It was all a lie

by Melanie

Dear Debt,

I don’t think you’ve ever really loved me. After all these years, I’m haunted by what feels like a farce.

Am I the butt of your joke? Is this a game to you? I wish we could go back to the way it was.

I remember the honeymoon phase like it was yesterday. You made me feel complete, and safe. I felt like I could do everything with you. It was as if only you and I existed and we created this beautiful world around us where everything was perfect.

But the perfect life was wrapped in lies.  It was only our imagination. Fake money, fake dreams, fake lives. Fake, fake, fake. Phony. Liar. Failure.

You’ve failed me, and I’ve failed you.  It’s time to get our shit together. I’m too old for this.

I have to get the courage to leave. I have to stand up to you – and say NO. I will not allow this to happen. Not this time, not again.  I’ve dealt with the psychological abuse long enough and I need to heal.  I can’t pretend everything’s ok anymore. I just can’t do it.

The truth is screaming out of me.  Those unwanted words are waiting for you to pick them up. Put me back together again.

I’m fragile and scared – I don’t know what it’s like to be without you.  Part of me wants to hang on, because what will I do? Who will I be? So many questions and not enough answers.

There are no answers.

There are only choices.

I am making a choice.

Goodbye,

Melanie

Melanie
Latest posts by Melanie (see all)

17 comments

Laurie @thefrugalfarmer February 19, 2014 - 12:45 pm

Melanie, this so resonates with me. Last night I saw a commercial for a major credit card, and this was the exact feeling that was coming through the screen – that feeling that you are safe, successful and “free” with your (insert CC name here) card by your side. Liar, liar, pants on fire!!!

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Tonya@Budget and the Beach February 19, 2014 - 2:11 pm

I’m constantly tempted by “debt” to just say f it and buy a new wardrobe or take that once in a lifetime vacation. But I would be doing so on a lie. Wow that was very Suze Orman of me. Yikes! 🙂

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deardebt February 21, 2014 - 7:21 pm

Ugh it’s so tempting just to have the life you want, borrowed on credit. But YES it is a lie.

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Peter H. February 19, 2014 - 3:06 pm

I gotta write a letter like this to my credit cards. LOL

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deardebt February 21, 2014 - 7:20 pm

Please do and send it to me?! I’d love to have you write a letter!

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Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life February 19, 2014 - 6:34 pm

“only choices”… ain’t that the truth.

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deardebt February 21, 2014 - 7:20 pm

Yeah I’ve realized the idea of right and wrong answers doesn’t really resonate with me anymore. We make choices, things happen.

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Shannon @ Financially Blonde February 19, 2014 - 7:57 pm

It is all a lie, and it is so heartbreaking when you realize a relationship is built on lies and dysfunction. It takes strength to walk away, but at least you know you are walking toward something better down the road.

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deardebt February 21, 2014 - 7:19 pm

It is heartbreaking, but empowering to move forward.

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jefferson February 20, 2014 - 2:17 pm

Stuff won’t make you happy. Don’t listen to the commercials. The novelty will wear off quickly.

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deardebt February 21, 2014 - 7:16 pm

Agree! It’s just endorphins. Find things that are free, and last a while.

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La Tejana @ Debt Free Tejana February 21, 2014 - 3:32 am

Lies lies lies! So true.

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deardebt February 21, 2014 - 7:15 pm

All of it!

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Mackenzie February 21, 2014 - 3:49 am

Preach it girl!!! I can TOTALLY relate to this post!!!!!

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deardebt February 21, 2014 - 7:15 pm

Glad you understand, Mackenzie 🙂

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Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com February 21, 2014 - 6:53 pm

Good for you for BREAKING UP with Debt! It took me many years to finally end THAT toxic relationship….that’s why I call debt a big succubus! It sucks the very life out of you making everything seem sad. Don’t give up!

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deardebt February 21, 2014 - 7:14 pm

Yes, this time it’s for good! It really does suck everything out of you and it takes a lot of effort to be strong. Thanks for your encouragement 🙂

Reply

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