Student Loans Dictated My Life Choices — Until I Fought Back

This article is part of the Student Loan Debt Movement, which is encouraging and inspiring people to take action on their student loans.

It’s November 2011. It’s 4 am and it’s still dark out. I take all of my things and tiptoe out of the apartment that I lived in just shy of a year.

I walk down the stairs with my oversized luggage. As I leave the building, I look up, remembering fondly the memories and shenanigans that took place there.

The cab is waiting for me to head to JFK. The Brooklyn air is crisp. It’s right before Thanksgiving and there’s a feeling of change in the air. That anything could happen.

While we drive to the airport, tears slowly start to roll down my face. I am saying goodbye to a place I don’t want to leave.

While everyone is heading to the airport to go home to their families, they have every intention of returning. I don’t. I am heading to the airport to start my new life in Portland, Oregon with my then-partner.

Leaving New York

Though my-then partner was a factor in the move, an even bigger part of the move was financial.

My student loans were due after my grace period was over. And after six months of job interviews, I couldn’t find a full-time job with my newly minted M.A. status. There was no way I could afford to pay my student loans — at this point, $68,000 — and pay New York City rent.

At this moment, I realized how much my student loans were affecting my life. It felt like my loans were dictating my life choices. Like I had no agency in the matter. I wanted to fight back but I felt defeated.

I came to New York to conquer. And I left with my tail between my legs, in debt, with a useless degree.

Paying off my student loans

The good news is that this story has a happy ending. I eventually did pay off my student loans. In total, $81,000 — closer to $100,000 if you count the pesky interest. But not after hitting rock bottom.

In Portland, I thought I’d start fresh. Have more opportunities. Be a big fish in a small pond. Except there was no pond.

I ended up on food stamps making $10-$12 per hour that first year. My debt made me depressed and anxious. Not only that, but I felt guilty and so much shame for all the debt I had amassed.

Starting this blog in January 2013 changed everything and helped me stay accountable. Each month I posted about my progress. I felt a sense of community and support that was gravely missing beforehand.

From a financial standpoint, I knew I had to earn more money to pay off debt. Earning so little wasn’t really going to get me anywhere. So I began side hustling like my life depended on it. Because it kinda did.

I walked invisible dogs as part of a promotion for the grand opening of a pet store. I sold water bottles at an overnight rave. I helped plan someone’s 40th birthday party. I worked as a coat check at a fancy Halloween party in the hills. I gave out shots of Jameson on St. Patrick’s Day while I tried to disguise how uncomfortable I was wearing a skimpy skirt (this gig did not last).

I found the gigs on Craigslist and TaskRabbit. I worked seven days a week for several years. Eventually, I realized people were leveraging their blogs into freelance writing opportunities. I knew I wanted a piece of that action if for no other reason than I was tired of going all around town for these gigs without a car.

Through a friend’s referral, I was able to build my client base and grow from one to four clients (this was a game changer!). Eventually, I did find a nonprofit job making $31,000 per year — but after one year, I quit to become self-employed.

A scary move for sure, but one that paid off. I doubled my income that first year to $60,000. My rent was $400 and I didn’t have a car, cable, and went without health insurance at some points. I was able to make even bigger payments.

My focus was on my high-interest loans aka the debt avalanche method. I made bi-weekly payments to cut down on interest. I threw any extra money at debt.

The solution to getting out of debt for me was to earn more while living in a low cost of living area. Also, keeping my expenses very low and at a minimum. I lived like a college student and tried to monetize my time.

In December of 2015, I made my last payment to debt. I screamed. I cried. I felt a burden lifted. Though life hasn’t been easy since and my problems haven’t been solved, I have so much less worry. I can put money toward my problems to make my life easier.

If you’re in student loan debt, know that it’s possible to get out. It may take a while and it won’t be easy. There will have to be sacrifices made. Change doesn’t happen unless you change.

How I’m helping others pay back their student loans

Truth be told, people find my blog after searching “I want to kill myself because of debt”. It’s heartwrenching and I get emails weekly from people who feel helpless.

It’s important to remember that you are not your debt. You are not a loan. You are not alone. J. Money from Budgets Are Sexy and I started Debt Drop a few years ago to help some of these readers in despair. I love being able to give money freely and make someone’s day.

Aside from that, I am focused on helping women with their finances through Lola Retreat. I co-founded Lola Retreat to empower women with their finances. I’m so excited that our next event is happening April 27-29 in New York City.

According to a survey by Student Loan Hero, women are twice as likely to feel like their student loan debt is unmanageable compared to men. Not only that, but half of the women in the survey said they regret taking on student loans.

The impact of student loans isn’t just about the present either. Women reported feeling more unprepared for retirement, compared to their male counterparts.

It’s my goal with Lola to help build a community of women who feel confident about their financial futures. Who know that getting out of debt is a possibility and know what steps to take going forward.

Bottom line

Before blogging, I used to think getting out of student loan debt was impossible. I thought I’d have a greater likelihood of seeing a unicorn than becoming debt-free. But when I discovered personal finances blogs, I realized regular people paid off their debt.

Seeing that it was even possible inspired me. I hope that I can offer inspiration and education to others who are fighting the good fight with their student loans.

Want to learn more? Check out my book and the Student Loan Debt Movement! 

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Melanie

Melanie Lockert is the founder of the blog and author of the book, Dear Debt. Through her blog, she chronicled her journey out of $81,000 in student loan debt. She is also the co-founder of the Lola Retreat, which helps bold women face their fears, own their dreams and figure out a plan to be in control of their finances. She is passionate about empowering women, helping others get out of debt, and focuses on the intersection of debt and mental health. Every September she organizes a Suicide Prevention Awareness Blog Tour, to help share resources for those struggling with debt and suicide. In addition to her love of personal finance, art and music, she is also a karaoke master and a cat mom to Miles and Thelonious.

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