a small-ish company where the wealth divide is so palpable. I publicly joke about my debt with a super carefree attitude, but, like they say, behind every joke is a bit of truth. And more often than not, that truth goes so deep and reflects something so horrible, that joking is the most obvious, most attainable daily coping mechanism.

    • Melanie says:

      Hi Katie! Thanks so much for your comment. I am so sorry to hear about your situation 🙁 I know how tough it is to manage it all and just want to stop everything. I hope you stay strong and keep going. Things can change. Feel free to email if you want to chat. Also, I deleted the comment you requested…that was when I was less experienced as a blogger and just approved everything 🙂 Now I know better. I’m rooting for you.

  19. Jenny says:

    I searched this. I am a 51 year old mother of 3. I have 2 weeks to leave my home. I have been served a court summons for non payment of my council tax which is on top of 50,000 pounds worth of debt i have accrued after my 28 year relationship broke down and he left to set up home with his girlfriend. He beat our daughter and was given a restraining order. He said he will ruin my life and he has suceeded. I will be homeless in 2 weeks but still i am being chased for debts. My mother has alzeimers and terminal cancer. I cant find a way out and the court summons has tipped me over.

    • Melanie says:

      Oh, Jenny. I’m so sorry life is so hard right now 🙁 Is there bankruptcy in your country? Can you talk to your creditor and get an extension? Any friends to live with? Don’t lose hope just yet, let’s explore options.

  20. anonymous says:

    HI,

    I saw your blog at google and open it, im one of the people thnking ending my life because of the debt that im into. i am a single mom, and i just lose my job last month i have many debt that i need to pay but i dont know how to pay them because right now i dont have a job its so hard finding a job here in our country. i dont know what to do now, sometimes i think ending my life will be a fast solution for all of my problems. i just need someone tot alk to tright now.

  21. Lana says:

    All of these “solutions” don’t help anyone. With resources exhausted and no way out, no wonder we get so defeated. You probably write this tripe while not having to worry about becoming homeless. The “solution” isn’t counseling – it is financia help, but no one wants to give it. As Pink Floyd said “money, so they say, is the root of all evil today. But if you ask for a rise it’s not surprise they’re giving none away”

    • Melanie says:

      Hi Lana, I’m sorry you feel that way. Counseling can help. Additionally, you can look into debt management programs offered by nonprofit credit counseling agencies and look into bankruptcy. Neither are ideal, but could potentially help (though I am not a financial professional). You’re right, I don’t have to worry about becoming homeless, but I am committed to helping others realize there is life beyond debt and that it’s not worth ending your life over. So much so, I DO donate a portion of my blog income to help my readers get out of debt. I’m sending you an email in case you want to chat.

  22. Td says:

    This blog isn’t helping much at all. People with money trying sympathize with people with none. Debt isn’t worth killing yourself, but losing everything you have and being put in the street is? Living hungry is? At this point, there really is t anything to live for. At this point, there isn’t anyone that can help. Family has the wrong idea, friends aren’t the right idea, and spousal support is unrealistic. Hanging myself in the shower it’s the best solution I’ve got.

    • Melanie says:

      Hi Td, I understand my words may not be helpful for what you are going through. That doesn’t mean I don’t care. I can imagine how losing everything feels like a failure — like life isn’t worth living. Please don’t hurt yourself, this is just a tough period, but this doesn’t mean it will be the rest of your life. I’m emailing you now.

  23. Jess says:

    “It’s just money”. Yeah well how it works in this country is that unless you have money, you aren’t going to meet your basic necessities for life. Money gets you food, shelter, and water. What is the point of living when that money is going towards student loan payments instead of meeting your basic needs? Please tell me why I should continue living after realizing I wasted six years and $150k for two degrees that aren’t worth anything in this country? I dream of taking sleeping pills and ending this miserable life, but I’m guilted by the idea of my loved ones paying for my private loans after I’m dead.

  24. D.B says:

    You know I toy with the idea and yes I do realize this is not Healthy. I was injured on the job a few years back I broke both my legs (spiral tibia fractures) and my back(l2-l3 compression fractures) A negligent contractor ran over my pressure washing line and drug me off of a 32′ ladder I worked really hard learning how to walk again I spent only a few months In a wheelchair before I was motivating to a walker and then to walking again with a now permanent limp with a year after the injury. Well in the mean time I had to live off of credit cards to survive because what I brought home after taxes and support came out I simply did not make enough to cover my expenses. Fast forward a year and I’m back at work and beginning to just about have all my debts paid off meanwhile workers comp decided to settle with me to close out the case at a very meager amount. I have never been one to look for hand outs noe sue an insurance company and after all I had my life and I could still walk with a little more effort than before. Shortly after my boss sales her home and moves out of the country leaving me with the company which was an honor but also very expensive counting the payments I made to her to finance this and the payroll of nine + 4 gas hog vans. I did everything I could to leave everything the same as she had already in place.What I did not account for was the now huge increase in our workers compensation it had doubled.Eventually I began to sink further and further in debt and making some very bad decisions when it came to whom I trusted with finances I lost everything I personally had for savings and over 65k from the business.First our revolvable accounts begin one by one I was no longer able to pay,then our insurance would no longer renew the policy in my name with the mod score/loss run we have. I found one that would insure for 10k down and a hefty monthly payment to boot. Then when they received a certificate of the loss runs they cancelled on us again. Well one by one I began to loose more and more builders as I am pretty much unemployable without the policy. Now I can no longer afford to pay a Cpa to do our taxes and aside from not filing taxes the last 2 quarters I haven’t paid any taxes at all. I’m scared,stressed,ashamed and feel like a complete failure. I have been in my profession for over 25 years and I can tell you damm near anything you could dream up a solution for. I just simply do not have a solution as it pertains to my life, no creditors will touch me due to my personal high balances on credit cards and my debt to income ratio. The boss I financed the business with is elderly and relies on the income I pay to survive. I know that it would be so easy for me to simply sail my van off the side of a gorge here. But the reality is I have 3 children,a wife and my previous employer who all look to and depend on me. So I walk around now in a state much worse than death with a heavy heart and a knot in my gut because I feel this impending doom but failure is not an option nor defeat. So for those of you who toy with this notion I myself typed these words that came from inside when I stumbled upon this site….

  25. Zach says:

    I got here because I want to kill myself because of my debt. I can’t stay on top of it. And guess what? I can’t find any of those “cheap counseling services”. No one gives a crap about me, they just want to see $$$$$$. So I appreciate the sentiment but I think suicide still sounds amazing compared to my debt.

  26. G.Miriam says:

    They are tearing me apart. I am a mother of three and also suffering from Post Partum Preeclamsia,and depression, top it off my daughter has medical conditions.
    I really need a blessing, something that will help. I feel like taking off and not having to face the debt I put my family through.
    I just want to off myself and be less of a disappointment to everyone including my mother.

    im newly engaged, no ring needed as we are far beyond poor now. No food, no rent money and No money for bills or my kids needs.(diapers and Formula.) I hate my life in a nut shell at this point.

  27. MF says:

    I’m sure you mean well, but telling people “it’s not worth it” is judgmental and condescending when you haven’t even come close to walking in our shoes. You don’t know what’s “worth it” to me or anyone else. There are situations in which death is preferable to continuing a life of hell. Try living in your car for months when the weather is in the low teens – because your debt (in my case, $400k and growing due to interest, penalties and fees – NONE of it dischargeable in bankruptcy!) left you homeless and you had no where to go and no one to help you. Then let us know how “not worth it” suicide is.

    • Melanie says:

      Hi MF, I am sorry you feel I am being judgmental and condescending. That is not my intention at all. Perhaps I can’t change anyone’s mind, but it’s my hope that I can show that someone cares. I don’t have all the answers, but I want to try to help.

  28. aireen jurcales says:

    Please help me im scarred totally deppres.please im begging you people with soft heart help me please i cant sleep everynight.

  29. Dennis Titus says:

    Find myself in debt just because i want to help a friend out, the more I tried to get out I keep accumulating more and more debt, have been the only source of finance for my family, now no any source of finance as all my savings had been use to paid debt but the amount yet to pay is far to much, have final exam to write no money to pay for it, no food in the house, don’t just know where to turn to any the only thought coming to me now is to just end this life, can’t sleep at night just don’t know what else.

  30. I Am says:

    Sadly this is how I really feel. I don’t know what to do, I am so ashamed of myself and the mistakes I made that led me here. There is no way out. I called my bank, they couldn’t help me. I never wanted my credit raised and they did it… but it is only my fault that I went ahead and spent it. I have other student loans too. I pay it back and then the interest is 100 dollars more. I am tired, and I feel so hopeless. I started a blog to help me write about my feelings, and already it has been such a rollercoaster. I don’t know if I will ever be free from debt. I went to school and took out OSAP, and I don’t have a teacher job to help pay this back. My feelings of failure prevent me from even trying at this point. I don’t feel like I can keep all of this up.

  31. Suicidal says:

    “You can’t take it with you” THAT’S why I want to die! I have NOTHING but stress and debt and future debt. Take it with me sounds like having a pile of money or stuff, oh give it away you can’t take it with you. My mom killed herself last year, and I got left with her debt too! Knowing she could do it makes it so much easier, at least I know a way that works for sure, and I have no one to pass mine and her debt to, so maybe it will finally go away.

    • Melanie says:

      I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I know my words won’t help everyone or change anything, but I’m here if you want to chat. Have you talked to your lenders? Tried a different repayment program? Considered bankruptcy? I hate that you are in so much pain.

      • Christian Husband says:

        I am very depressed and suicidal at the age of 33. I went for a bank loan to set up a Recruiting Company. Business has been so bad all employees resigned and it finally collapsed. I owe up to USD 25,000 and have no way of paying back. My wife walked away without a word and my little daughters are home because I cannot pay school fees. I feel like a failure, I lost every thing and cant even stand to face life. Its too much to handle.. Am looking at a knife and an injection of rat poison. Don’t know which to use.
        LIFE HASN’T BEEN FAIR TO ME!!!

  32. Emmanuel says:

    All my hopes seems to have gone .no hope again of getting out of my debt ,I am thinking of ending it at once.but am thinking of my aged parent and my kids.any way out .

  33. Wrong email says:

    I am currently is extreme situation where darkness overshadow such way there, i don’t even seeing a glimpse of light coming out from anyway, expecting miracle is expecting too much, i don’t know how long and how far i can continue but it’s getting ugly day by day…

  34. Wrong email says:

    Instead of begging someone, i would better be called coward, these days no one helps, in fact if given chance, they would be mocking behind the back, i am holding back because my aged mother, had she not been there, may be this comments would never have come…no friends, those who can help, won’t…

  35. Debt And Beyond says:

    I understand counseling and talking to people, but talking to someone doesn’t pay off my debt. Ya, I’m an idiot and went to private college all in student loans. Guilty. Can’t change it. 38 years old, live in a dirty apartment with a wife and an 8 year old daughter who beat leukemia. Sad thing is, my wife and I are well over $100k in student loan debt, medical debt, etc. I can’t find a job to save my life. After rent, student loan payments and whatever the medical debt we pay is, we are already oversrafted. I think suicide is actually an excellent idea. Retirement? Never. Why go through 40 more years of absolute misery and watch my daughter get made fun of for being beyond poor? Ya, try and talk me out of it. Depression? We’re way beyond that. A way out? Yep. If only I could have afforded life insurance…

    • Melanie says:

      I know my words can’t make people’s debt disappear. I wish it could, believe me. I know it’s tough, but debt is not worth dying for. I am going to email you some potential options.

  36. Brandon says:

    Can someone talk with me? I feel hopeless and no one seems to truly be here for me. I have a completely dysfunctional family, been to the hospital twice and didnt even receive that much help except more freaking payments. Families friends advise I pay them off myself which is frustrating because they don’t know situation or even all the reasons I ended up in the hospital. Moms a cynicism about money and I’m about to go into student loans for accounting which I still have 2 more years and don’t want to be in 30,000 dollars of debt doing something that’s not for me. I’m tired of this and everything…..Please help. I’m not going back to the hospital but I hate my life and myself right now.

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