There are certain people in the world that just aren’t good for you. You know the types. The types of people who make you feel bad when you hang out with them, or quietly (but obviously) judge you for who you are or what you do, or the people who just plain manipulate any situation to their advantage.
As I’ve gotten older, I find myself really wanting to take care of myself. Not only take care of myself, but nourish myself. In my younger years, I was a magnet for people who completely depleted me and left me with nothing but doubt, fear, sadness and insecurity. Because of those situations, I was driven to spend carelessly without regard to consequence. It wasn’t just other people — it was me, too. I was a mess and I attracted other messes. I ate terribly and drank recklessly.
So glad I’ve…matured. But just because I’ve gotten older and wiser doesn’t mean everyone has. There are still people out there that are a bad influence on you and will throw you off kilter, kill your soul, and ruin your finances.
Here are five types of people to avoid to increase your health and wealth:
The Energy Vampire
Oh, the energy vampire. They come in many different forms, some more innocuous than others, but they are all the same. They completely zap any energy and positivity out of you. They are the overly chatty, breathing-all-the-air types, or the debbie downer who is sad about everything, or the constant complainer who has not one good thing to say about anything.
It’s utterly exhausting being around these people. It’s like you can hardly respond to anything they have to say because they’ve already zapped your energy.
Start minimizing how often you see these people, or cut them out altogether. They are zapping your creativity, productivity, and killing your soul.
The One-Upper
Do you know one of these special kind of people who have a knack for just making you feel bad and inadequate, regardless of what you say or do?
Example:
1. Normal person: I’m so excited! I just ran my first half marathon.
The One-Upper: Oh really? Well, I ran a marathon while being pregnant with the stomach flu. It was crazy! I can’t believe I did it.
Normal person: …
2. Normal person: I’m doing alright. Last week I was sick and had to go to the doctor.
The One-Upper: OMG one time, I thought I was going to DIE and wound up in the ICU for a week on life-support. It’s a miracle I’m even here.
3. Normal person: I’ve paid off $30,000 in 3 years making a nonprofit salary of roughly the same amount.
The One-Upper: Oh that’s nothing! I support six kids and pay more to debt on $30,000.
The one-upper can be highly annoying. It’s like no matter what you say, they have a better story, a more impactful experience than you do. On one hand, I can see its merits. The one-upper sees an opening for connection — a conversation starter. But then it turns into something completely about them and their crazy/better experience, thus invalidating yours.
One-uppers can do a number on your self-esteem and make you feel like you aren’t progressing. You see one-uppers everywhere, but especially in the personal finance world. Everyone wants to one-up each other in regards to debt repayment, how much they can save, and how far their money can go.
This is not the poverty Olympics. Life is not a race. Your experience does not invalidate someone else’s. Avoid these people to keep your sanity and happiness intact. Surround yourself with inspiring people, not people who rub it in your face how much better they are doing than you.
Drama King/Queen
In the world of the drama king/queen every day is a new crisis, or at least a perceived crisis. There is always some level of insane drama that never seems to go away, or get resolved, and is perpetually lingering.
It’s a way of life. You ever notice that some people just feed off of drama? It’s like they’re addicted to it. They don’t know what to do without it. So even if there’s no drama, they’ll find some.
These people can be a huge energy and money drain. Avoid at all costs.
I’mSOBUSYIcan’t
OMG I’m so busy right now, I can’t hang out.
Too much going on.
Three months pass by after sending an email…then finally a response.
You know the busy bodies who never have time for you, because they are sooooo busy. Here’s the thing. Everyone is busy. Yeah, that’s right. Everyone. Not just you. Thanks for trying to fit me in to your precious schedule.
But really, everyone is busy and is managing various priorities. If someone is really important to you, you’ll make time for them plain and simple. Even if it has to be weeks ahead, even if you have to stay in touch via email or text for a while.
These types of people are notorious for flaking. I can’t tell you how many times I’ll schedule a happy hour with one of these people, order my drinks, and wait…and wait…and wait. Then get that notorious text.
Sorry, got caught up with stuff. Can we reschedule?
Being the nice person I am, I will kindly oblige. But I’m pissed because I just made the effort to be some place and I’ve already spent money and now I’m drinking alone. Triple fail.
Gossiper
Gossip is a type of currency for these types of people. You can’t even have a conversation without talking smack about someone else, or dish the latest news of info that normally should be completely confidential and discreet. At first you feed off their exciting energy and insight, but quickly you realize everything they say is talking crap about someone else.
Then you start to wonder. What do they say about me? What have they shared about me? The gossiper is notorious for sharing lascivious and confidential details, while making you feel like you are the only one they are sharing that info with. Well, guess what, you’re not. They’re gabbing all over town. Don’t trust these people, they are not your friends. You will have to do damage control eventually.
By avoiding these 5 types of people you can increase your health and wealth and start living a well-rounded, balanced, and meaningful life.
And my confession? I’ve been every single one of these people. I’ve catastrophized situations that weren’t that bad, I’ve completely emotionally drained my friends with my breakup baggage, I’ve gossiped at work about the latest news, and I’ve done my own share of one-upping to make myself feel better, and I’ve been “too busy” to hang out with friends.
I’m not proud of it, either. But I’ve recognized these traits in myself and realized I don’t want to be like that, or around others that are either.
Out of the five, which type of person drains you the most? Which one can you most closely relate to?
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45 comments
Right on, Melanie. We’ve all acted a bit like these types now and again. Thanks for the reminder that I do not want to be THAT friend!
Don’t be THAT girl! haha
I have no patience for a drama queen at all. Perhaps because I work in a male dominated field, I don’t experience this much. And when I do, yuck, yuck, yuck…
I know I am the one upper. I catch myself doing it and I try to stop myself, but I do it all.the.time. I’m not actually trying to one up. I’m trying to connect and share a similar story (which just happens to usually be a topper). I’ve started trying to just ask the person more questions about their experience and just not share mine at all, but it’s sooooo hard!
I know! I can be guilty of it, too. I think there is an appropriate time and place to share a story and you just need to know when that is. Sometimes it is better to just listen. It’s really hard for me, too as I’m a chatterbox!
I have had friends in all these categories and as I get older, I have removed myself from them one by one. I watched an Oprah one time and she talked about removing the negative energy from your life and all of these people represent negative energy. For me, the drama king/queen have been the most exhausting because they live in a constant state of amped up emotions and it is difficult to be in their presence.
It’s really hard to stay positive when someone is so negative. And for so long I was that person and am so glad my bf and parents stuck by me — and glad I changed myself, just in time 🙂 Luckily, my negativity was due to serious rough patches, but some people that is just their MO.
So true Melanie! Over the years I’ve managed to cut out the people who were not a good fit for me. I haven’t been always the ideal friend either, especially during my twenties, but karma does have a way of teaching us important lessons.
I just don’t have patience for it as I get older. I have not been the best of friends either, but try to get better and connect with people and show them I care.
I recently moved to a different state and realized how much negativity was filled in my life everyday from the people I was surrounded with. Everyone needs to make a decision to let some of those toxic friends go in their life, even if it is hard.
Yep! It’s just not worth it.
Drama Queens and Gossipers are the ones I try to stay away from. I really don’t care about other people’s lives unless is something positive.
I do have a friend who is an “One-Upper” and everything anybody says, he has some other story to top it. He also tries to put your things down. “Oh look at the new phone I got!” “Well that’s cool, but you know, it’s not top of the line.”
I hear ya about the gossipers and drama queens. It’s like, really? Who cares? The one-upper can be seriously annoying and people that just put you down are worse!
All of these are so true, and very familiar. I distinctly remember one friend of a friend who had to be a one-upper, constantly. It was very obvious he was insecure about himself, and more annoying that he had to make everything into a competition. I’ve definitely been a debbie downer/complainer, especially when it came to work. Not to make an excuse, but it can be difficult as its often part of the office mentality. Everyone seemed to love to gossip and complain, and to get away from that was almost impossible!
Yeah, one-uppers are so insecure. You are so right; office mentality really does breed off of gossip and complaining. No wonder people don’t like going to work. I try to catch myself when I do that, as I can be guilty of it myself.
The one upper really annoys me. I recently had someone say a really horrible one upper to me. It turns out I may be a carrier for a fatal disease that may be passed down to my future children (I am getting tested soon), and this person then said “Oh well I might be a carrier for _____ so at least you are luckier than me!” UGHHH!
OMG that’s horrible. I’m sorry about your situation and even sorrier you had to deal with that person.
I can’t do Energy Vampires, especially complainers.
I most relate to I’m too busy. I do that a lot!
I can complain a lot, but I try to keep myself in check. I also am busy, but try to prioritize friendships, too.
The one-uppers are definitely the ones who get under my skin the most. Not everything is a competition!!!
Haha right? It’s like CHILL OUT. Let me have my moment, ok?
The older I get in life, the more I realize I must “keep my own counsel.” If you don’t want something repeated, don’t share it, especially with those you who know have a loose tongue!
Also, I once read that one should never begin a statement with “At least…” when someone is sharing some bad or difficult news with you about his/her life. I never forgot that because it trivializes the pain that person feels at the moment. Now, I really try to be a good listener.
You are so right! Some things are meant to be private (even though it doesn’t seem like it with the way social media is going). That’s really interesting about “At least…” I don’t think I say it that often, but I can see how it demeans someone’s point of view.
There are multiple people I am around a majority of my day who are the “verly chatty, breathing-all-the-air types.” I’m an introvert so it becomes too much and just ends up draining me to be around extroverts who get their energy from talking constantly.
This is a great reminder for me as I’m an extrovert — sometimes I chat too much when I’m nervous or just getting to know people. Listening is something I’m working on, as we all process info differently and have different energy levels.
We all need this reminder to watch our habits! I especially hate the “I’m so busy” person. I had a friend who is now an acquaintance because she would quadruple book and then run late (hours) for social events and then grace us with her presence. I found it rude, insulting and self-centered. I also have avoided gossipers because I just don’t want to hear it and I want to keep things calm in my world.
I know people like that, too. No thanks, my time is just as precious as yours and you are wasting mine!
Love this post, Melanie! I would say I am bothered most by the drama king/queen – no thank you! I don’t want any drama queens in my inner circle, that’s for sure. And I most closely relate to the gossiper – even though I catch myself and try not to gossip, old habits die hard I tell ya! It’s a work in progress 🙂
Old habits do die hard, indeed. Drama king/queens are sooo draining!
I definitely recognize most of these types of people. Like you, I am guilty of being them at different times, unfortunately.
Unlike DC, I’m the very chatty person!
I’m also a chatterbox! Sometimes I annoy myself, lol.
Arghhh, all of these kind of people are soooo hard to deal with! Energy vampires are very hard for me to deal with because I am a true introvert. For me to go out and be in a social setting, and *then* have to deal with an energy vampire…I’m lucky I don’t run away screamimg! 😉
Haha I can imagine it must be hard. As an extrovert, I need to watch myself sometimes.
I suppose I am guilty of a few of these now and then. Thanks for reminder not to be one of these people and to avoid them too.
We all can! That was my point at the end — yes, I was criticizing these types, but I also recognize all of us can take on some of these qualities too.
Anyone who complains about everything is someone I like to avoid. Everyone has a hard job, falls on tough times, doesn’t like this, that, or the other, but those people that constantly complain about their life with no real reason to do so are the ones that I try to avoid. I’ve worked pretty hard at getting my life situated in a way where I don’t need to deal with unnecessary baggage. Great post Melanie, and I do love the new design!
Perma-complainers are tough! I have a penchant for complaining, so I try to catch myself. No good comes of it. So glad you liked the post and my new design. 🙂
I literally lived with one person who was ALL of these things. It was terrible. Uhg. Getting out of that living situation was the best thing for my personality, my relationship, my self esteem, and my motivation.
That sounds awful! Glad you got out.
I can so relate to the energy vampire and one-upper! I actually dumped my best friend last year as part of my journey of removing negativity from my life. She was a sweet girl that loves to travel and for many years I supported her in every way I could and loved listening to her stories. But eventually things changed and she started only talking about herself and her travels, always looking for affirmation. “Oh look I have been to over 40 countries, I spent more time abroad than you, you can’t beat me” She made me feel inferior when I mentioned that I want to be a mother one day and that I’m content with living a normal, quiet life. (which is arguable as I’m a skydiver looool) After only getting emails from her for months solely about her future travels including complete itineraries but not one asking me how I was doing I was like “thanks for the years of friendship but we better go seperate ways” It was hard but in retroperspective I made the right choice.
Thanks for stopping by, Jenny! I am sorry it didn’t work out with your friend, but sounds like it’s for the best. When people stop asking about you and just broadcast their good news, that is not a friendship.
Wow! I’ve definitely had to cut myself from some of these people as I’ve gotten older and learned what true friendship was about. I’ve also been one or two of these people when I was younger unfortunately and felt insecure with myself, or the way things were going for me in my life. Great post!
ha ha this is great! I can’t stand every one of those types. I had to laugh at the busy one. There is a girl I know who I see at my gym who every time says, “OMG WE HAVE TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL SOON” and when I text her to play it’s “OMG I can’t I’m so sorry!”I give up! lol! Yeah the one-upper…drives me crazy!
Haha yeah I know the type. It’s like, why bother? The one-uppers are so annoying! It’s not a competition.
Love this! And your honesty!
Thank you!