jealousy

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been a bit jealous lately reading everyone’s end of year updates and New Year’s goals.

My thoughts usually went something like this:

They make so much more money than I do! Sad face.

How were they able to pay off that much debt? I can’t do that. Sad face.

They did X, Y, ZZeverything in 2013?! I’m such a loser, I didn’t do half of that! Sad face.

This type of thinking is just plain sadistic, irrational and unproductive.

Jealousy is a pervasive and intricate emotion. It can really get under our skin and make us doubt the very core of our being. It can turn us into a real mean, ugly person. And who wants to be that person? I don’t.

So what should you do, if like me, you find yourself festering in this most unpleasant emotion?

Cool Off

Remember that jealousy is a completely irrational emotion. It definitely isn’t using the logical part of your brain so whatever you think during your spell of jealousy isn’t true about you or the person you’re jealous of.  Write in a journal, go for a walk, and help yourself release the negativity associated with jealousy.

Get Inspired

Jealousy usually occurs because someone has something that you want and you don’t have. Maybe it’s a certain lifestyle, an income, a person, a career, or skills that you wish you had. Whenever I cool off from being a jealous mess, I think why am I jealous of this person? What do they have that I want?  I write down the things that they have that I want.  I then choose to get inspired by it, instead of letting it plague me with jealousy. This is a simple and effective way of managing jealousy. Let it inspire you and motivate you to accomplish those same things.  If they could do it, so can you! They’re just a person, and so are you. We aren’t born with special skills, we learn them over time. It might be easier for some than others, but we all have the capacity to learn and grow.

Do Something

After making that mental shift, it’s all about action. Do something. Get up, move, write, jump, create, sing, study, practice. After you’re rid of all negative emotion, take it a step further and contact the people you might be jealous of. Be open to learning from them. Ask them how they got where they are and what steps they took to get there. Establish your goals, find a mentor and think of everything as a learning opportunity.

Be Realistic

There will always be people who are more successful than you, prettier than you, and make more money than you. The converse is true as well. That will never change. The good news? Just because someone is better at something doesn’t invalidate all your skills, strengths and good qualities. It doesn’t negate your potential for greatness.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

This is the hardest step in the process, and if you can master this one, I applaud you. We like to measure our success against our peers, but we can’t see the whole picture. Jealousy makes you focus in on one point of someone’s life, but you can’t zoom out to see the big picture of their life, flaws and everything. Learn to appreciate yourself and continue to push yourself towards who you want to be. Just because you aren’t there now, doesn’t mean you won’t be some day. Live your life for you, not in the shadow of others. Sometimes you have to beat to the rhythm of your own drum. Think of things you are grateful for. Gratitude has a great way of reeling us back in and centering us.

How do you deal with jealousy? Any other tips you’d add to the list?