Category:

debt

Don’t Give Up Hope

by Melanie March 18, 2014

written by Melanie

When you want to give up

Throw in the towel

Be done with this shit

Cry in the corner

Scream in a pillow

Don’t give up hope

Believe in yourself.

Believe in possibilities.

You may not see it now, the hard work you are doing.

It doesn’t make any sense does it? Why would it?

It’s nonsense and all sense.

Life is beautiful, even amidst the chaos.

If you are buried in debt, take a deep breath. Be grateful you are alive.

Enjoy food that keeps you nourished. The roof over your head.

If you hate your job, be grateful you have one, and try to get out.

If you don’t have a job, keep looking. Have faith. Things change.

It’s all cyclical.

But most of all, don’t give up hope.

If you are single, and lonely and can’t find love, enjoy your friends. Enjoy your hobbies. Enjoy freedom in your solitude.

If you are in a partnership, say ‘I love you’ everyday. Remember why you fell in love. Savor that moment. Replay it in the cinema of your mind.

But if you feel like your world is falling apart, don’t give up hope.

It’s a test. Life will throw many of them at you. It might shake you to the core, change your outlook.

It might make you wary, tired, or depressed.

Just don’t give up hope.

If it’s really bad, please seek help.

You are not alone.

If you dream of better days, keep those dreams alive.

This is only temporary.

If you are living your dreams, give back to others who need some support.

We need you.

You can do it.

You can get out of debt. You can find the love of your life. You can move where you want. You can find a different job. You can find a job. You can make money at your passions.

The broken record is just that, broken.

Put on something new.

Even if everything is telling you “No”, fight to say “Yes”.

You have to want it.

Just don’t give up hope.

March 18, 2014 17 comments

debt

Life and Debt

by Melanie March 14, 2014

written by Melanie

I met with some friends earlier this week that I hadn’t seen in a while. It was so nice to catch up and hear how they are doing. Most of them had exciting news to share: One was moving to Spain at the end of summer to teach, another recently moved and started a new job. We shared stories of the people we knew and caught up on everyone’s life.

When it was my turn to share what was new, I had remarkably little to share.

“I’ve been crazy busy, working a lot”, I said. I told them how I work sometimes till 3am on the weekend, and the various side gigs I have.

“Do you need to work that much? I mean you have a full-time job”, one of my friends responded.

I replied that I am working my way out of debt, and my friends know that is important to me. But I still could feel their discomfort with me working so hard. I can feel my own exhaustion permeating my bones. The conversation quickly changed, because it’s not really exciting to talk about how you are working all the time. It’s not sexy (to pf outsiders) to talk about how much debt you are getting rid of per month.

I left the meeting with my friends feeling pretty low. It was so nice to catch up with them, and I was genuinely excited about their good news. But the evil green-eyed monster came forward. I started to feel jealous. Why can’t I move to Spain? Why can’t I find a better paying job? Why can’t I have more adventures on the weekend?

The answer is simple and obvious. I could do most of those things if I wasn’t so serious about paying off debt. It hurts so much to feel like I’m putting my dreams on hold though. If I die tomorrow, will I be happy that I worked every weekend? Will I be happy that I spend one night a week with my partner? Will I be glad that I traveled less?

I’m really not trying to have some YOLO-inspired post about how I should give up on being so rigorous with my debt repayment. However, it does feel like I’m really missing out.

I’ve decided that I need to practice more self-care, and after this marathon of work ends this month, I am going to start relaxing more. I deserve to pay myself with some time and love; because at the end of the day, working everyday doesn’t mean anything if you can’t buy more time, or more freedom.

How do you balance your life goals and debt repayment?

March 14, 2014 32 comments

dear debt letter debt

It was all a lie

by Melanie February 19, 2014

written by Melanie

Dear Debt,

I don’t think you’ve ever really loved me. After all these years, I’m haunted by what feels like a farce.

Am I the butt of your joke? Is this a game to you? I wish we could go back to the way it was.

I remember the honeymoon phase like it was yesterday. You made me feel complete, and safe. I felt like I could do everything with you. It was as if only you and I existed and we created this beautiful world around us where everything was perfect.

But the perfect life was wrapped in lies. It was only our imagination. Fake money, fake dreams, fake lives. Fake, fake, fake. Phony. Liar. Failure.

You’ve failed me, and I’ve failed you. It’s time to get our shit together. I’m too old for this.

I have to get the courage to leave. I have to stand up to you – and say NO. I will not allow this to happen. Not this time, not again. I’ve dealt with the psychological abuse long enough and I need to heal. I can’t pretend everything’s ok anymore. I just can’t do it.

The truth is screaming out of me. Those unwanted words are waiting for you to pick them up. Put me back together again.

I’m fragile and scared – I don’t know what it’s like to be without you. Part of me wants to hang on, because what will I do? Who will I be? So many questions and not enough answers.

There are no answers.

There are only choices.

I am making a choice.

Goodbye,

Melanie

February 19, 2014 17 comments

debt freelance life pf-fail taxes

Oh No! I Owe (Taxes)

by Melanie February 17, 2014

written by Melanie

I finally got my taxes settled this weekend and for the first time in my life I owe the IRS money. After some back and forth, and crunching the numbers, I owe roughly $300. Earlier iterations proved to be much higher, but were due to human error (note: triple check your taxes!)

I’ve always been one to gloat over tax refunds. That has been extra money towards my student loans, partial vacation funds, and saving cushions. I was making such a low income before I got my current job (16k/yr), but doubled that this year by finally getting a full-time job. I hustled all through out this year and made close to $5k in side hustle income.

In the past 2 years I’ve been hustling, I guess the low-income and the untaxed income just evened out. This year I continued and didn’t give a thought to paying taxes on my independent contractor income.

I know, I know. Total PF fail.

I’ve really learned a lesson here. Although $300 doesn’t seem like a lot of money, it felt like a huge burden to me. It’s almost my half of the rent. It’s practically what I pay in interest per month on my graduate loan. This $300 sparked so many conversations this weekend. Because I have depleted my savings and choose to throw almost all extra income toward debt, I have very little fluid cash to work with. This means I will inevitably have to lower my student loan payments a bit, which really sucks. But here are the steps I’m taking to get through it.

#1: Start a Tax Savings Account

After I realized I was going to owe, I immediately started a tax savings account. The great thing about Capital One 360 (affiliate link) is that you can have sub-savings account. When I got paid on Friday, I transferred over several hundred dollars to my new account to ensure that I had funds available to pay my taxes. Going forward, I will put 10% of all my 1099 income in my new tax savings account, to prevent this from happening again!

#2: Don’t Panic

I’m not going to lie, I panicked a bit when I found out I was going to owe. Sadly, I didn’t even think that it was a possibility. I have been so focused on paying off debt, I hardly thought about my taxes. My empirical evidence gave me no reason to think I would owe. But the good news is I made more side hustle income this year! The bad news is I need to pay taxes on that biz! All this to say, panicking doesn’t help or change the situation.

#3 Don’t Get Discouraged

The only certainties in life are death and taxes right? Don’t get discouraged. Unfortunately taxes are a part of life. You are a not alone. You are not a loan. This will be just one more thing to get over.

I will be paying my dutiful part to the IRS in the next few weeks. I will look forward to the side hustle income actually hitting my accounts in late February, early March. Although I’ve felt a bit down about this unexpected money, it just reminds me that the debt repayment journey is a process. It’s ups and downs, plateaus and setbacks; the main thing is that you got to keep going!

Have you done your taxes this year? Are you expecting a refund or do you owe?

February 17, 2014 49 comments

debt

Let’s Talk About Debt, Baby

by Melanie February 10, 2014

written by Melanie

Shhh, I want to talk to you about something, ok? I don’t want people to get the wrong impression or nothing, but I want to talk to you about…..debt. Let’s talk about debt baby, let’s talk about you and me, let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be (props if you got that reference).

Not enough people in this country do it. We don’t want to talk about debt, because it’s our own fault right? We must internalize the shame of our debts and keep it secret.

Some people can’t even utter the number. It’s as if we’ve been financially slutty, and we don’t want to reveal “the number”. And I’m not judging the people who do that, but our society that makes it easier to make racist and sexist jokes than it is to talk about our money and our debts.

Yet, we live in a nation built upon debt. Debt upon debt upon debt. That is our foundation for a nation.

I am advocating for more conversations around money and debt. When I stood outside of my school and begged for tuition money, I was making a statement. This was one year before Occupy Wall Street and still many people did not want to talk to me about student loan debt.

“Oh, well it’s your choice to go back to school, and to an expensive one at that”

Yes, this is true and for that I will take responsibility. However, we also live in a culture where millennials have been told we could do whatever we want, and that if we do something it should always be the best. So why not go to the “best” school for the “best” opportunities?

I digress…I’m glad that the Occupy movement started to open up these conversations. A silenced nation protested its secrets. When I was protesting at Occupy Wall Street, I met an older woman who at 72 years of age told me the government was taking money from her social security check because of an outstanding student loan. My heart broke for her. I was determined not to be in that situation.

With debt, there is so much blame and shame that people don’t want to speak up. But what change could occur if we did? Sometimes you don’t know something’s a problem until someone says something. We don’t know what hurts are lying behind our cool exterior.

We can change ourselves, a community, a city, a neighborhood and a nation. We might not see it today, or tomorrow or in our generation. If I thought I couldn’t change anything, I would have given up long ago. It can get frustrating at times, like walking in circles and still feeling lost.

But let’s start the conversation about debt. Why and how did you get into debt? Imagine the money we spend on debt, and what we could do with that elsewhere?

It starts with us, and it starts now. You with me?

February 10, 2014 33 comments

debt

Student Loan Interest is the bane of my existence

by Melanie February 15, 2013

written by Melanie

I recently did my taxes and found out that I paid $4,292.48 in student loan interest last year. This number is appalling and makes me physically ill.

That is approximately 50% of what I paid towards debt in 2012.

That is close to 25% of last year’s income.

That could easily afford my dream vacation with my mom.

That is 10 months of my rent.

That is a healthy emergency fund.

When I see numbers like that I can’t help but think of derailed dreams, a postponed future and lingering in limbo. I can’t help but think how much that money would benefit me now and all the things I could do with it. Even more, I think if I were to donate any fraction of that amount, how much it could truly help other people.

How did it get so bad? When I went to undergrad, I took out $23,000 in loans at 2.5% interest rate. If I didn’t go to grad school, I could have paid that off in 3 years and still lived a reasonable life.

But I did go to grad school, something I am trying to come to terms with. Something that I am not trying to resent, regret and become a bitter part of my life. I never felt oppressed or trapped with my loans before grad school. Some time after I graduated undergrad, the student loan industry changed.

I received my 68k in Graduate PLUS loans at 7.9% interest.

I think that is just absurd. To go from getting student loans at 2.5% and within three years going up to 7.9%? It seems so cruel. Honestly, if I just had 55k in student loans left to pay back, I wouldn’t feel that bad. I know I would pay it off eventually.

But with this crazy amount of interest, it always feels like you are taking one step forward and two steps back.

When you make a 1k payment and see that $600 of that is going towards interest, what’s the point? Refinancing my student loans is something that I definitely looked into to lower the interest rate. Depending on your situation, it could be a good option for you too (though it’s important to know that you’ll give up federal student loan protections).

But sometimes it does feel like a trap you can’t get out of.

A game that no one can win.

A cruel joke.

Now when I was 26 and signed my loan paperwork, it was very different from when I signed my loans at 17. At 17, my dad pretty much told me to sign at certain places so I could go to college. I was much more independent and aware at 26. Leaving my career for grad school was the biggest decision of my life at that point…and I took a vested interest in reading everything carefully. I remember reading about the changes in the student loan industry. I remember using the loan payoff calculators to estimate my payoff date. I remember panicking and thinking that the interest would be a lot. At the time, I had so much faith.

Having a dream and making it happen regardless of the cost feels amazing- and that is what I did. Submitting to a disappointing reality after that dream, is frustrating, and can downright cause an existential crisis.

Although I am feeling so angry, frustrated and helpless with this student loan interest, I cannot give up. I have to play their game. I’m already 20% there in a year and half and if I give up now it will all be for naught. The more I pay, the lower the capitalized interest will be. I need to be patient, calm, positive…..and try to find that faith and hope that I had not so long ago. As my partner said, I cannot be a victim of my debt, or they have won.

I am still a person who loves, feels, has shelter and at the end of the day is supremely lucky. Although contrary to this blog, I cannot let it define me.

How do you get over extreme disappointment or deal with massive debt? Tips helpful!

February 15, 2013 12 comments

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