It was all a lie

Dear Debt,

I don’t think you’ve ever really loved me. After all these years, I’m haunted by what feels like a farce.

Am I the butt of your joke? Is this a game to you? I wish we could go back to the way it was.

I remember the honeymoon phase like it was yesterday. You made me feel complete, and safe. I felt like I could do everything with you. It was as if only you and I existed and we created this beautiful world around us where everything was perfect.

But the perfect life was wrapped in lies.  It was only our imagination. Fake money, fake dreams, fake lives. Fake, fake, fake. Phony. Liar. Failure.

You’ve failed me, and I’ve failed you.  It’s time to get our shit together. I’m too old for this.

I have to get the courage to leave. I have to stand up to you – and say NO. I will not allow this to happen. Not this time, not again.  I’ve dealt with the psychological abuse long enough and I need to heal.  I can’t pretend everything’s ok anymore. I just can’t do it.

The truth is screaming out of me.  Those unwanted words are waiting for you to pick them up. Put me back together again.

I’m fragile and scared – I don’t know what it’s like to be without you.  Part of me wants to hang on, because what will I do? Who will I be? So many questions and not enough answers.

There are no answers.

There are only choices.

I am making a choice.

Goodbye,

Melanie

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Melanie

Melanie Lockert is the founder of the blog and author of the book, Dear Debt. Through her blog, she chronicled her journey out of $81,000 in student loan debt. She is also the co-founder of the Lola Retreat, which helps bold women face their fears, own their dreams and figure out a plan to be in control of their finances. She is passionate about empowering women, helping others get out of debt, and focuses on the intersection of debt and mental health. Every September she organizes a Suicide Prevention Awareness Blog Tour, to help share resources for those struggling with debt and suicide. In addition to her love of personal finance, art and music, she is also a karaoke master and a cat mom to Miles and Thelonious.

Latest posts by Melanie (see all)

• Talking About Money and Mental Health - September 12, 2022
• Dear Debt, We’re Better Apart - June 27, 2022
• Announcing The Mental Health and Wealth Summit - May 4, 2021