What My Relationship Taught Me About Money

by Melanie

What My Relationship Taught Me About Money

On Monday, my partner and I celebrated our six-year anniversary. It’s been an amazing, life-changing ride. We met on a blind date that was set up by a friend and we hit it off immediately.

Six years, three states (California, New York, and now Oregon), many jobs, and ups-and-downs later, we have had quite an adventure. I’m excited for our future, as both of us are now doing well with work and following our dreams. Things are less stressful and we can enjoy just being together.

In many ways, my relationship has taught me a lot about money. My philosophies for both have been informed by my experiences and values. Here are three things my relationship taught me about money.

Protect It

No one should care more about your money than you. So invest in yourself, save money, spend on your values and protect it. The same goes for a relationship. A relationship, like money, needs to be preserved, and constantly worked on. You should protect it and care for it. The dividends paid on taking care of your money and relationship will be so rewarding.

There Will Be Good Times and Bad Times

Relationships can be hard work. You are taking two different people and creating a life together. Things like jobs, values, family, and dreams can become conflicts in creating your future together. You are no longer only taking care of yourself — you are living your life, always thinking about another person. Relationships require care, maintenance, and in my opinion requires learning and growing together to keep going.

Life is a roller coaster, and there will be good times and bad times. In our six years, we’ve dealt with him being unemployed, me being unemployed, me being a breadwinner, both of us being in school at the same time, and being long-distance. We are finally at a place where we are both working and somewhat stable and it feels so nice. During the bad times it can feel like they will never end. You can easily lose perspective of the love and deep affection that keeps you together. But remember, things get better.

The same thing goes for money. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be unemployed and on food stamps after graduate school. It was a very low moment for me and our relationship, especially as I had just moved from NYC to Portland to be with him. Everything felt like a struggle. But eventually, things started to get better.

Regardless of your current financial situation, there will be good times and bad times. Don’t rest on your laurels if you are enjoying success. Don’t feel like your life is over if you have unexpectedly dealt with a frustrating money challenge.

In relationships and money, there are good times and bad. Prepare for both, and practice gratitude to get you through it all.

It’s Personal

One of my favorite things about personal finance? It’s personal. I know it’s somewhat cliché to say at this point, but it’s true. There are no two financial blueprints that look the same. My relationship, and our decisions on how to live our lives, are all personal decisions as well.

We have decided not to have kids. We are not interested in buying a house. We want a creatively fulfilling, engaging, adventure-filled life. We don’t need a lot. We just need each other and some money to get by. Perhaps our way of life sounds immature, rebellious, or just plain boring to some, but it works for us.

In the end, you have to do what is right for you. Invest in what is important to you, and value relationships above all (yes, even over money).

What has your relationship taught you about money? If you are single, what lessons might you share with us “committed” folk? 🙂

Melanie
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26 comments

Isabella June 19, 2014 - 7:38 am

We were married at age 18 and 20. Next week will be our 44th wedding anniversary. Four children, three grandchildren, college and grad school for us, college for the kids, lots of moves, lots of homes, lots of jobs etc. It certainly is hard to nail it down to a few things when it comes to money. I think the most important, though, is to have mostly mutual goals and to trust each other. Also, there will be rough times–unemployment, illnesses. Soldier through those difficult times together.

It reminds me of a proverb in the Bible. “Two are better than one. For if one falls, the other will be there to lift him (her) up.” We have had an adventure!

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Morgaine June 19, 2014 - 7:44 am

Very good post, Melanie! You make some interesting (and very true) observations.

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Mackenzie June 19, 2014 - 7:58 am

Happy Anniversary Melanie! 2008 must have been “the year” because my husband an I are celebrating our anniversary this week too! 6 years of being married to my best friend 🙂

Relationships and money can be an interesting mix. There will always be ebbs and flows, but as long as you have a strong foundation, you can weather any storm!

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Shannon @ Financially Blonde June 19, 2014 - 9:15 am

Congrats on six years Melanie!! It is such a huge accomplishment especially given all of the ups and downs that you have had, but it’s true, that every relationship has ups and downs including our relationship with money. And I agree that personal finance is personal and not everyone should be expected to fit into a pre-defined model of life (i.e. kids, home, etc). It’s important for us to keep our personal goals in mind and make those money decisions that are specific to our personal goals.

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Debt Busting Chick June 19, 2014 - 9:38 am

Congratulations to you both and Happy Anniversary!

I was in a relationship that went down South a while back and he was always on top of his money. He never liked to spend his and always wanted to spend mine. I gave him lifts to work in the morning and he never wanted to contribute to petrol. Not a great experience!

Being single I like that I don’t have to consult anyone when I want to spend on big purchases discuss splitting the bills.

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Tonya@Budget and the Beach June 19, 2014 - 9:53 am

Good comparisons, and happy 6 years! I think one of the big things is to work on both at all times. You can’t just set it and forget it. I see in a lot of relationships things fall apart because no one wants to put in any work. May you both have many many happy years ahead!

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Liz June 19, 2014 - 10:37 am

congrats on 6 years! I think my relationship has taught be that money won’t make you happy. People, experiences, love and laughter make you happy. Sure money can help you get those things but it is just a means to an end..not the end. But I think the most important thing is that we have each other.

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Kassandra June 19, 2014 - 10:53 am

Congrats on your anniversary! My DH and I have been together for over five years and spent all but the last seven months long distance. We have definitely had our challenges and I am so proud that we surmounted every one together and we are stronger for it. I can feel your happiness through this post 🙂

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Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life June 19, 2014 - 11:15 am

I think my most important relationship lesson has been to learn to listen and understand the other perspective and know that I can always be better. Definitely applicable to finances too!

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Melanie June 20, 2014 - 8:55 am

Yes, listening, learning, and growing are so important to a relationship and your finances!

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Josh @ CNA June 19, 2014 - 12:04 pm

Awesome post Melanie…wow, 6 years! That’s great! My relationship has surely taught me quite a bit about money as well. One of the biggest things is that like a relationship, you should do things to help it grow on its own. Simple things like opening a door or pulling out a chair adds hypothetical interest to your relationship…while simple investments can do the same for your money!

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Melanie June 20, 2014 - 8:53 am

I love that! So true.

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Josh @ CNA June 20, 2014 - 10:56 am

Thanks 😉

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Aldo@MillionDollarNinja June 19, 2014 - 1:28 pm

My relationship taught me to save as much as possible. My fiancee is younger than me and has triple the amount I have saved up. And she doesn’t even try that hard. I really don’t know how she was able to do that, but I was impressed and now I’m following suit.

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Melanie June 20, 2014 - 8:53 am

Wow, that is impressive! Nothing like a little kick in the pants and competition to get you motivated. 🙂

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Shannon June 19, 2014 - 1:31 pm

Happy anniversary! These are really great perspectives :). The biggest thing my relationship has taught me about money is flexibility. Since my husband and I both met in our late 20s, we’d already been going along on our own (and, of course, opposite) financial plans without really thinking about how someone else would fit into the mix. Since we got married we’ve had many, many talks about how to strike a balance between our opposing financial philosophies. It hasn’t been easy, but we’re finally on the same page!

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Melanie June 20, 2014 - 8:43 am

It’s hard to merge, especially if you can be stubborn like me. 🙂 Compromise is key!

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Kayla @ Shoeaholicnomore June 20, 2014 - 6:55 am

Congrats Melanie! I was in a controlling relationship with my ex. I came in the relationship debt free with about $5k saved up. He came in with nothing, literally and some student loans! We ended up spending my entire life’s savings. He was controlling to the point that I couldn’t spend anything over $50 without “asking” first, including groceries! It was insane! Now, I’m single and loving that I don’t have to “ask” to spend my own damn money, of course that can be a downside sometimes as well when I decide to splurge and there’s no one to talk me out of it 🙂

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Lisa E. @ Lisa Vs. The Loans June 20, 2014 - 10:20 am

Congratulations to you two love birds <3

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E.M. June 20, 2014 - 10:38 am

Happy Anniversary!! I think the future you two are envisioning sounds great. My boyfriend and I are happy with the simple things, too. I keep reminding myself we will find ourselves in a better position in a few years, once our student loans are gone. It’s hard to keep that perspective when you feel like you’re drowning in financial worries – but you two are proof that things can and will get better. Thanks for that reminder =).

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Jen @Sprout Wealth June 22, 2014 - 8:47 pm

Congratulations on your 6th year of blissful togetherness. My eldest met her husband of one year also through a blind date which I did not approve of at the start. But after 8 years of being boyfriend-girlfriend, my now son-in-law was able to put my fears about blind dating to rest. We are now expecting a baby boy from them very soon.

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Laurie @thefrugalfarmer June 23, 2014 - 10:53 am

I love what you said about relationships consistently needing to be worked on – it’s so true!!! Being in a committed relationship is a choice – a choice to stay through good and bad, to be nice when you want to be a jerk, etc. You guys have done a terrific job of choosing to stay together and make it work. Happy anniversary!

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Melanie June 23, 2014 - 10:27 pm

Awww, thanks! Definitely a choice to stay together, make it work through whatever, and keep going strong! Enjoying the good and the bad, debt and the wealth. 🙂

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NZ Muse June 23, 2014 - 9:23 pm

The good and bad, ups and downs … I think that’s the hardest part.

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Melanie June 23, 2014 - 10:19 pm

Roller coaster…..of love!

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Cash Cow Couple June 24, 2014 - 12:11 pm

My favorite part: it’s personal. What works for one won’t always work for another. Great post!

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