end of month update

I look at the date, and I can’t believe my eyes. How is it almost August? How have I not blogged in one month? A first for Dear Debt. I don’t know exactly where all the time went, but it was spent working, a lot.

I remember feverishly working all fourth of July weekend to meet my deadlines. The downside of being your own boss is that holidays no longer matter, especially if you want the money to keep rolling in (but I also find it a great time to work as my inbox is quiet).

Shortly thereafter, I went to Chicago for a work trip. For a period of four days, I had anywhere between one and five hours of sleep. While I was there for event work, the writing work didn’t stop and I was trying to manage everything in a clumsy juggling act, hoping to not drop the ball.

Because I’m no longer 21, but rather 31, this extreme lack of sleep and overwork seriously took a toll on my mental and physical health. I felt wrecked.

I am finally feeling recovered two weeks later, but I’m in my busy season writing a lot, preparing for events at FinCon and acting as project manager for the Road to Financial Wellness. Oh, and I’m looking at my final edits for my book.

Holy cow! When I step outside of myself for a moment, I can hardly believe all that has happened. This little old blog of mine has led to a rewarding writing and event planning career. Winning best debt blog at the Plutus awards led to a book contract.

Dreams vs. Reality

In my wildest dreams, I would have never thought any of this would happen. But as I celebrate my two-year quitiversary, I realize that having all of your dreams come true is so much different in your head than it is in reality.

In your dreams, you imagine all of the good stuff, without any thought to the bad. In reality, having your dreams come true is much sweeter — but also ten times tougher than you think it will be.

Over the past few months, I’ve felt some major business growing pains. I’ve become intimately aware of my own scarcity mindset issues, even though I’m debt free now.

One of the main things I planned on doing once I became debt free was to slow down. I have to say that hasn’t happened at all.

Business Growing Pains

I’m busier than ever and I’m doing it alone. I’m doing it alone mostly because I’m a control freak. Even though I’ve managed people in a former nonprofit job, having people help me with administrative duties still feels so weird.

As the projects roll in, I keep saying “yes”. As a freelancer, you never know if it will be feast or famine, so I always take work when it comes my way. But I’ve realized that in my fear of missing out on work, I’ve taken on too much. For me, it’s so hard to know when is too much until you are in it and trying not to have a panic attack, while you are in a mad rush to finish projects.

In an ideal world, I want to find that Goldilocks balance of work — find what is just right. But it’s hard.

Through this bout of overwork and workaholism, I’ve neglected my blog, my relationship, and my health. I’ve pushed myself to the edge and have been scared to death looking down.

I received some honest advice from friends in Chicago, giving me a nudge to “Diva Up” and really own my dreams and not let them control me. Be the boss of my own business and not be bossed around. And sometimes that means letting go, being honest with what I can and can’t do and prioritize my needs over others.

Making Mindset Changes

It’s tough for me — just a few years ago, I was making $12 per hour and on food stamps. Letting go of my past and accepting my present, while dreaming of my future, has been confusing and tough.

I don’t want to turn down work because I never want to go back to where I used to be…struggling to find work is one of the most humiliating, awful things to experience. It makes you question everything you’ve worked hard for and, in this culture, can make you feel worthless.

Having all of my dreams come true is something I’ll never take for granted. It has pushed my boundaries and taught me so much about myself.

Currently, though, I’m going through some growing pains and trying to figure it all out and manage it all.

I keep thinking of the quote “Don’t be so busy making a living that you forget to make a life”. I think in a lot of ways I’ve failed at that. Part of it is that I still feel “new” at this even with two years under my belt…but also the two years have proved to me that I haven’t failed and my dreams came true, not my nightmares.

So for all you dreamers and doers, know that your life can change for the better and that all of your dreams can come true. Just realize that your dreams coming true probably won’t be like you imagined and that it requires an insane amount of hard work…but it’s important to stand your ground and enjoy your life or else what is the point?

I’m realizing you can create a business that leads to freedom or you can create a business that leaves you feeling trapped. I’m working more on the freedom part — which means taking some difficult next steps, letting go of perfectionism, practicing saying “no” and getting back in touch with who I am outside of work.

In the end, I realize how freaking lucky I am and I am so grateful…and I can’t wait to make things even better, so I can take care of myself…which in the end will be better for my business anyway.

Time is starting to become this weird mystery to me. I only really know what time or day it is because of the meetings that string the hours together, but aside from that it’s all been a blur as of late.

A few weeks ago, I went to the launch of the Road to Financial Wellness tour in New York City sponsored by Centsai. It was great to be back in my favorite city — the site where I accumulated the majority of my student loan debt.

My colleague Tonya Rapley and Jason Vitug, founder of the Road to Financial Wellness

The event was a success, but the trip was also exhausting. Fun, but so tiring. Just days before my trip I signed a lease on a new apartment, which meant as soon as I got back from my trip my life consisted of unpacking, cleaning, and getting settled.

We’re mostly there and it feels so good to finally have a space of our own. I am finally feeling like we live here again and aren’t on some weird vacation.

While I’m so happy to have our own place again, this move hasn’t been cheap. Now we’re paying full-on rent (and not discounted parental rent) and getting renter’s insurance, internet, desks, etc. It’s amazing how many little things you need just to get started in a new place.

Financially it hurts, but I know I’ll just be bleeding money for a month or two and things will level out.

But then again maybe I’m being too optimistic. I’m now going to Chicago for the Road to Financial Wellness pit stop (I love my job — if you’re in the area sign-up!) in July, going to Portland for a wedding in August and will be headed to FinCon in September. Luckily, FinCon is in my home state but I know it will come with some expenses.

I’m trying not to panic about all the expenses, but also trying to be mindful of them and lower them where I can. In addition, I’m working a ton, which I hope will lead to a good income in the coming months.

Going Forward

I’m happy to report that after my post about the dangers of all-or-nothing debt repayment, I actually saved enough for taxes for June. It felt like a big victory, given the previous months. I’m still slowly building my emergency fund and adding money to my investment account, but the savings goals are not happening as quickly as I’d like.

Being on the go so much isn’t a very good recipe for saving money. I’m happy with my experiences though and know that things will normalize soon.

Trying to remember what I had to do when I was getting out of debt — think of the big picture. Things can feel like they’re moving incredibly slow and like it will never get better. But small, consistent actions can lead to big changes. I’m also beginning to think and grow rich, something that I’ve recently adopted from my friend Shannon. Sometimes shifting your mindset can really help.

So I’m hoping that even though things aren’t perfect, that I’m still bettering my life financially every day.

How are things going for you?

I’ve been back in Los Angeles for a week and I can already tell my whole mood has shifted. I’m happy to start the day, throw on jeans and a t-shirt and go for a walk to the local Starbucks to work.

In Portland, I often dreaded getting up. The weather had a severe effect on my motivation and productivity. Sometimes I would just stay in the house for days, hoping it would get better. When I first moved to Portland everyone told me I’d get used to the weather and get over it. I never did. That, coupled with the fact that it never felt like home, I always felt sort of out-of-place and was never quite at ease. Though I made friends and had some great times in Portland, it just wasn’t meant for me in the long run.

I can see now how much I needed this change. This change of location, in just one week, has had an immense impact on my productivity and happiness.

I’m becoming that annoying person that posts how happy they are on social media, because I really am happy to be back here.

It’s funny. Six years ago I left LA vowing I’d never come back. I was sick of the traffic, the smog, the people. I left for New York and had my love affair with the city for a while, before moving to Portland to be with my partner. For the first couple of years when we’d visit family here, we thought, “Glad we don’t live here!”

It wasn’t until the past year or two, that we started to shift. The six years away changed our perspective. We had new eyes to see LA. And as we have changed in six years, so has LA. The things that Portland could not give me (namely sunshine, diversity, arts and culture) LA could.

It started to become an attractive option. My boyfriend, who is a musician, also was feeling like he hit a ceiling in Portland…so LA made sense for him, as the music industry is great here.

I know that I’m in the honeymoon phase right now. Things still don’t seem “real”. I still feel like I’m on an extended vacation — part of that is because we are staying with my partner’s parents for at least a month, so we don’t have a place to call our own yet. We decided that would be best while he looks for work and I travel to Italy in two weeks.

But even though we are in a transitional phase and we don’t have a place to call our own, it still feels like home. LA feels right. It feels like I belong.

I’m excited to start the next chapter of my life. I wanted to update everyone on where I’m at and also remind you of why it’s so important to get out of debt — so you can afford what you truly want! I stayed in Portland for six months longer than I originally planned because I knew I could be debt-free before moving. And let’s face it, moving is expensive.

Between rental cars, hotel stays, food on the road and more we’ve already paid close to $1,500 to get here. Then we’ll have to pony up for higher rent, security, furniture and all that jazz.

It’s a lot of money. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but I know I made the right decision. I truly believe I will be able to earn even more money because I’m happier and more productive here. It’s a bigger city, with hopefully more networking opportunities, which could equate to more money. I’m confident it will all work out and even though my money situation will not be “normal” for a little while, at least I’m not sending multi-thousand dollar payments to debt.

Even though we’re slowly settling in, I can’t get too comfortable as I’ll be on the road in two weeks. I’m going to Italy the second half of the month with my mom! I’m so excited as this is one of the main inspirations for me becoming debt-free. My mom has never been to Europe and I’m so excited to go on this adventure with her. It’s a bit scary as I’ve let all my clients know I won’t be available for two weeks. Last year when I went to Spain and Portugal, I worked here and there. This time, I’m not working at all. It feels weird and scary, but I want to be present with my mom and not be working.

So pretty much I’ll be working like a fiend before and after my trip, but it will be worth it. Here’s to hard work and new adventures! The start of a new chapter!

What’s new with you?

In the three years I’ve had this blog, this is my first end of month update where I’m not reporting my debt progress — because I’m debt free!

It still feels weird to be honest. Sometimes I log into my loan servicer’s account just to make sure it’s still at zero. It feels like a dream in a lot of ways. While I’m super excited about being debt-free, I really feel like I’m starting over. This year will bring a lot of transitions. It’s time for a new life!

I’m also happy to report that my emergency fund and tax fund are back to where they started! So for those of you who thought I made the ultimate personal finance faux pas, it’s all settled now.

I plan on continuing to pad my emergency fund and next month I will start investing! I’m so behind on that front (as evidenced from my pathetic retirement score), but I plan on using my same passion for paying off debt to now build wealth through investing. In addition, I am saving for my move to LA and also my trip to Italy. Even though I’m debt-free, life feels very expensive. But I’m grateful because these are things I’ve been putting off for years.

On that front, I’ve also spent a good chunk of change on my health this month. My health insurance premium went up now that I’m making more money and I scheduled a physical, eye exam, and massage this month. Some things aren’t covered by my insurance so I had to pay out-of-pocket. It feels good to be prioritizing my health, though. Last year was amazing, but my mental and physical health took a toll from all the work.

Last year, my words for the year were bold, balance and adventure. I rocked everything except the balance. Failed, totally.

This year, the two words I’m focusing on are growth and wellness.

I’m continuing to grow and get out of my comfort zone. I taught my first live workshop (which you can get on-demand) a few weeks ago and it was awesome! I loved it! But I was so anxious beforehand. Once I got into it, I realized how scary things seem when you’ve never done them before, but how not-so-scary they are once you’re in the thick of it.  

Think of any major moment in your life. It seems scary, but once you do it, it loses some of its power over you. You realize the world doesn’t end. It’s hard, but not so bad. You can do it, if you work at it.

This year I want to grow my business and do more workshops and events. I want to successfully launch my book. I also want to grow as a person and travel more, learn new skills, etc.

The key to growth is staying open to new opportunities and embracing the uneasiness of getting out of your comfort zone. I’m ready!

The second part is wellness. To me, wellness means I’m taking care of my body and mind, cultivating a healthy, balanced life and enjoying my relationships. Last year was my first full year as a solopreneur and I put everything behind my work. I’m not proud of that. Sure, I’m a hustler and workaholic, but what’s the point if you ruin your relationships and your health?

Wellness right now means letting myself sleep nine hours per night if I need it. It means closing my computer at night and hanging with my boo. It means saying yes to friends, instead of saying “No, I can’t, I’m so busy!” (ugh, that’s the worst).

It also means taking days off. I realize that working all the time depletes your energy and creativity. I knew I had a problem when I had no new ideas and I hated everything I wrote. That’s NOT a good feeling when you have to submit articles every day. Last week, I had a much-needed break in my schedule and took two days off and holy whoa it made a difference.

I saw a movie during the day and walked around town. Skyped with friends. Read. Slept. And finally, ideas were starting to come to me again. My motivation was back.

Days off are necessary to refuel your tank. When you’re running on empty, your work and everything else suffers. So this year, I’m working toward wellness in all areas and really putting myself first. It’s hard because sometimes it means saying no, or asking people to be flexible, or setting boundaries. At the end of the day, you have to put yourself first. But in order to achieve growth and wellness this year, that’s what I have to do. 

How is 2016 treating you so far?

2015 is hours away from coming to a close. This year, in a lot of ways, was a year of transformational growth for me. It was my first full year as a solopreneur and I’ve learned so much and grown in that time.

I wanted to create this space to reflect on all the things that happened this year, both personally and professionally, as well as address the successes and the learning opportunities (because there is no such thing as failure).

This year, I traveled to New York (twice), Las Vegas, Spain, Portugal, Seattle, the Oregon coast (x3), Charlotte, Denver and Los Angeles (twice). Half work, half play, these trips helped me imagine what I want my future to look like. Travel has always been my number one goal for becoming debt-free and I want to take advantage of being location independent and enjoy being semi-nomadic.

Professionally, this year far exceeded my expectations. It was the first time in my life that so many things surprised me. I surprised myself at what I was able to accomplish and I was surprised by what career opportunities came my way from seemingly insignificant or trivial interactions.

This year I co-hosted five brand events with companies that I’m proud to work with. I organized two blog tours, one of which was The Road to Financial Wellness, which was a huge passion project for me.

I’ve written countless articles this year for clients big and small. Not only that, but I’ve gone from writing articles for $25 to $75, to $200 to $400+ in the same year. It feels wild and crazy. Recently, when I raised my rates for several clients, I was surprised. All of them said yes, without flinching, and actually said I deserved it. One gave me a raise without asking.

I’m not saying this to brag, I’m saying this because earlier this year I had a limited idea of what was possible. I thought freelancers were supposed to struggle to find work and that getting well-paying work was a fluke or a thing of the past. Don’t believe the lies!

That’s not to say that the process was easy. I had to make tough cuts and jump off a metaphorical cliff, believing the process would work. But it did.

In addition to the events and writing, I was shocked to learn that I won Best Debt blog and also was featured as one of the most inspiring personal finance stories of the year.

I was also surprised that right after winning a Plutus award, I was contacted by a publisher to turn this blog into a book. I guess now is a good time as any, to tell you. I’ve kept quiet about it, as I’m still very much in the thick of it as we speak.

A part of me hates publishing all of this because so many good things happened this year. It seems kind of ridiculous. But I have worked for these things and they were not without their costs. Most of all, I am absolutely grateful for all the opportunities.

In the beginning of 2015, I said that my three words for this year were: bold, balance, and adventure.

I can definitely say I’ve had a ton of adventures and fun this year. I’ve been bold in ways that were uncomfortable or nerve-wracking and surprised myself on several occasions.

I completely sucked at balance. I was a crazy workaholic for most of the year, logging 60 to 70 hours most weeks. Which brings me to the downsides of this year (because as I said, everything has a cost)…

I worked entirely too much this year. The amount I worked took a real toll on my relationship, which I cherish, and also my physical and mental health. In January I had pneumonia and an ear infection. March brought a crazy bout of tonsilitis so bad I couldn’t swallow. November brought a random bug that left me immobile in bed.

I haven’t been sick three times in a year since I first started working with kids a decade ago. In addition to the illness, I felt so very fatigued. I experienced the real definition of fatigue. It’s more than just being tired. No amount of coffee or relaxation will help. It’s a deep exhaustion that lays thick in your bones, making it hard to move and do just about anything.

I’ve also been indolent as all get out. Exercising used to be part of my commute. I used to walk three miles a day and then bike eight miles a day. Remember, I don’t have a car.

Now that I work from home, my commute is ten feet away. I’ve barely exercised at all and have gained some weight. It may not be noticeable to anyone, but it is to me. But it’s not so much about that, but just feeling unhappy about my lack of physical exercise.

Mental health was also hit or miss. I do very well getting excited about the good times and opportunities, but let too many small things affect me. I’m a sensitive soul and sometimes get hurt over trivial shit that’s not really important. I also have a habit of over-analyzing things.

So, while 2015, by all looks and appearances — and in reality — was the best year yet, there are things I want to change, so I can live happy and healthy, and in love. I have no regrets about my career and love being my own boss, I just need to work really hard on the area I missed the mark on this year: balance.

I want to let go of unnecessary stress and way-too-high expectations of myself. I want to ditch the last remnants of the employee mentality and completely embrace the fact that I am my own boss. I want to have more spontaneity and not feel glued to the computer.

I have goals for my life and business, but I’m a bit goal’d out to rehash them here. I think sometimes when we focus so much on our resolutions and goals we forget to let life happen to us. Let life in. Savor the moments we haven’t planned.

What’s Next?

As I mentioned before, 2016 is going to be a big year — an expensive year. First of all, I’m moving back to Los Angeles in April. Long-time readers know that I’ve never loved Portland or felt like it was home. I’ve been longing for NYC or LA the whole time I’ve been here and that’s four years too long.

LA seemed like the right choice, as both of our families are there — and now my 93-year-old grandpa, who I only know through occasional visits, is there too. We have some catching up to do. Also, after living in gloomy Portland, I’m in desperate need for some sunshine.

I stayed in Portland all these years because ultimately it helped me pay off my debt quicker, because of the low-cost of living (despite the first few years of struggling to make it here).

Moving to Los Angeles will effectively double my rent. I know this sort of thing probably seems egregious to some in personal finance, especially because I can live anywhere. Why not choose somewhere with a low-cost of living?

All I can say is that LA and NYC are expensive for a reason and I can’t wait to go back. I am counting down the days. Paying more for rent will be worth it for my happiness and being close to family.

Approximately two weeks after I arrive in LA, I am going on a trip I’ve been dreaming of for years. My mom and I are going to Italy. She’s never gone abroad and we’ve discussed this for a long time, so I’m thrilled to make it a reality. It will be just us gals and I can’t wait to show her the world — because she is my world.

I’m also going to finish up this book and if all goes well, have it released later in the year.

So pretty much all of my previous debt payments will now go toward moving and saving for moving, going to Italy, increasing my rent, building up my emergency fund and investing.

It sounds exhausting and scary, but I’m debt-free now! I look forward to building and not just maintaining. I look forward to funding my future, not my past.

And letting go of some of the emotions, frustrations and setbacks of this year and be inspired by possibility for the new year.

Here we are at another start of another month. A new beginning. A fresh start. I’m excited to try to rock November and make some changes in my life so I can be happy, rested, creative and fulfilled.

October was not bad, it was just stressful and seemed to drag on. I felt like I didn’t have my head on straight. It was hard to focus and hard to stay in the moment.

I was always thinking of the future, or dwelling on the past, or letting Larry David get too far into my head. I’m trying to practice more mindfulness and gratitude and let go of perfectionism and OCD. It’s so very hard, but I know that’s what I need to do. Let go.

I think I have too much mental clutter. Though I espouse the benefits of minimalism and live with very little stuff, I seem to have a lot of mental clutter that needs to get disregarded.

I suppose some of it was exacerbated by the fact that October was an emotional month for me. It was my birthday month, which always gets me reflective in a certain kind of way.

In addition, there’s been some big changes for my family. My 93-year old grandpa recently moved from Michigan to live with my parents in California, after his wife passed away. That of course is a huge transition — but the good news is that I will now be going home for Thanksgiving for the first time in nine years, so we can all spend time together. I cannot wait as this will be the first time my partner will meet my grandpa, who I think is the coolest person ever.

In addition to that, I received some bad news about a friend that has affected me deeply. My friend is suffering from cancer. I am just in shock as they are not much older than me and it feels so wrong.

It’s in these moments that you really start looking at your life. I’ve been filled with questions that I can’t answer.

What is my purpose in life?
How can I live every day to the fullest?
Am I doing everything I can to be happy?

Yeah, I’m in total existential mode — which is why I guess I’ve been a bit quiet. I don’t know what to say. I don’t have the answers. Focusing everything on money seems silly when Real Problems arise.

But I’m moving along. I’m making things happen. Trying to find some balance in the hustle and enjoying all that life has to offer while keeping up with my debt repayment goals.

This month I put $3,300.02 toward debt. The two cents was to kill off the final interest on one of my loans! My current numbers:

Undergraduate loan: $4,791.52
Graduate loan: $9,171.08
Total: $13,962.60

I’ve been using the avalanche method of focusing on highest interest debt first. For me, the math just made sense. My undergrad loans were relatively small at 2.3% while my graduate loans had nearly triple the balance of my undergrad loans, with interest rates of 6.8% and 7.9%. In short, it was costing me too much money! At its highest, my interest was costing me $11 per day, so I knew that I had to knock this thing down.

My goal for the next two months is to continue paying off my debt at this pace and learn to relax and enjoy life. Try to be happier. I guess I also have a case of the blahs — the rainy season has officially hit Portland and the constant gray really does a number on me. Also, I’m not excited about it getting dark so early, but I have to remember that seasons change.

It’s time to turn a new leaf!

What are your goals this month?

Can someone please explain to me how it is already October? Where has this year gone? Where did September go?

This year has been an epic whirlwind and so many good things have happened. It all feels surreal and weird and awesome at the same time. But it’s not all fun and games, that’s for sure. This past week, I’ve definitely felt some of the extreme lows that you can feel when you are your own boss.

Solopreneurship is so very rewarding when you can see an idea you had come to life — and be appreciated by others. But when things don’t go well, or when things feel overwhelming, you’re the only one to deal with it. But as Tess Vigeland from FinCon said, I’d rather be on a roller coaster than a merry-go-round.

I’m feeling better now but have had some mood swings lately. I’m blaming it on the moon.

In other news, September was my BEST debt repayment month yet. I’m in the home stretch!

Last month I put $3,946.92 to debt. My original goal was to put $2,000 a month to debt, so this is nearly double my original goal. My current numbers are:

Undergrad: $4,883.59
Grad: $12,322.92
Total: $17,206.51

I keep thinking about all the different scenarios of how I can reach debt freedom as soon as possible and to be honest, I’m not sure all of them are healthy. In the past week or two, I’ve thought about:

• Completely draining my emergency fund (the plan is to draw from it a little toward the end and replenish the very next month — but not all of it)
• Borrow money from myself that is set aside for my self-employment taxes (ugh, probably not the best idea, but taxes aren’t due again until January. What if I can make it up by then?)
• Selling some of my FinCon swag (is that terrible? Anyone need a selfie stick, ha?!)

Like I said, I’m in full on problem-solving mode and I just want this gone, yesterday! I never imagined being this close. For so long, I was paying off debt at a snail’s pace. When you make $1300-$2,000 each month, it’s very hard to make any progress on a large balance of debt. I’m now putting more to debt than I ever made in a month and it’s kind of mind-blowing.

It’s crazy to me, because here’s the thing. This blog isn’t the most popular nor does it have a lot of traffic. I’m not the most talented writer out there. I don’t think many people would consider me traditionally successful. But I’m still doing the damn thing! What makes me different?

• I’ve never stopped hustling, ever
• I’ve tried many things, failed, learned
• I’ve built genuine connections with people
• I’ve cut things out when I outgrew them (which can be quite painful actually, when people you like are in the picture)
• I learned to say no to working for free. Exposure doesn’t pay the bills
• I’ve learned how to be bold
• I think about ways to turn everything into an opportunity

Taking a different approach has given me a new lease on life — and a shorter debt repayment. Soon, I’ll be saving and investing and will finally dump debt for good. I can’t wait.

Sorry for the disappearing act folks. That was completely unintentional on my part. About two weeks ago, I got slammed with work — I edited a short book, had several rad coaching sessions with awesome students, and kept writing and writing, except it was all for clients. On top of all that, I’m planning A LOT behind-the-scenes for FinCon and an upcoming blog tour.

It’s all fun and good stuff and it still feels weird that this is my life. I’m really bummed though that I neglected my baby, Dear Debt. I do feel the most at “home” here and want to give it the love it deserves.

I want to make sure I’m staying true to the point here and keeping myself accountable to paying off debt and inspiring others to do the same. The irony is that the money that pays off that debt comes from clients and not this site — but I still need to treat this as my number one client and keep it all in perspective.

Anyway, I wanted to share a little about what’s going on and also share my new debt repayment numbers!

This month was not as impressive as last month, but still more than my original goal. As I mentioned before though, I got some one-off payments that hit last month, which I knew weren’t coming in this month. But after all is said and done, I was still able to put $2,500 to debt! I’m particularly excited about this update as I got rid of my last 7.9 percent interest PLUS loan!

That interest rate was killer and now I’m dealing with those pesky 6.8 percent loans and a few thousand at 2.3 percent for my undergraduate loans.

Undergraduate loans: $5,043.27
Graduate loans: $15,979.91
Total: $21,023.18

I’ve paid off $36,000 in debt since January 2013 when I started this blog. I am so freaking close to being under 20k! I am so ready for this to be done. For the first time in my life, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Debt is no longer something that I will have “forever” but something that I will say, sooner rather than later, that I’ve overcome. It will be such a sweet payoff. I know some people say getting out of debt is anti-climactic, but I really don’t think that will be the case for me. I think I will cry and scream — and my dream is to host a debt payoff party. Hey, I can dream and plan 🙂

What’s new with you? What are you looking forward to?

Every single month, as the payments start to trickle in, I hold my breath a little.

“Will I make my goal this month?” I think.

My goal is to put $2,000 per month — or the equivalent of my monthly salary last year — to debt, in order to be debt free by May of 2016.

This month, I received a few payments for projects that I had worked on for months, so it was good to finally see that pay off. That, plus some extra work thrown in there, made for a very good month.

This month, I put $3,482 to debt.

I can hardly believe it. I told my friend about it and she immediately worried about me. “Are you saving money for taxes?!,” she exclaimed.

Yes, I’m saving for taxes and still saving a nominal amount for my emergency fund and other targeted goals. What can I say, I’m making more money — which is still weird for me to admit.

For so long I totally embraced the starving artist/low-paid nonprofit worker mentality. It’s a comfortable place and you can always make self-deprecating jokes about it. However, being broke is anything but funny.

I never want to go back on food stamps again. I never want to make 10 dollars per hour again. If I had to, I would — I never, ever want to think I’m too good for work. But I also want to value my time and accept that I DO have more worth than my previous jobs financially dictated.

This is something I want to write about, as I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt lately. Odd, I know. I feel guilty for making money? Yes, I do. I feel like it removes me from the people I am so passionate about helping. The chasm between working class and middle-class is so large, an ocean can run through it.

Anyways, those are some things I am dealing with in the wake of finally making more money. But that extra money is allowing me to put more to debt.

So, after putting so much to debt, what’s left?

Undergraduate loan: $5,139.51
Graduate Loan: $18,296.67
Total: $23,436.18

While, I’m super proud of my progress here, one area that was a bit more murky was my $100 per month Spending Diet. I hit some obstacles this month that confused me. Namely, my parents were in town and it was my boyfriend’s birthday. I quickly realized it would be impossible to meet my $100 budget if I considered those things as part of “fun.”

Aside from that, I went a little over, once again with my food weakness. But I don’t regret spending money on my boyfriend’s birthday or while my parents were in town. That is what I think of as money well spent.

Also, I’m trying to train my mind to focus on the positive. I could beat myself up and feel relentless guilt about spending more than I wanted to this month. But instead, let’s focus on the fact I blew my goal out of the water! That’s what’s most important to me — that I stay on track with becoming debt free.

I know I’ll get there. I just need to focus on one day at a time. Day by day, step by step.

How are you doing on your BIG, audacious goals?

I am so excited to share my debt totals today. This is a far stretch from my lackluster payments the past few months, which I was embarrassed to share with you.

But finally my income has started to increase. Finally my hard work is paying off.  It’s the greatest feeling in the whole world to have my income improve and have people come to me for work.

I feel like when you first start out, you hustle hard, work for low pay and you are trying so hard to build a name for yourself. If you work hard, those things do all work in your favor — eventually.

Before you think I have a glamorous life, or that it has come easy, let me offer some perspective. My RescueTime tells me I have logged nearly 60 hours a week since I started. I also work every weekend and every day — something that I’d like to change. Even so, I’m still grateful.

Starting this blog was the best thing I ever did. Yes, this blog itself hardly makes any money (no Adsense here), but it has served as a platform for my writing. It’s my own little space on the internet. And I’ve met the most beautiful and inspiring friends — and I hope to make more at FinCon this year (are you going?!)

So, drum roll please…

I put $1,700 to debt, $300 to my moving fund and $100 to other savings goals. That’s $2,100 towards debt and savings this month! I know for some debt rockstars that’s a normal payment and I applaud you! But let’s review my financial situation.

One year ago my take home salary from my nonprofit job was $1,800 per month. And the year before that, I was working a seasonal temp job and bringing in $1,300 a month.

Essentially, I put the equivalent of my old salary and then some towards debt and savings! I can’t believe it.

If you’re a long time reader, you know that when I started this blog I was not in a good place. I got a master’s degree and moved to Portland to be with my partner and could not find a full-time job. After previously having a successful career in LA, (which also at its max only made $38,000), I was disheartened and deeply in debt. Everything felt like a joke and a sham.

When you are in that deep of a depression, it’s difficult to remember that there are blue skies beyond the gray clouds. All you see is the storm and it feels like it will never go away.

I want to cherish this moment because I want to remember that good times and bad times come and go. Nothing is forever. So if you are dealing with a particularly tough time right now, have faith, and keep trying. It will get better. I promise. It may take years and test your patience and make you feel like you are losing your mind. But life isn’t for the weak, it’s for the fighters. You can do it.

Because I’m dealing with an upswing right now, I want to practice gratitude for this moment. It could be stripped of me and things change month to month. So I will celebrate this win and continue to work hard and be grateful for everyone that has helped me along the way.

After putting all that money to debt, here are my final numbers:

Undergraduate Loan: $5,490.83
Graduate Loan: $25,293.67
Total Debt: $30,784.50

Ahhh, I’m so close to getting to the twenties! Probably next month. I took out a total of $81,000 in debt in my lifetime and when I graduated with my M.A. in 2011, I had $68,000 left.  I’m hoping that I can continue on this path of growing my income and expediting my debt repayment. Even though my payments have been large, relative to my income, this process is still dragging out. I am sooooooo done with debt.

All of this has me questioning my potential move, which is crazy. I keep wondering if I can just hold on a little longer and enjoy the lower cost of living (compared to where we want to move) and kill this debt in a year or two.

We’ll be making a final decision about everything in August, so we’ll see. But I’m worried as I generally don’t love Portland nine months out of the year, but the summer is so freaking glorious here. I will try to make an unbiased decision in August, but I know the nice weather will be cooing sweet nothings in my ear.

So, that’s my exciting debt update! Also, if any of you have been dying to write a dear debt letter, I’d love to feature your letter over the next two weeks while I’m on vacation. People generally feel some sort of catharsis through the process of writing a breakup letter, so I highly recommend it.  🙂

How was your debt repayment this month?