I am quickly approaching 30 and I am now in the age range where it is expected of me to have kids. For the record, I have never wanted kids. I have known this since I was 7-years old, when I had a panicked thought that as a woman I had to have kids.

I grew up and realized I didn’t have to do anything. Kids are a choice, not a requirement.

So for many years, I have told people that I don’t want kids, and I got the requisite, “Oh, just wait ‘til you’re 30! You’ll change your mind.” I am practically there and I have to say that in my life I have never wavered once — not even a bit.

I have already disappointed my family and my partner’s family (of course, this is a choice we agree on) — all of which is exacerbated by the fact that my partner and I are both only children. It’s the end of the line and the onus is on me. But guilt is not a reason to have a kid.

Being of an age where most people want kids, and me continuing to realize that I (still) don’t, I am starting to look into permanent options to remain childfree. It’s kind of scary and awesome, but it sure does make my decision final, which seems to make other people uncomfortable.

I feel like there are a lot of misconceptions about me and assumptions around being childfree. Here are 4 common misconceptions about being childfree by choice:

I hate children

This is absolutely, completely not true. I have worked in education for most of my adult life, working as an afterschool program manager, and teaching artist. I love working with children for many reasons. They are so malleable and have fantastic energy. Teaching theater to elementary school students has been one of my favorite jobs — young kids don’t have an ego about them, they are curious, inquisitive and passionate. I have often said, I’ve learned far more from working with kids than I have from teaching them. I don’t want kids of my own, because I feel like I have many of them all over the country. I think this assumption is unfair and just shows how difficult it is for some people to comprehend that a woman could willingly not want to have kids, yet still like them. Because there must be something wrong, right?

I’m immature

People often think that I’m just “immature” and I’ll “grow out of it” “when I’m ready.” Not wanting to have kids has nothing to do with maturity and everything to do with knowing myself really really well. As we know plenty of people of all maturity and experience levels have kids.

I had a bad childhood

Nope. Sorry to put the kibosh on this one, but I didn’t have a terrible, traumatic childhood that made me swear off having kids forever. My parents were normal, loving, and kind. I was a pretty normal kid — I played outside (do kids still do that anymore?), watched TV, and had a wild imagination as an only child. Nothing about my childhood has affected my decision and I think it’s unfair to assume that people have to be severely hurt or traumatized to not want kids.

I must be a lonely, raging single feminist who hates men

Lonely? Nope. Raging? Only sometimes. Feminist? Check. By the way, being a feminist doesn’t mean you hate men, in case you are following the INSANE women against feminism movement. I am in a happy, committed relationship and we both knew before we were together that we didn’t want kids. Because if one person wanted kids and the other didn’t, wouldn’t that be a deal breaker (it should be!)?

I have said it before and I’ll say it again. There is no reward or adulation for not having kids. No one says, “Great job! You can’t afford them anyways, you are making the right decision!”

Nobody says, “Thanks for not bringing an unwanted child into the world.”

Why? Because we are judged. It is an unconventional choice and many people can’t handle it. Just because I don’t want kids, doesn’t make me disapprove of your decision to have them.

I don’t judge any of my friends for having or wanting kids, so I ask for the same respect.

There are certain people in the world that just aren’t good for you. You know the types. The types of people who make you feel bad when you hang out with them, or quietly (but obviously) judge you for who you are or what you do, or the people who just plain manipulate any situation to their advantage.

As I’ve gotten older, I find myself really wanting to take care of myself. Not only take care of myself, but nourish myself. In my younger years, I was a magnet for people who completely depleted me and left me with nothing but doubt, fear, sadness and insecurity. Because of those situations, I was driven to spend carelessly without regard to consequence. It wasn’t just other people — it was me, too. I was a mess and I attracted other messes. I ate terribly and drank recklessly.

So glad I’ve…matured. But just because I’ve gotten older and wiser doesn’t mean everyone has. There are still people out there that are a bad influence on you and will throw you off kilter, kill your soul, and ruin your finances.

Here are five types of people to avoid to increase your health and wealth:

The Energy Vampire

Oh, the energy vampire. They come in many different forms, some more innocuous than others, but they are all the same. They completely zap any energy and positivity out of you. They are the overly chatty, breathing-all-the-air types, or the debbie downer who is sad about everything, or the constant complainer who has not one good thing to say about anything.

It’s utterly exhausting being around these people. It’s like you can hardly respond to anything they have to say because they’ve already zapped your energy.

Start minimizing how often you see these people, or cut them out altogether. They are zapping your creativity, productivity, and killing your soul.

The One-Upper

Do you know one of these special kind of people who have a knack for just making you feel bad and inadequate, regardless of what you say or do?

Example:

1. Normal person: I’m so excited! I just ran my first half marathon.

The One-Upper: Oh really? Well, I ran a marathon while being pregnant with the stomach flu. It was crazy! I can’t believe I did it.

Normal person: …

2. Normal person: I’m doing alright. Last week I was sick and had to go to the doctor.

The One-Upper: OMG one time, I thought I was going to DIE and wound up in the ICU for a week on life-support. It’s a miracle I’m even here.

3. Normal person: I’ve paid off $30,000 in 3 years making a nonprofit salary of roughly the same amount.

The One-Upper: Oh that’s nothing! I support six kids and pay more to debt on $30,000.

The one-upper can be highly annoying. It’s like no matter what you say, they have a better story, a more impactful experience than you do. On one hand, I can see its merits. The one-upper sees an opening for connection — a conversation starter. But then it turns into something completely about them and their crazy/better experience, thus invalidating yours.

One-uppers can do a number on your self-esteem and make you feel like you aren’t progressing. You see one-uppers everywhere, but especially in the personal finance world. Everyone wants to one-up each other in regards to debt repayment, how much they can save, and how far their money can go.

This is not the poverty Olympics. Life is not a race. Your experience does not invalidate someone else’s. Avoid these people to keep your sanity and happiness intact. Surround yourself with inspiring people, not people who rub it in your face how much better they are doing than you.

Drama King/Queen

In the world of the drama king/queen every day is a new crisis, or at least a perceived crisis. There is always some level of insane drama that never seems to go away, or get resolved, and is perpetually lingering.

It’s a way of life. You ever notice that some people just feed off of drama? It’s like they’re addicted to it. They don’t know what to do without it. So even if there’s no drama, they’ll find some.

These people can be a huge energy and money drain. Avoid at all costs.

I’mSOBUSYIcan’t

OMG I’m so busy right now, I can’t hang out.

Too much going on.

Three months pass by after sending an email…then finally a response.

You know the busy bodies who never have time for you, because they are sooooo busy. Here’s the thing. Everyone is busy. Yeah, that’s right. Everyone. Not just you. Thanks for trying to fit me in to your precious schedule.

But really, everyone is busy and is managing various priorities. If someone is really important to you, you’ll make time for them plain and simple. Even if it has to be weeks ahead, even if you have to stay in touch via email or text for a while.

These types of people are notorious for flaking. I can’t tell you how many times I’ll schedule a happy hour with one of these people, order my drinks, and wait…and wait…and wait. Then get that notorious text.

Sorry, got caught up with stuff. Can we reschedule?

Being the nice person I am, I will kindly oblige. But I’m pissed because I just made the effort to be some place and I’ve already spent money and now I’m drinking alone. Triple fail.

Gossiper

Gossip is a type of currency for these types of people. You can’t even have a conversation without talking smack about someone else, or dish the latest news of info that normally should be completely confidential and discreet. At first you feed off their exciting energy and insight, but quickly you realize everything they say is talking crap about someone else.

Then you start to wonder. What do they say about me? What have they shared about me? The gossiper is notorious for sharing lascivious and confidential details, while making you feel like you are the only one they are sharing that info with. Well, guess what, you’re not. They’re gabbing all over town. Don’t trust these people, they are not your friends. You will have to do damage control eventually.

By avoiding these 5 types of people you can increase your health and wealth and start living a well-rounded, balanced, and meaningful life.

And my confession? I’ve been every single one of these people. I’ve catastrophized situations that weren’t that bad, I’ve completely emotionally drained my friends with my breakup baggage, I’ve gossiped at work about the latest news, and I’ve done my own share of one-upping to make myself feel better, and I’ve been “too busy” to hang out with friends.

I’m not proud of it, either. But I’ve recognized these traits in myself and realized I don’t want to be like that, or around others that are either.

Out of the five, which type of person drains you the most? Which one can you most closely relate to?