When I started this blog in January, I wasn’t in a good place. Not emotionally, not mentally, and most of all not financially. I was driving myself crazy trying to find a job, hustle, pay my student loans and find my meaning of life in a hard time.
I started this blog to stay sane keep myself accountable in the debt payoff process, but wanted to remain anonymous because
a) I was looking for a job
b) I wasn’t the best version of myself
You know that thing about first impressions? Well, I didn’t want the “real me” associated with my-not-ideal-self. When you are going through some stuff, it’s hard to put your best face forward and I wanted the safety to complain, rant, wish, dream and dare to think and process everything that was going on.
I now realize that I was also ashamed of my debt. My present was mocking any value that my education had for me. I was ashamed of my dreams that I held so close, I was ashamed I let myself get into so much debt; I was ashamed that I honestly believed education could get you anywhere.
Most of all, I was ashamed of myself. My debt represented my mistakes and I wasn’t quite sure how to get back on my feet again. I was living on the shelf of regret. After finding some success, and losing your footing, it can be hard to orient yourself again. But the beauty about life, is that it is cyclical. It comes in waves, ebbs and flows that crash sometimes subtly, sometimes with a fierce roar.
This is temporary.
Hi. My name is Melanie and I’m breaking up with debt.
I’ve come a long way since January, and have gotten back on my feet and found some sense of normal and success. It feels good. Damn good.
For all those people who are mired in debt like I am, don’t be ashamed. It’s part of your story. Your journey. Your legacy. Your triumph. It’s ok that we’re not perfect. It’s ok to be human and make mistakes. It makes you more real.
Are you ashamed of your debt?
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37 comments
Wooooo! Congrats on “coming out!”
Hehe. It’s a “soft” coming out. Brent inspired it really. Thanks for being a great support my friend!
Good that you are not ashamed! Amen to being debt free and helping you sleep better at night. We’ll get there!
I knew you would be as lovely on the outside as you are on the inside Melanie 🙂 This post is seriously my favorite post EVER. You’re awesome 🙂
THIS IS MY FAVORITE COMMENT EVER! 🙂
I used to be ashamed of my debt. I didn’t talk about it and didn’t share my story with anyone. Hell, even my wife knew very little of it. I finally realized that talking about it spurred me to get rid of it along with helping others get rid of theirs. I don’t have any problem talking about it now and my debt taught me some very powerful lessons.
Wow, even your wife? It’s amazing how debt can put an emotional stronghold on you. I am learning so much and can’t wait to reach the other side.
“I’ve come a long way since January, and have gotten back on my feet and found some sense of normal and success. It feels good. Damn good.”
My favorite part of your post!! Good for you Melanie 🙂
Thanks, Mackenzie! It feels great to have you in my corner and I am in yours too, my friend.
Great post! It’s nice to be able to relate to others out there looking to achieve similar goals. Getting into debt is never something we set out to do, but often find ourselves sunk faster than a blink of an eye. Luckily my debt isn’t too outrageous but I know if I don’t get things corrected and going on the right track now I will be headed down a very dangerous path soon. Blogs like yours inspire me to keep myself held accountable and headed in the right direction. Thanks!
Brittany, thanks so much for the comment. I am glad my blog has been an inspiration. It’s easy to sink quickly into debt but hard to get out! We’re here to support you and work through this together 🙂
Woo hoo, way to show off your beautiful face, girl! I agree everything is transient. I do at times feel some shame, but I know the light at the end of the tunnel is near (though it took me quite some time!) and to just keep going!
Hehe, making me blush! You are so close to being done girl and moving on and moving up in so many ways!!
Way to own it Melanie! Yay I don’t have to keep calling you M now. 🙂
🙂 Yeah, it was getting old. I’m tired of being ashamed and scared!
I’m not ashamed of my debt — it’s most student loans. I am a little embarrassed that I’ve been out of school for almost six years and still haven’t paid it off, though. I had hoped to be further along than this by now.
I know the feeling! I want my student loans gone asap. Onwards and upwards.
When I had my student loan, and at that time I was also looking for work, I was pretty embarrassed. I hated the feeling of being not only jobless but in the red. But it was temporary and now I’m debt free woohoo!
Yay for being debt free! Can’t wait to join the ‘debt-free’ club!
Education does help us in life, but education doesn’t always mean spending money to take classes. Unfortunately they don’t teach us that in the education system. Haha, why would they?
Glad to hear you’re not ashamed of your debt anymore. The world revolves around debt anyway and it’s perfectly natural to have it. In fact, the entire economy would grind to a halt if everyone were to pay off their debts all at once. Every dollar in our wallets and bank accounts originally came from somebody’s debt, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I have a lot of debt too but I never let it get me down 🙂
It’s a sad state of affairs that the world revolves around debt! I will be glad to kick mine to the curb.
Hi Melanie! My blog is anonymous because I didn’t want my family to know about the debt. I told my significant other but not my parents. Yes, I was ashamed to tell them or friends about my debt.
I completely understand– it’s hard to be ok with it, especially if it’s a sore spot for you. Glad you are part of this community, Morgaine!
I’ve been working on a post that reminds me of what you’re talking about here, “Life isn’t Linear”. It’s not always getting better or easier, but there’s no shame in that. It’s just part of the journey.
Life is definitely not linear, it’s all a journey, ups and downs, adventure and boredom. Looking forward to reading your post.
Nice to put a face to the name! Love this post, Melanie! 🙂
Thanks, Lisa 🙂
I agree, it is nice to put a face to the name! I think it’s great that you have decided to “come out”, Melanie. I am not necessarily ashamed of my debt, but I’d like to keep some sort of privacy for the time being as I blog very openly and honestly about my financial past, present and future. Perhaps, one day I will share a photo too! 😛
Thanks, Eva. Trust me, I completely understand about being anonymous. I am not going to “out” myself in a huge way, as I also am very open about finances and emotions, but I was getting tired of complete anonymity. I have met enough bloggers in person, and trying to have people just call me ‘M’ or to not admit to people I blog, just seemed to shut a part of me off. To each their own though.
I love your last paragraph especially. It’s so easy to get so wrapped up in paying off debts and cringing at the mistakes we made, that we lose sight of whats important. I’m certainly ashamed of mine because its my one big mistake in life (aka my only regret). Working past that number and being able to truly live is a work in progress.
Debt is hard to deal with, but don’t lose sight of what’s important–ever! Thanks for commenting, Rebecca.
I wasn’t ashamed, but I definitely didn’t feel very good about being in so much student debt. I felt like there was a $30k elephant sitting on my chest and I was suffocating.
Ugh, I feel the same. I’m moving through it, though.
I should probably be more ashamed of my debt than I am. It’s student loans, which makes it a little more forgiveable but it can be embarrassing to admit.
I’m in the same situation! It’s still embarrassing to admit the number, but I am more comfortable with owning my debt now.
I was ashamed prior to starting my blog but I now fully embrace my debt as one more obstacle to overcome.
Yeah!! You’ve gone through so much girl, this is just another thing. You are so strong and brave.