I don’t think you’ve ever really loved me. After all these years, I’m haunted by what feels like a farce.
Am I the butt of your joke? Is this a game to you? I wish we could go back to the way it was.
I remember the honeymoon phase like it was yesterday. You made me feel complete, and safe. I felt like I could do everything with you. It was as if only you and I existed and we created this beautiful world around us where everything was perfect.
But the perfect life was wrapped in lies. It was only our imagination. Fake money, fake dreams, fake lives. Fake, fake, fake. Phony. Liar. Failure.
You’ve failed me, and I’ve failed you. It’s time to get our shit together. I’m too old for this.
I have to get the courage to leave. I have to stand up to you – and say NO. I will not allow this to happen. Not this time, not again. I’ve dealt with the psychological abuse long enough and I need to heal. I can’t pretend everything’s ok anymore. I just can’t do it.
The truth is screaming out of me. Those unwanted words are waiting for you to pick them up. Put me back together again.
I’m fragile and scared – I don’t know what it’s like to be without you. Part of me wants to hang on, because what will I do? Who will I be? So many questions and not enough answers.
There are no answers.
There are only choices.
I am making a choice.
Currently she puts more than 50% of her income towards debt, while living a frugal, fun life. In addition to her love of personal finance, art and music, she is also a karaoke master. Follow the adventure @DearDebtBlog.
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