What’s Your Honest Bio?

by Melanie

I just had to send in my bio for one of my gigs. I always have a hard time with bios. What should I say? Should I be smart? Funny? Impressive? I always go with something relatively boring and impressive, because isn’t that what you’re supposed to do with a professional bio?

I thought I’d try something fun called “honest bio”.

Melanie Lockert is a freelance writer that works entirely too much. She’s a workaholic that dreams in hustle. Oftentimes, you can find her pretending she knows what she is doing and acting like a boss, but only after she’s had a level nine anxiety attack and screamed and cried in a pillow.

Every time she submits her work she’s convinced people will call her out for being a fraud. She’s amazed no one has yet. Although Melanie is an only child, she often feels like she’s never alone, because Larry David actually lives in her head.

When not sticking her foot in her mouth, or being inappropriate on the Martinis and Your Money Podcast, she enjoys G chatting with her friends online because those are the only ones she has left. In her free time…wait, what’s that?

Ah, I feel better already 🙂 Please comment with your “honest bio” below.

Melanie
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16 comments

Tonya@Budget and the Beach September 6, 2015 - 7:35 am

ha ha love it! I always read other people’s bios (OPB-are you down with it?) and think, “wow, they are really hip and cool and smart and successful.” I guess that’s what we all want people to think of us right? 🙂 Yours sounds a lot like mine.

Tonya is a 40-something freelancer who most of the time has no idea what she is doing. Even though she is a personal finance bloggers, she often screws up with money, knows little about the stock market, and struggles with making enough money to live. While her goal in life is to make people laugh, she often wonders if people are like, “will you just STFU?” and is sometimes worried that she will die alone with her 300 cats eating her eyeballs.

How’s that? 🙂

Reply
Melanie September 6, 2015 - 10:14 am

I know, right? Ha yours is amazing! I love it.

Reply
Prudence Debtfree September 6, 2015 - 10:06 am

Prudence Debtfree is a tech-phobic debt blogger who is torn between the ideals of blogging for free – so that there is no compromise – and writing for pay – because it’s a heck of a lot of time to spend writing if you’re not being paid for it. But due to said tech-phobia, she is in a state of near paralysis when it comes to doing something new. So for the time being, it’s non-paid, un-compromised, but unsure.
I don’t know about this idea, Melanie! And by the way, you are WAY TOO hard on yourself! What’s with that?

Reply
Melanie September 6, 2015 - 10:11 am

Ha, it’s just an experiment with a bit of humor 🙂 I am way too hard on myself, you are very right about that. Not sure why ;(

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Natalie @ Financegirl September 7, 2015 - 9:13 am

Hahahah this is awesome! I enjoyed reading it. Have you read Tina Fey’s book, Bossypants? She talks at length about how women feel like we’re going to be found out for being a fraud when men will fake it till they make it. It’s really good if you haven’t!

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Melanie September 7, 2015 - 1:34 pm

I haven’t! Need to add that to the list. I’m still faking it, but definitely feel like a fraud sometimes.

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Hannah September 7, 2015 - 12:00 pm

Hannah is a “business intelligence consultant” for a Fortune 50 company which is another way of saying overpaid middle school math teacher. She thinks work/life balance is a crock of shit and that people should quit their jobs more often, but she hasn’t quit her own job (trapped by golden handcuffs), so you probably shouldn’t listen to her.

Honest bios are the worst- I’ll stick to my well word-smithed bios instead.

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Melanie September 7, 2015 - 1:32 pm

BAHAHAH!!!!! So good. I think they are hilarious. But yes, perhaps many of us wouldn’t get hired if we had so much “honesty” lol.

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Shannon @ Financially Blonde September 7, 2015 - 2:44 pm

Shannon is a successful female entrepreneur in her mid- 30s trying to change the world of personal finance. When she is not working, she can be found sleeping because she pretty much does nothing but work these days. Soon Shannon plans to write an autobiography that will read like the novel from The Shining “All work and no play makes Shannon a dull girl.” In the brief moments of fun Shannon’s work allows, she drinks (martinis of course), spends time with the men in her life and laughs with her friends because they drink with her.

That was cathartic. Thanks Melanie!

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Melanie September 7, 2015 - 10:35 pm

Ahhh so good it hurts. Haha! There will be fun times together soon! 😉

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Kayla @ Shoeaholicnomore September 11, 2015 - 8:23 am

Ok Melanie! This is hilarious. Now I really can’t wait to meet you next week.

Kayla is a mid-20s girl who blogs about becoming more of a minimalist and getting her money house in order. Despite the advice she gives, she still has a hard time resisting the shoe section whenever she leaves the house.

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Melanie September 13, 2015 - 11:37 am

Haha I like to have fun/make light of situations 🙂 I love your honest bio lol!

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Our Next Life September 21, 2015 - 10:41 am

Love this idea!

ONL are a couple of overpaid, overgrown children who work all day in their pajamas, except when they travel for work in a step above pajamas. They think of nothing besides not working, and fake their way through client work, where they try to do as little as possible to sound smart and funny, when they would rather be reading blogs. 🙂

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Melanie September 22, 2015 - 8:37 pm

Ha, AMAZING!

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Amanda @ My Life, I Guess September 21, 2015 - 12:56 pm

I know I’m late, but this was too fun to pass up!!

Amanda is a “self-employed business owner and professional writer” because she babysits part time, and makes a few cents off her blog. She has all the thoughts about how to change the world, but can’t find the motivation to do it. She’s a lover of Subway and a sucker for just one more episode on Netflix.

Reply
Melanie September 22, 2015 - 8:36 pm

Glad you liked it and thanks for sharing yours!

Reply

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