When I started this blog in January, I wasn’t in a good place. Not emotionally, not mentally, and most of all not financially. I was driving myself crazy trying to find a job, hustle, pay my student loans and find my meaning of life in a hard time.
I started this blog to stay sane keep myself accountable in the debt payoff process, but wanted to remain anonymous because
a) I was looking for a job
b) I wasn’t the best version of myself
You know that thing about first impressions? Well, I didn’t want the “real me” associated with my-not-ideal-self. When you are going through some stuff, it’s hard to put your best face forward and I wanted the safety to complain, rant, wish, dream and dare to think and process everything that was going on.
I now realize that I was also ashamed of my debt. My present was mocking any value that my education had for me. I was ashamed of my dreams that I held so close, I was ashamed I let myself get into so much debt; I was ashamed that I honestly believed education could get you anywhere.
Most of all, I was ashamed of myself. My debt represented my mistakes and I wasn’t quite sure how to get back on my feet again. I was living on the shelf of regret. After finding some success, and losing your footing, it can be hard to orient yourself again. But the beauty about life, is that it is cyclical. It comes in waves, ebbs and flows that crash sometimes subtly, sometimes with a fierce roar.
This is temporary.
Hi. My name is Melanie and I’m breaking up with debt.
I’ve come a long way since January, and have gotten back on my feet and found some sense of normal and success. It feels good. Damn good.
For all those people who are mired in debt like I am, don’t be ashamed. It’s part of your story. Your journey. Your legacy. Your triumph. It’s ok that we’re not perfect. It’s ok to be human and make mistakes. It makes you more real.
Are you ashamed of your debt?
