Dear Debt,
You are a selfish lover. You always come first and have no interest in my needs.
You’re only INTERESTed in yourself and stroking your own ego.
Although you come with a big package, you don’t know how to use it. When we got together so many years ago I thought you were just a fling. You were hot, and I thought you made me smart, look cool and feel important. I meant something because of you.
Now after all these years I see you were simply filling a void for me. I didn’t believe in myself, so I got with the first cute, smart guy that looked my way.
I’m done with this crap. I’m tired of your empty promises. After seven years, we haven’t progressed past friends with benefits. Seriously, what is this? Shouldn’t we be married with kids by now? I’ve wasted my youth on you.
But you won’t get the last of me or the best of me. I’m moving on to someone new, babe. When you find this letter, I’ll be gone and don’t come looking for me. The affair is over.
Your Friendly Fuck,
Melanie
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24 comments
Love this! You tell that debt where to go! (Love the part about the big package but doesn’t know how to use it, that made me LOL at the office) 😉
Glad you enjoyed! I was making myself chuckle writing it, lol. I don’t know if that’s good or just lame?
“your friendly fuck” lol! I must remember to sign off that way with a lot of my clients who drive me crazy. 🙂 Vent away girl!
Well, it’s good to read your affair with debt is finally over.
No more of this! 🙂
Hilarious! My own post about this (http://www.lesliebeslie.com/2013/02/20/my-tumultuous-relationship-with-discover/) is the exact opposite! I saw my credit card debt as helping me, not using me. I took advantage of this help, which hurt me in the long run.
Glad you thought it was funny! We all have different relationships with debt and I love hearing all perspectives.
Brilliant.
!!! You are too kind, my friend.
Great post, and so true – it’s a toxic relationship for sure!
Thanks, Anna! I love finding new angles to break up with debt 🙂
“….friends with benefits”….how witty and true! lol As with your description of this relationship, benefits from debt are largely one-sided. Score 1 for creditors. Score 0 for us. I’m glad that I found your blog!
Yes, you are exactly right! I’m so glad you found my blog too. Glad you are here, Vee!
Whoo! Go Melanie! You’re right, debt will not get the best of you – you are too financially smart and strong 🙂
Yes, I am! I’m an independent woman.
Kick it to the curb! Then curb stomp! Very funny and entertaining, keep killing that debt!
Glad you enjoyed! 🙂 I’m SO done!
Love the part about stolen youth. So true and very witty! I look forward to reading more post. 🙂
That’s the most depressing part to me 🙁 Ugh, I’m one year shy of 30 and still dealing with this. Thanks for reading, Liliane.
Love your realness Melanie!
Thanks! Someone’s got to do it! If I’m exploring my relationship with debt, I need to talk about it all. My mom said she loved this letter, but asked me did I have to sign it with the F word, lol. Sometimes I think I should have an R rating for this blog, but whatever. I think we’re all adults here.
Dirty.
Haha, I like to push the envelope. And debt is dirty, not just me 🙂
Oooooh girl! Tell ’em!