I’ve been quiet here and for good reason. These past few weeks have been the toughest. A perfect storm of political nightmare, professional setbacks, and personal turmoil set the tone for my days. It seemed as soon as I would recover from one thing, another thing occurred. I couldn’t quite fully recover. So I’ve been trying to keep up with my work, but also practice extreme self-care. I’m trying to ride out this tough moment and find the hope and silver lining somewhere.
I wanted to write an eloquent post about what to do when everything goes wrong, but I realized I still don’t have any answers. I’m only left with questions.
Where do you find the words when words don’t seem enough?
How do you move on after falling on your face?
How do you let go when you’re not ready?
How can you forgive yourself for mistakes?
How do you recover from the hurt, the anger, the fear?
Where can you put all your disappointments when you no longer want to carry them?
How do you get out of bed when hardly anything seems worth it?
How do you stay strong when you feel anything but?
How can you remain vocal when you feel shut down?
How do you get over foreboding uncertainty?
I guess through time the answers will present themselves some way, some how, but for now, I do the work. I show up. I try not to recoil under the stress and difficulties of certain situations. I try to not let certain setbacks affect my confidence or derail my productivity.
But after all, I am human. A sensitive one at that. One of my greatest assets is my ability to feel and be empathetic toward others — I think it’s what makes me relatable and has added to my success. On the other hand, when things go wrong, I feel them deeply. I beat myself up about it and continue to question everything. I want to do well in everything I do. I want people to like me. I want everything to work out. In life, bad things can happen, and instead of dwelling on those things, it’s time to persevere.
As Bukowski said, “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.”