Dear Debt,
You do not define me. My worth is more important than the value of your number.
Love,
M
Oh, Yes It Is.
I have some exciting news! I am finally moving to self-hosted and will actually have my own legit website. Lucky me! Everything is still getting transferred and I will work on it to make it shiny and new so I can share with all of you.
What you should know:
- It will still be personal finance related
- It will be more creative
- I want it to be more interactive and more inspirational
So it will be changing a bit, but I think the changes will be good. Change is interesting. I had a fantastic blogger meetup on Thursday, came home at midnight and dropped $100 on my domain and hosting. I was so excited about my new idea. I feel passionate about creating an inspiring space that motivates people to payoff debt and also share their experiences with debt. Then yesterday I had a moment of panic.
I just dropped $100 on a website. I don’t have that many readers. What if no one follows me to the new site? I have no clue what I am doing.
These thoughts are still there, but I am moving through them. It’s not too much of an investment, and I hope to get more opportunities out of having my own site. To help me get through the uncertainty and fear, I have a mantra I’ve been following.
It’s not a challenge, it’s an opportunity.
Whenever I feel like I am freaking out because I don’t know how to do something, or doubting myself, stressed out, etc, I ask myself to find the learning opportunities instead of focusing on this seemingly insurmountable road block ahead of me. Because you know what? Usually they aren’t that big once you get them up close. It just looks that way in your head. Doubt distorts your vision.
Once the new site is up and running, I will let you all know. I hope you will find me there and participate 🙂
Good morning debt destroyers! I had a different post in mind today, mostly about how I feel so behind in my financial life, but then considered that I didn’t want to start off the day with feelings of inadequacy. What if I am right where I am supposed to be in this moment? So I thought I’d have a positive, celebratory post stating that I am below the 50k mark!
Current Debt: $49,331.13
Graduate loans: $40, 780.39
Undergrad loans: $8, 550.74
Paid off in 2013: $9,030
I am so excited! I thought I was falling behind, but I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Even though I’ve had a severe case of debt fatigue, and some lifestyle inflation since I got my job, it’s nice to know that I’m still not doing that bad. It’s inspiring to know that I could do even more!
For those paying off debt, I can’t stress enough how much of this process is mental. I’ve accumulated a total of 81k in student loan debt getting all smartified. The first four years of debt payment, I was just going through the motions, never paying more than the minimum. Then after I graduated with my M.A. my debt total skyrocketed and I knew I had to focus, try harder and obliterate this financial deathtrap. I didn’t see any significant progress until I mentally committed to overcoming my debt. Over the past two years, I’ve paid off nearly 20k, and as you can see 9k of that was in the past 7 months. For the first 5 months of this year, I made 12/hr. BEFORE TAXES. So if you think you have to make a lot of money to do this, think again. I admit that I have cheap rent, low cost of living and don’t have kids, so I can make this happen.
The math seems impossible, but I know that the reason I’ve been able to make it happen is mostly because of my side-hustles, living a pretty minimal life and having a cushion in savings. I’m hoping my next payment can get my graduate loans under 40k. To see that number in the 30’s would feel so good! Somehow 30k seems a lot less threatening than 40-50k.
I am not doing the debt snowball method, which would dictate that I get rid of my undergrad loans first. Those are sitting pretty at 2.5% interest, while my massive graduate loans have an interest of 7.9% (daily interest is $6.25!). So far it’s working for me.
How is everyone else doing? How do you stay motivated in a long stretch of debt repayment (years)?
I’m feeling more motivated with my debt repayment, and starting to really enjoy Portland. I realized a lot of my disdain for this city was my projections of my failed career life. Now that I have an awesome job I love and am learning, growing and connecting, it doesn’t seem so bad. There are some really amazing things about this place and I want to cherish every minute of it. I do still have a case of severe wanderlust though.
I’m a dreamer and love to imagine all the places I want to go, sites I want to see, adventures that can only be held in my memory and never properly transcribed to words.
Paying off my debt is both my biggest deterrent to following my dreams of travel, while also the most motivating to actually get out of debt. Isn’t that interesting how that happens? I really want to go to Istanbul, Paris, Cairo, Tokyo, Edinburgh, Bangkok, Santiago and more. Here in the states I want to go to Chicago, Austin, and New Orleans. I want to back to Lansing and visit my grandpa. I love the feeling of adventure and getting away. The feeling that time doesn’t matter and that every moment that you have experiencing something new is an absolute treasure. A story that you will replay in times of sadness, or fear to remember that your life, at times, has been magical. For now, I’d like to reminisce about the places I’ve been.
Madrid, Spain: Madrid was my very first abroad experience when I was 21 (7 years ago!). I had saved up almost a years worth of my minimum wage salary to go study Spanish in Madrid and other Spanish cities for 5 weeks. Although, I talk a lot about my student loans here, this part of my education I do not regret one bit. Although I could have thrown this amount of money at my standing student loan debt, I am glad I didn’t. Studying abroad changed my life forever. It helped me become (almost) fluent in Spanish, get jobs because of my new language skills, open up jobs in study abroad, and ignite a new, fiery passion for travel. I remember leaving home and arriving in Madrid tired and exhausted. I had studied Spanish for over three years and was regarded as one of the best in my class. I went to Spain and couldn’t understand a word. The accent was different and everyone spoke so quickly, I couldn’t keep up. I experienced first hand the real pangs of culture shock. Also, I don’t eat pork and there was ham hanging from every restaurant window. I called home to my mom, crying and telling her I didn’t know what I was doing. She encouraged me to stick it out and boy am I glad I did. My Spanish got way better, I got to try new foods, live with a host family, and travel to other parts of Spain. It was the first time I had been a way from home and I matured so much.
Amsterdam and Dordrecht, Netherlands: After a really crappy year in 2007, 2008 was starting to shed some sunlight. Things were starting to turn around for me. I had been living in a series of bad experiences, bad timing and bad luck (I am really amazed at the power of human resiliency). In 2008, I got a generous offer from friends to go to the Netherlands. I went to Dordrecht and Amsterdam for about a week and it was just the sort of reprieve I needed. I got to meet new and old friends, explore the canals, drink beer and watch curiously at those engaged in the “coffee shops” and red light district. My mindset and confidence shifted with this trip.
Buenos Aires, Argentina: In early 2008, when the fog of my crappy year was starting to disappear, I wanted to do something crazy. Something that I would do by myself, something I would remember forever; an adventure. I had always wanted to go to Buenos Aires, so I waited to find the cheapest price and booked it. I imagined meeting cute Argentinean guys, getting lost, practicing my Spanish, dancing tango and more. Three months before my trip, I met my current boyfriend. All of a sudden my image of my Eat, Pray, Love (book is better than the movie, the movie sucks) vacation was disintegrating. But for those who care to know, my boyfriend and I said ‘I love you’ after three weeks and things moved very quickly! I told him I had planned to go on this trip, a journey really, but now it was different. I wanted him to come, but it was too quick, too much money. So I went on the trip myself, missing my newfound love. I arrived in BA, the air filled with music, tango, flavor and life. I checked into my hostel and was immediately greeted by a Brazilian named Luis. He wanted to show me around. Me, being naïve and dense, said of course. The long and short of it is that by the end of the trip my new Brazilian friend was promising me marriage, kids, and a life in Mexico. I don’t want the first two things, but he promised me I would never have to work again. My partner and I laughed it off when I came home. The sites, the sounds, the color, movement and emotion in Buenos Aires really moved me. Also, please look up Grandmothers of Plaza de Mayo
Colonia, Uruguay: I only spent a day here as I took the ferry over from Buenos Aires. It was a nice, sleepy, coastal town. I remember walking aimlessly, sleeping on the beach and just taking everything in. It’s these moments of nothingness and contemplation that make me feel really live.
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: You should know that even though I can’t afford it, I look up flight prices to various locations weekly. It’s a torturous game I play with myself, and sometimes I’ve been really lucky. Like in 2009. Do you remember that horrific airplane crash from Rio to Paris that disappeared into thin air, with weird flashing lights and they never found the black box? Yeah, scary business. Well, I happened to be looking at flights from LA to Rio a week after that happened, and I found round trip tickets for $438. I could hardly believe my eyes. I couldn’t believe it, so I just kept going through with the process, until I bought two tickets for my partner and me (sad advantage to a terrible tragedy). Ooops, I guess we are going to Brazil! Brazil was enlightening, magical, and wondrous. The people are so gregarious and loving, given the country’s very sordid political history. The music is booty shaking, and those caipirinhas are downright dangerous. The beaches are incredible and the geography is wonderfully diverse. It’s also a place of extreme wealth and poverty. We went on a favela tour, which I had mixed feelings about. I definitely felt like the rich, privileged outsider going into a poor neighborhood to see how they lived. We felt better after finding out the tours were by locals and the money went back into the neighborhoods. We took motorcycles up very steep, and windy roads, without seatbelts. It was one of the first times I ever though I could actually die. The favela (I went to Rocinha) was complex, beautiful, functional and very interesting. Everyone was friendly. They had their own security carrying Ak-47’s. It was a once in a lifetime experience, which left me thinking about things very differently. I stayed in a hostel with 7 other guys in the room, so there was little romance for my partner and I. The owner of the hostel suggested we go to a ‘love hotel’. She said they were pretty common, as Brazilians don’t typically move out until they marry. There was a love hotel involved, and that is another hilarious story that should be kept private 🙂 I desperately want to go back to Brazil as my visa expires this year, but with what is going on with the Olympics, World Cup and tourism, I don’t know if it’s the right time. Oh and I have 50k left in debt, but you know that will go away eventually.
Chiapas, Mexico: As part of my graduate school program, we had a class in Chiapas, Mexico! Yes, that is right! It was probably one of the coolest things I have ever done. I spent three weeks in Chiapas, practicing Spanish, creating theatre, learning about the history and more. The divide between rich and poor became larger and I started to question the role of the traveler. Chiapas is beautiful geographically, but wrought with poverty. It’s a hard dichotomy to accept and I still ask myself how can we make this gap smaller? The trip was also life changing and unforgettable.
Montreal, Toronto, and Vancouver, Canada: In 2011, after I had 19 interviews and still no job, I was starting to have an identity crisis. I wasn’t sure if I should move from NYC, and I wasn’t clear on the direction my life was taking. I decided to take a 5-day trip to Montreal. I took the train from NYC to Montreal and it was absolutely gorgeous. 12 hours of time standing still, greenery and friendly faces. Montreal was fun. I went alone and was already fairly depressed, so unfortunately the trip wasn’t great. I realize that even if you are doing something fun and amazing, if you are not in a great mood, your mood won’t magically change. I was questioning lots of things and in the thick of making another life changing decision (moving to PDX). I was about to head home just as Hurricane Irene hit and my train was canceled. I had to re-route. I re-routed to Toronto and spent two days there before going back to NYC. Toronto was lovely. Any Toronto peeps go to Jet Fuel Coffee? Badass. This past Thanksgiving, my partner and I went to Vancouver and spent time on the beach, Granville Island and more. I wish I would have been a blogger at that point so I could meet Girl Meets Debt and other pf bloggers!
Reykjavik, Iceland: Are you signed up with Travelzoo’s top 20? If not, do it now and thank me later. I’ve been to NYC from PDX rt $122 and found this crazy deal to Iceland this past January. $600 for RT flight, hotel, bus and breakfast WHAT? For your edification, Iceland is crazy expensive. As in, we had fish and chips and 1 beer for dinner each and it was $50. OUCH! Overall, the geography, nightlife, politics, people, and lifestyle really impressed me. The landscapes were surreal. We rented a car and went around to see waterfalls, mountains, birds, hot springs and more.
In the end, I haven’t regretted one of my trips. Yes, I have carried debt with them all and it doesn’t matter to me. I have lessened the expense by using miles, finding deals, staying in hostels, filling up on continental breakfast and enjoying free activities. Aside from the Spain trip, most of my trips have cost between 1k- 1.8k for everything.
While I am still dreaming, tell me about your favorite places? Or what places are you dreaming of going to?
The other day I got a gig offer. $20/hr to hand out flyers at a stadium. The job was stupidly easy and it would be $120 in my pocket. I’ve mentioned in my Side Hustle post, that I’ve worked as a Brand Ambassador. As an extrovert, I find it really easy to talk to people, especially because there is no selling involved.
However, when I got this gig offer, I had just come off the heels of WDS, which consumed my whole weekend (in a good way). I barely saw my partner at all over the weekend, and last week our schedules were exactly opposite. He is a musician, and I am a non-profiter, so sometimes we are two ships passing in the night. The night of the gig we planned to have a ‘make dinner and watch a movie’ date. I was really looking forward to relaxing and spending some quality time with him.
I deliberated long and hard. What would make me feel better? I wish I could say the answer was easy. Having $120 would feel good now, but spending the evening with my partner would feel good now and later. Also, the shift would go until midnight and I had to work at 8am the next day. I decided to say ‘no’ to the gig. I felt like I did the right thing immediately afterward, however I felt a knot in my stomach for the rest of the day.
I said no. I said no to money. It is not in my DNA to say no to money, especially when I am in aggressive-debt-payoff mode. But I was starting to feel like I was missing those precious moments with my partner. Those moments that validate why we are together, and why we are best friends. Lately I leave when he is sleeping and he comes home, when I’ve already gone to bed. Our conversations have been short, need-to-know nuggets of information. In the end, I feel like I made the right decision. It’s a hard balance to pursue your side-hustles, when you have a relationship/family/pet/(insert whatever). Part of me wants to devour money and make it my own, so I can feel like I am in control. The other part of me, realizes there are only so many moments in life, and you can’t take money with you when you go.
How do you find balance in your side hustles vs. relationships/family, etc?
P.S. I’ve decided that I don’t want to give up my blog, but I want to write about a lot of things. Money, relationships, travel, art, culture and more. If you’ve been reading my blog, you know it’s more personal than finance anyways. I am still thinking of how I want to move forward with this change. For now, I’ll keep blogging here, but in the future I might be making a change. Thanks for reading!
I find it fascinating that when people are going through hard times, they say ‘everything happens for a reason’, as if this is part of the journey. Whatever hard times there are, it is par for the course; disguised lessons.
Conversely, when something good happens in someone’s life, we always credit ourselves. Someone gets a job, a relationship, or some other success and we pat ourselves on the back for all our hard work.
Why the divergence in thought? Is it because it’s easier to think that everything does happen for a reason, rather than take the blame for things that are not going so well in one’s life? Do we want to claim personal responsibility when things do go right?
Regarding the free will vs. determinism debate, I am not sure what I believe. There are times that feel like everything does happen for a reason. You might not realize it in that moment, but just like a story, it unravels over time and presents itself. There are other times in life, when I’ve made mistakes. Some mistakes with more severe consequences. I’ve made some mistakes numerous times and I’ve cursed myself again and again that I didn’t learn. I know for a fact that those things were my doing and could have been prevented.
But maybe it did mean something in the whole scheme of things, even though it seemed utterly pointless, sad, or ridiculous at the time.
Right now, I am feeling like everything makes sense; that maybe everything does happen for a reason. I don’t want to get caught into that trap though, and have it paralyze rather than empower me. I want to create a life that is extraordinary, magical, full of adventure, and genuine. To be authentic as much as possible, without fear, judgment or doubt.
This weekend my thoughts are going wild. I am attending the awesomely inspiring World Domination Summit. Since I can’t afford the $500 price tag, I’m volunteering 🙂 I also attended a friend’s wedding that was in the park. It was a potluck, very casual, just a few friends and family. It was perfect. A reminder of the simple things and all that we need and an inspiration for a frugal, fun wedding!
I have one more day of crazy WDS business, and then back to work. Thanks to all who dealt with my whining thoughts about blogging. I’m feeling more inspired, and more committed to listening to myself and what I want and need.
How is your weekend shaping up? Do you think everything happens for a reason?
As you may or may not know, I don’t have a car. Ever since I left Los Angeles, I said adios to cars. Living in New York without a car is a no-brainer. Portland, while being pretty good on the public transportation spectrum, still isn’t as easy.
I don’t want a car for a variety of reasons. Truth be told, I’m not the best driver. I had an at fault accident a few years ago, which was pretty pointless and stupid. It would actually make a pretty good blog post if I weren’t so embarrassed about it. It cost me a lot of money, my dignity and I totaled my car. Thank goodness I didn’t hurt anyone. I recovered from it, but decided I didn’t want to have to drive all the time.
In addition to not wanting to drive all the time, I don’t want to fork over hundreds or thousands of dollars a month towards something that is always depreciating. I have over 50k in debt and I want to throw all my extra money towards that.
Lastly, not driving is so environmentally friendly! For the past three years, I have taken public transportation, walked and biked almost everywhere. It’s also a great way to get to know where you’re living and explore new things.
Last year, after walking to work for about three months and realizing how much of a bicycle culture there actually is here, I thought I must get a bike. What kind of Portlander would I be without one? I started doing research and all the new bikes were also several hundred to several thousand dollars! PDX is a serious bike town and some people do spend thousands on their bike. If they have the money, good for them, but I’m not spending that kind of money on something that could easily afford me a car. So I searched Craigslist. Good ol’ Craig can be hit or miss and I was seeing half broken, janky or just plain awful bikes. But I knew that my bike was on there somewhere.
Then I saw it: a turquoise mountain bike for $50. WHAT?
I emailed them right away, as I know first hand that it’s a numbers game when it comes to finding good deals on CL. They got back to me and I met the owner at her house. I thought for sure something would be wrong with it. She said she hardly used it, but wanted to upgrade to a fancy road bike, so no longer wanted a mountain bike. I rode around the block and all the gears were fine, tires were in tact and filled with air. SOLD.
Now that I had an almost new, awesome bike for $50, I knew I had to get some gear, even as minimalist as I am. I know this might be nasty to some, but I bought my helmet at goodwill for $5. I splurged and got a (new) bike lock for $25.
All in all, I spent $80 for my new ride and gear. Now that I work 4 miles a way, I save $5 a day by riding my bike and get 8 miles of riding in per day. I feel great and feel like a true Portlander. Although I do take the bus occasionally, last month I spent $35 on transportation. A monthly bus pass is $100, an expense I don’t want to add to my budget. Riding my bike will save me hundreds of dollars this year, while getting my workout in! The bike has more than paid for itself at this point.
Do you ride your bike to work? Do you live in a bike friendly city?
After I graduated and told anyone who would listen about my dire debt load, everyone casually and optimistically told me about IBR (Income Based Repayment). IBR caps your payment off at 15% of your discretionary income, so that payments are affordable and manageable based on your income and family size.
Many of my peers in grad school opted for IBR under the 25-year forgiveness plan, which states that if you make payments for 25 years under IBR, the rest of your loan balance will be forgiven. As this is new, there is some debate about how this will actually work, and whether people will get taxed based on their forgiven loan balance.
Based on my income, I am sure my payments would be pretty small and manageable. I have a friend who is unemployed and under IBR her payments are exactly $0 a month.
But I don’t want to be 53 years old when I pay off my student loans. I hardly want to be 30, but it looks like if I stay on task I can hopefully be debt free by 32. Which requires me to pay about $1300/mo for the next three and a half years. HOLY WHAT?!
Sometimes it seems so overwhelming. As someone who loves travel, I always think of what trip I’d be going on if that money weren’t going to debt. It’s a terrible way to think and I’m trying to stop going down that path, but know that in a few years I will be truly free and I can accomplish all my financial and life goals.
Do you have student loans? What payment plan works for you?
It’s June 1st already! Wow, time flies. I’ve been blogging for six months and so much has changed—in a good way!
I am so glad May is over, for budgeting purposes at least. I started my new job and celebrated a bit too much. It was years of pent up depression and anger, just wanting to release itself in the form of celebration. I also had to spend money on getting a new driver’s license, take a class for my job (out of my own initiative), we bought a couch for $50 (that’s a steal!) and I took some friends out for dinner who helped me prepare for some of the technical stuff required for my job.
Thank you to those who responded to my What’s Next post! It will come in handy, because I am making my June budget this weekend. In January, I had only made my budget until May because I knew how much I’d be making and that I had a job until at least May. After that, it was anyone’s guess and I didn’t want to create a budget if there was no reason to have one (i.e. don’t spend ANY money besides necessities). Now I have a job, a better salary and I have 5 months of data to show my spending habits. I’m pretty good in all areas, except going out! Every month I try to be better and somehow I fail. It’s just so easy. And you can sort of justify it because you need to eat. I am not going to beat myself up about it, but know that this is my Achilles’ heel and that I need to be super mindful of it.
I just got my first paycheck yesterday! Hooray! Unfortunately, because it came so late, it’s now going straight to rent. This was the lowest month for paying back my student loans in my blogging history. I’m down only $700 and at least $250 went to interest. Sigh. From here on out, I need to put down at least $1000 per month if not more. Looking at those numbers makes me sad. I fantasize about all the trips I could be taking every month! Or the flush savings and retirement I could have!
Coulda, woulda, shoulda….
My student loans are now at $51,760. I cannot wait to get under 50k! It will feel amazing. Today and tomorrow I am doing some side hustling, which should be able to bring in several hundred dollars. Also, I have family in town this weekend and next! A lot of things going on here, but all of them good. I am so happy to say I only have good problems and I am so privileged!
How was May for you? Any exciting plans for June?
For the majority of time I’ve been writing on my little slice of the Internet, I’ve been desperate to find a job. I couldn’t adequately comprehend paying off my massive loans without finding a steady, decent paying job.
Luckily, the universe gave me a break and I have reached my biggest goal of the year, which was finding full time work. I’ve been there less than a month, and I won’t feel fully secure until the 90-day intro period is up. But I’m feeling pretty good about the direction everything is going and I have faith in myself that things will continue to get better.
Now that I have reached my ultimate goal this year, and probably celebrated that fact a little too much (my May budget died a slow death), it’s time to get back to business. I want to pay off debt and have this gone as soon as possible. Although, I’ll be able to pay more towards more debt, my debt payoff timeline won’t change. If you go back and read my first post, I state that paying off my debt with my current income is impossible. Now it is possible, instead of just a dream! But I still have years to go….(uggggggggh)
I want to be a well-rounded, financially fit person. I have money to cover six months of bare necessities in an Emergency Fund. I put $150 in savings each month that I don’t touch. I have roughly 1k in my retirement fund that I started in grad school and stopped after I graduated and couldn’t find a job (I cannot wait to replenish savings and build up retirement once I am debt free!).
What’s next for me? I could throw all my money at debt, including my savings, but I start to feel physically uncomfortable with anything less than 1k in my checking.
Should I:
A) Stop saving and throw everything towards debt
B) Keep paying off debt, keep saving and start saving for retirement
C) Pay off debt and save for retirement
D) None of the above. Insert better answer _____________
What do you think? I want your opinions and expertise!