February 19, 2014

Dear Debt,

I don’t think you’ve ever really loved me. After all these years, I’m haunted by what feels like a farce.

Am I the butt of your joke? Is this a game to you? I wish we could go back to the way it was.

I remember the honeymoon phase like it was yesterday. You made me feel complete, and safe. I felt like I could do everything with you. It was as if only you and I existed and we created this beautiful world around us where everything was perfect.

But the perfect life was wrapped in lies.  It was only our imagination. Fake money, fake dreams, fake lives. Fake, fake, fake. Phony. Liar. Failure.

You’ve failed me, and I’ve failed you.  It’s time to get our shit together. I’m too old for this.

I have to get the courage to leave. I have to stand up to you – and say NO. I will not allow this to happen. Not this time, not again.  I’ve dealt with the psychological abuse long enough and I need to heal.  I can’t pretend everything’s ok anymore. I just can’t do it.

The truth is screaming out of me.  Those unwanted words are waiting for you to pick them up. Put me back together again.

I’m fragile and scared – I don’t know what it’s like to be without you.  Part of me wants to hang on, because what will I do? Who will I be? So many questions and not enough answers.

There are no answers.

There are only choices.

I am making a choice.




Melanie is a freelance writer currently living in Portland, Oregon. She is passionate about education, financial literacy, and empowering people to take control of their finances. She writes about breaking up with debt, freelancing, and side hustle adventures at DearDebt.com.

Currently she puts more than 50% of her income towards debt, while living a frugal, fun life. In addition to her love of personal finance, art and music, she is also a karaoke master. Follow the adventure @DearDebtBlog.

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17 responses to “It was all a lie”

  1. Melanie, this so resonates with me. Last night I saw a commercial for a major credit card, and this was the exact feeling that was coming through the screen – that feeling that you are safe, successful and “free” with your (insert CC name here) card by your side. Liar, liar, pants on fire!!!

  2. I’m constantly tempted by “debt” to just say f it and buy a new wardrobe or take that once in a lifetime vacation. But I would be doing so on a lie. Wow that was very Suze Orman of me. Yikes! 🙂
    Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…My Frugal Year…My Profile

  3. Peter H. says:

    I gotta write a letter like this to my credit cards. LOL

  4. “only choices”… ain’t that the truth.

  5. Shannon @ Financially Blonde says:

    It is all a lie, and it is so heartbreaking when you realize a relationship is built on lies and dysfunction. It takes strength to walk away, but at least you know you are walking toward something better down the road.
    Shannon @ Financially Blonde recently posted…7 Tips to Raising a Financially Fit KidMy Profile

  6. jefferson says:

    Stuff won’t make you happy. Don’t listen to the commercials. The novelty will wear off quickly.
    jefferson recently posted…Taekwondo For Kids: Worth the High Cost?My Profile

  7. Lies lies lies! So true.
    La Tejana @ Debt Free Tejana recently posted…Does a Budget Really Matter? (and new loan payment totals!)My Profile

  8. Mackenzie says:

    Preach it girl!!! I can TOTALLY relate to this post!!!!!
    Mackenzie recently posted…No More Strength To The ConquerorMy Profile

  9. Good for you for BREAKING UP with Debt! It took me many years to finally end THAT toxic relationship….that’s why I call debt a big succubus! It sucks the very life out of you making everything seem sad. Don’t give up!
    Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com recently posted…Five Ways To Slay The Succubus of Crippling DebtMy Profile

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