I met with some friends earlier this week that I hadn’t seen in a while. It was so nice to catch up and hear how they are doing. Most of them had exciting news to share: One was moving to Spain at the end of summer to teach, another recently moved and started a new job. We shared stories of the people we knew and caught up on everyone’s life.
“I’ve been crazy busy, working a lot”, I said. I told them how I work sometimes till 3am on the weekend, and the various side gigs I have.
“Do you need to work that much? I mean you have a full-time job”, one of my friends responded.
I replied that I am working my way out of debt, and my friends know that is important to me. But I still could feel their discomfort with me working so hard. I can feel my own exhaustion permeating my bones. The conversation quickly changed, because it’s not really exciting to talk about how you are working all the time. It’s not sexy (to pf outsiders) to talk about how much debt you are getting rid of per month.
I left the meeting with my friends feeling pretty low. It was so nice to catch up with them, and I was genuinely excited about their good news. But the evil green-eyed monster came forward. I started to feel jealous. Why can’t I move to Spain? Why can’t I find a better paying job? Why can’t I have more adventures on the weekend?
The answer is simple and obvious. I could do most of those things if I wasn’t so serious about paying off debt. It hurts so much to feel like I’m putting my dreams on hold though. If I die tomorrow, will I be happy that I worked every weekend? Will I be happy that I spend one night a week with my partner? Will I be glad that I traveled less?
I’m really not trying to have some YOLO-inspired post about how I should give up on being so rigorous with my debt repayment. However, it does feel like I’m really missing out.
I’ve decided that I need to practice more self-care, and after this marathon of work ends this month, I am going to start relaxing more. I deserve to pay myself with some time and love; because at the end of the day, working everyday doesn’t mean anything if you can’t buy more time, or more freedom.
How do you balance your life goals and debt repayment?
- Talking About Money and Mental Health - September 12, 2022
- Dear Debt, We’re Better Apart - June 27, 2022
- Announcing The Mental Health and Wealth Summit - May 4, 2021
32 comments
I totally feel your pain sometimes, and unfortunately I give in way too often. (can you say $250 concert tickets with an $200 rental house for a country festival coming up in a few weeks) I’ve come to the conclusion, if it makes you happy do it, but in moderation. You cant be stuck up in your house all of the time.
Ooo concert sounds fun! I need to do more fun things in moderation. And mini-adventures!
About a month ago, I think we decided that our debt repayment wouldn’t be all or nothing. We would still travel, eat out with friends on occasions, and try to see movies when there’s one we really want to go see.
Only you can decide what is worth it for you, but I find myself thinking that if you want to travel, you should plan a trip. Debt can wait an extra month, but your youth and your ability to travel will most likely change as we get older.
I still go out and have fun, but it’s the bigger picture things I feel held back on. Like travel or moving — I feel stuck in place. As a semi-nomadic person, it drives me nuts. I need to find balance and realize I can’t not live my life because of debt.
We go through this too, Melanie. Others are taking spring break trips with their families, and we are stuck at home. ARRGHH! Good for you, though, for making the decision to take better care of yourself. It’s all about balance, my friend. 🙂
Oh, that’s tough! I want to go somewhere so badly. Balance is such an elusive concept for me, but I’m trying 🙂
I know exactly how you feel, as I went to college for something I was really passionate about, kind of knowing the chances of getting a job in that field were small (at least where I currently live). Student loan debt is the only debt I have, and it’s hard not to slightly regret my decision. My boyfriend is in the same boat and it’s a really sensitive subject for him.
I think you deserve a break though! After going through a period of depression years ago, I know myself well enough to make my mental health a priority. Stress and I don’t mix well, which is why I lean toward cutting expenses vs making more. I like to enjoy life, and I don’t think that necessarily makes one irresponsible. I also went out last night to see friends and it was really fun. There just comes a point where we need to stop beating ourselves up about our past decisions and make peace with it. At least March is half over!
Wow, I never thought about the cutting expenses vs. working more from a stress point of view. Very insightful! I generally like to do things that make you feel good. Working makes me feel good, but I think I might have taken it too far this month. I think I can cut expenses and relax and still have joy.
I think that you need to schedule one super cool thing a month or else you will resent the process. We are so proud of the work that you’re doing and there is no shame in spending some of that money for…FUN! GASP!! You will still pay off your debt in the time frame that you’ve set for yourself. Make sure to practice self-care in all of the sectors of your life.
I do have fun money — I still go out to eat, go to concerts and do some traveling. My thing is thinking big picture. I want to move and live abroad one day — or move back to the East Coast. I feel like I can’t accomplish the big life goals, but I guess they will happen in time. Either I will adjust or my timeline will. I am practicing more self-care and it’s fantastic. Realizing the world doesn’t end if you do things a little slower, or later than expected.
I’m glad you have fun money-you had me worried for a second. You will accomplish your big life goals…they just might happen on their own time or change as life changes.
I find this difficult, because I have a decent job (quite good) that is generally has a bit of visible money, and so I should be further ahead. I should at least have a trip in there somewhere. My friends don’t quite understand why I am living a bit more meager of a live right now. Ah well, I will be all set for savings gobs of money in the future when I switch from debt repayment to sayings 🙂
Hmmm interesting perspective. I can imagine it must be different to have a good job, and people think you should be further ahead. I work in nonprofits, so I could just say that and people understand I am underpaid 🙂 I can’t wait to be saving a ton with you someday!
you HAVE to factor some ME MONEY into your monthly budget. Having something to look forwards to makes the shittier parts of life much easier to deal with
I do have some me money, which I cherish. I need to find a way to fund my longer term goals like moving, traveling without lowering my debt repayments. Thanks for sharing your perspective with me!
I feel the green-eyed monster coming on more often than I’d like to admit. Have you heard the saying “comparison is the thief of joy”? I try to always keep that sentiment in mind, but sometimes I don’t succeed.
Yes, I love that quote! I need to remind myself of that often. It’s hard to eliminate jealousy completely.
Your work ethic and desire to pay down your debt is inspiring and commendable. Balance is important in life though. Hopefully you can find a way to integrate more things that make you happy, and hopefully those things don’t compromise your debt repayment strategy.
Yeah, I feel like I’m in this weird place where I’m definitely working more, but not feeling like I am putting much more towards debt and reaching my goals. I think I should start a savings account for my long term goals and just start putting something there to fund the big picture dreams.
Being debt free is a personal decision and sometimes it is a hassle. I too feel like my dreams are on hold, but in the meantime I have been working on other dreams. Believe me there is going to be a time when you will be able to do what you want to do and you’re not going to regret not having your carry-on luggage of debt with you. Its good that you’re incorporating some you time, because without mini rewards this journey would be even more gruesome.
Glad you have been working on other dreams. It’s important! I know there will be a time when I’m debt free and it will all seem worth it. It’s hard to see sometimes, but I’ll get there.
Great post! I am also a workaholic. I don’t work till 3 am, but I do not ever have a day “off”. Even on a day “off” I still have plenty of work to do on my family farm, on my home business, doing household chores, etc etc. Glad you are going to be taking some time for yourself. It is just fine to do that, just make sure to do everything in moderation.
You need to carve SOME down time. You don’t want to feel burnout or like your work is suffering. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate, too. I’m right there with you, trying to manage it all.
Love your honesty in this post, Melanie. I totally understand what you are going through. Life doesn’t stop because we have debt, but it feels that way sometimes. I hate my debt and I hate that I feel imprisoned by it.
I hate feeling stuck by it. Like I have to think about it all the time, with every decision. I’m glad you “get me” Mackenzie.
“It’s not sexy (to pf outsiders) to talk about how much debt you are getting rid of per month”. It’s not sexy to them because they then have to come to terms with their own debt, and that’s not fun! I suspect some of your friends might not say they are jealous of your side hustle and hard work, but they probably are.
Interesting perspective. I am def jealous of them, but maybe they could be jealous of me. Debt is definitely in the back of their minds, not in the front like it is with mine.
I didn’t have this experience when it comes to debt repayment because mine was very small scale, but when I was working my way through college, I worked SO much it was exhausting. I think I was running on pure adrenaline but I still tried to balance other aspects of life with work and school. It’s difficult!
It is definitely exhausting. I’m trying to find that balance of keeping debt a priority while also practicing self-care.
I know the feeling. Working your way out of debt takes more than just the actual labor, it takes dedication and commitment. I remember being jealous of my friends that didn’t have debt, or the push to get out of their debt anytime soon. I wanted the freedom that they had (although if you’re in debt, you’re not truly free). However, I stuck to the plan and realized that if I became debt free, and focused on building my wealth, I would be free in an entirely different way. But sometimes I do want to go teach in Spain…
I can’t wait to be where you are. My friends are in debt too, and I know they aren’t truly free – I know I am being responsible but sometimes I wish I didn’t care so much. I do want to teach in Spain, travel and not feel guilty. I guess I am just impatient sometimes.
As someone who spent nearly 4 years working 60-70 hours a week between two (low-paying) jobs, who then essentially broke down and went on stress leave, YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
In so many ways I look back at those years and regret how much I gave up – friends, relationships, freedom, fun, LIFE – and for what? To pay down 20% of my debt?! Was I going to spend 20 years of my life like that? (Incidentally, this so-called lifestyle of mine was a big inspiration for my blog title.)
I often downplay how serious and traumatic that time in my life was for me, but
I never want anyone to go through what I went through. It’s been months since I got back on the right track, but there are still so many ways that I feel “broken”. I would hate to see this happen to you.
You (obviously) don’t have to do anything extreme, but you do need to find a better balance. I’m really glad you recognize this and hope that you can find it. 🙂