If you are feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK http://www.Suicide.org
Ever since I discovered that someone found my blog by searching “I want to kill myself because of debt,” I’ve been really touched and hurt by this. I wrote the post, Please Seek Help as a note to people, figuring more people would find it.
Sure enough, the search terms about suicide and debt have increased — and are starting to appear weekly. Every time I look at my search terms and see this, my heart sinks and my eyes start to well up.
I know your pain.
Maybe not in the same way, but I know.
You feel isolated.
Hopeless.
Like it won’t get better, ever.
Nothing will make it right.
You feel the world would be better off without you (which isn’t true).
You beat yourself up again and again about being in debt because of the mistakes you’ve made or the bad luck you’ve had.
But I promise you, killing yourself is not the answer.
You are not a loan. YOU are not ALONE. OK?
I want to jump through my computer and give you a hug. Shake you and say your life is worth so much more. I understand what it’s like to want to no longer exist and just wash away without a peep. To self-medicate with everything that is bad for you, just to feel better, even for a minute. That was pretty much my whole life from age 15-22. Seven years of pain and trouble.
For a brief while before I started this blog, I also felt similarly desperate about my debt. I couldn’t find a full-time job and everything I worked for seemed to be for nothing. I was left with nothing but debt. I felt like I was drowning. I worked hard, but for what? I was diving deeper into a depression and was driving everyone crazy with my constant cries for help. But then I started this blog, as a way to get it out, talk to someone, anyone, about my debt. And I found my community. Things have changed so much since then until now, and I’m happy.
And you deserve to be happy too. Debt can be life-sucking and soul-crushing, but it’s not worth your life.
Your life is priceless. Don’t think your debt is worth more than you. Your debt doesn’t make you a bad person or a stupid person.
Killing yourself over debt simply isn’t worth it. Believe me. And you’re not going to make anyone else’s life easier either — quite the contrary. Please don’t think you’re doing your family a favor.
If you are reading this and have experienced these thoughts, please seek help. Feel free to reach out to me and we can chat. I’d be happy too. And if that is too much, please seek help from a professional.
Debt sucks, but you can beat it. It does not define your self-worth. It’s part of who you are, but not what you are.
You are worth so much more and this is only temporary. Don’t make a permanent decision on a temporary feeling.
You are lovely, beautiful, and courageous.
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191 comments
I remember when you wrote that note regarding the first search term, and I actually thought it might increase by having that article. But if they find you, I pray they’ll find hope. It’s a very difficult thing to deal with and many people who aren’t “actively” in debt don’t understand how difficult it can be. Everything you’ve said is so true though… I is temporary.
I will expect more now…but hopefully this will help a little.
There is no escape
The walls are always closing in
No relief
I put myself here
I understand how you feel. It feels suffocating. Like you just want it to be over. Can you have some self-compassion here? You say I put myself here. Maybe that’s the case, but you can also get yourself out. I believe in you and I’m here for you.
Actually I’m the one person in this world who can say he is alone and has nobody that cares about me, and that’s okay I recently just got a speeding ticket that pretty much just ruined my life so unfortunately for me I am going to kill my self my question is would anyone have to pay for it
I care about you and am emailing you. I know it feels overwhelming now but it will get better.
I hope you are still here …. I have felt the same way …. I am so lonely , but have brothers that treat me so bad . I really hope you did not hurt yourself over that stupid ticket .
I just feel crushed, I am in a hole and no idea how to get out of it. I am 22 years old I should be preparing for a family and I am struggling to even get food. I attempted to even open up an art shop on Etsy only to further remind myself I am in a deep hole and honestly it just feels hopeless. I see all of my old classmates graduating college with awesome degrees yet I just flunked out last semester and I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life because I also lost my shitty job I did have. I know money isn’t everything, but it’s not nothing either.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I just sent you an email with more info.
I am so tired of life. Everyday is hard. It’s hard to just breath and exist let alone work. I graduated college a year ago and went from full financial support to none. I feel like such a stupid loser bc I put myself in all my financial hardship. I don’t know how to live so broke and how to cope. I just want it to stop. Everytime I get a paycheck it is all gone. I am scared to ask for help. I can’t even afford therapy anymore after my doctor charged my $200 for missing my appointment.
You are not a stupid loser! You just graduated! I know, it’s rough out there. You are not alone. Try texting HOME to 741741 or calling 311 for local resources.
You say killing yourself isn’t worth it, I will be destitute in my old age…a pauper. The world is just some vicious cold machine and I see no way out. To pay my debts I will have to demolish my inheritance and I’m 70 years old, unemployed and I can’t seem to findany.employer who wants me. My wife has a paranoid psychosis
All of her family hate me. My personal family are all dead. I feel like throwing up all the time.ALL THE TIME. I can’t get any peace. We rent from my motherin law and she wants to throw us out because she says she wants to sell the house. My friend in North carolina has a nice house he will let us live in rent free, but I have to spend thousands to declutter this house and pay the movers. I’m 70 years old with a torn rotator cuff. I can’t do the moving. Also my credit is poor and I don’t know where I could get a loan without any earned income
I just want to fall asleep and never wa l e up. WHY WONT GOD TAKE ME? I have given and given until I’m spent
Life is unbearable. My wife and my cats need me though and they’re the reason I’m here
The cruelty of my wife’s family makes me sick and I hope karma makes them pay the rest of their life’s. I hope the pain they’ve caused us come right back at my mother in law, my sister in lawsa and my two stepdaughters. They are are I grates and horrible people . My wife’s illness cost me my job, so I have to live on the ss pension of mine and money from my inheritance, which I haven’t paid on because what I take out I need to survive.i am Ina sinkpit of muck and don’t know how to climb out of it. I’m just too old for this. It’s one crisis to another
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds awful and exhausting. Consider contacting the National Foundation for Credit Counseling and seeing about your options. You’re not alone. Life is so hard and I’m very sorry you’re going through all of this.
If you are reading through the comments, let me second Melanie. You are not alone, you are SO not alone, I know what it’s like to what to just end the pain. To not feel anymore. But you can get through this. You can. You can work through the debt, you can work through the heavy weight that makes it hard to breath. Seek help. And if you don’t like that help. Seek other help. Just keep going.
Thank you for your support and encouragement!
I’m Madonna from Philippines, It’s been a rough year for me got unemployed for 6 months now, I am willing tonget back to search for a job but I don’t have any money to start with a new job, I have a lot of debts due to previous family emergency, My dad has ongoing health issue and keep on coming back to hospital, so my rest of my remaining money went to him, now I am planning to end my life, I can’t sleep, no money for rent for shelter and food, no one can help me, every family member and relatives even friends can’t help me, I really don’t have any solution, now I am truly out of money, I just wanna end this and kill myself, it is really hard. I just wanna end this suffering, life is hard.
I’m so sorry to hear about all of this. Focus on what you can now and take it day by day. I don’t have resources in the Philippines, unfortunately. But I’m hoping you find support and assistance.
Thank you for writing this. What a powerful and inspiring message. I’m glad you’re able to reach people through this blog. I think it’s so easy to feel alone and desperate when you’re in a low place, and I’m thankful that these communities exist online and can give hope to folks who are struggling.
Me too! I know blogging has changed my life!
This is all making me sick. I passed.out inthe restaurant parki.g lot a month ago. I guess I’ll have to sell my belongings. And I own nothing except a 2007 acura rdx with 84,000 miles on it. But the I would have no way to get to a job as we only have one car. I see these tax relief people, but I don’t know who is a swindler and who isnt.
This is heartbreaking. I guess I never really thought about how low debt can pull people–and for many of them, it really isn’t their fault. I’m meeting more and more people who list medical debt as their biggest problem. Thanks for sharing hope through your words and your example 🙂
Medical debt is just so unfortunate and terrible. No life is worth ending because of debt, regardless of the reason!
Thanks so much for posting this. Lately I have been feeling desperate about my debt. Trying to form a plan and keep my head above water. I dont feel suicidal but it was nice to read my feelings are not abnormal. Sometimes I feel crazy being this down. It will get better.
You’re welcome! Thanks for commenting. Trying to create a plan can be the hardest part. You’ll get there! And yes IT WILL GET BETTER!
It makes me so sad to think that debt would force someone to take their own life. Thank you for writing this Melanie and hopefully, when someone searches this again, they will read it and find hope. Yes, debt sucks, but living without someone you love sucks way worse.
I agree!
I’m glad you wrote this because there are so many people who think death will solve all their problems when all they have to do is ask for help. A lot of them might feel embarrassed about their situation but by asking for help they’ll find out that they are not alone.
I agree! Death doesn’t solve problems — it often exacerbates them. And you are right, we are not alone! So many people are dealing with debt.
i have debts so i want die now
30000 dollars
It’s not worth it! I emailed you.
Yes death does and will solve my problem! I have no way out!!
No! I just emailed you.
I remember when you wrote that initial post and it broke my heart. People need to understand that they’re not alone-we’re in this together.
I think it’s so important that you addressed this and that we don’t forget that people are in pain and are struggling and that they need support and encouragement.
Finance blogs such as yours and all of the other ones that I read on regular basis offer a great forum and hopefully as safe space for people to become a part of a supportive community.
It breaks my heart, too! It’s so sad — how many people are indeed suffering. I do want to talk about hard issues honestly and openly — thanks for being a part of this community, Michelle!
I’m 54 and through some financial mistakes and some rough luck with a property we bought we owe thousands…
We rent and I cannot ever see a way of being able to buy anything.. I just cannot seem to catch a break.. My health is getting worse.. I feel like I have let my family down.
I am in a very low place..
I am so sorry, Paul. It can be so discouraging. Don’t give up. You are worth more than your numbers.
People are reading and connecting to our sites because of serious issues and they are desperate for answers and support. Thanks for this post Melanie because you said it well.
Aww that means a lot to me! Thanks.
Beautifully written, and so very true. There are many of us out there dealing with debt to varying degrees, and we’re all pulling through, making it work somehow. Debt doesn’t make you any less of a person, and while things may feel hopeless, they’re not. You have the power to change your situation, and it might take a while to do so, but the important thing is never giving up. Confide in others and keep believing in yourself – there’s lots of people rooting for you.
Thanks for your encouragement! Debt is so hard to deal with, but no one is alone — so many people are burdened by debt and it’s not worth dying over.
Ever since I wrote my post on Stress Leave last May, I get emails/comments at least weekly from people that are in pretty desperate situations, too. I am glad that these people take the time to reach out to me, opposed to them being anonymous Google searchers like in your case. So while I can relate to that sinking heart feeling you get, I’m at least in a position where I can actually start a conversation with them and help them out as best I can…
Thank you for posts like this. You have no idea how helpful they are!
That’s so crazy! I’m glad they are reaching out to you too. Sometimes it’s just about feeling less alone.
I love this line “You are not a loan.” That’s exactly it. You are the sum of many parts, which are all fabulous, but some you may just be struggling with. It’s hard sometimes to see past that one negative thing that may be troubling us. There is comfort in number and I hope they know what everyone is struggling with something and they are not alone!
It can feel so overwhelming at times. But people CAN get past it.
“You are not a loan”. Yes! You are not your debt in the same way you are not your net worth. There’s so much more to you than how much you owe.
Bingo!
I am in my early thirties. I took care of my mom for years… and eventually for a few years with no income. I quit drinking after heavily drinking for years.. I started drinking at 15. I was taken advantage of by my next-door neighbor at 15. I should have known something was wrong with him for being an adult involved with a child. I have had other things go on in my life as well. I am working and hate my job. I can’t seem to keep up with all the credit card payments. I need good therapy so badly and just need to keep working. I am in a circle of going nowhere. I am feeling SO hopeless.
I’m so sorry to hear this. You didn’t deserve that happening to you. I quit drinking as well and that’s something you should be proud of. See if your local college offers low-cost counseling. Talking to someone at the National Foundation for Credit Counseling may help as well.
This is a very nice thoughtful post Melanie. I am glad that you took the time to look and the search term and then used it to inspire people to persevere! If you just help one person, you will have made the biggest difference in the world to them.
Everyone… it is just temporary, yea it sucks for now, but there is so much more to life than bills!
Thank you, Kipp! I hope it can make a difference to someone. Even if they never reach out. You never know who is reading this.
This is super important, and thank you for writing it: I hope if people are in trouble, they google the right thing and find it.
It’s a huge issue that not many people talk about – so much shame associated with it. I hope people find better solutions, too.
There is no shame in debt. Yes its tough, yes it pulls us down but it shouldn’t define us as human beings and people. It can be surmounted and people have. I hope those who seek find consolation and courage to face their debt and step into a journey of overcoming it.
Agreed! Thanks for stopping by!
Remembering this is temporary is key to me. I feel like it’s going to be forever, but really, I’ll be debt free in a few years.
Girl, I know! I feel the same way — but then I think I’ll be done in my early thirties. Universe willing, I’ll still be kicking and have a whole life ahead of me.
I had a search term like that late last week too, Melanie and it is very concerning and upsetting. As one who has dealt with situational depression, I can understand, but also know it’s important to gain some perspective. This is a great post. I’ve been thinking about how to handle this on my blog too.
It’s so troubling. It evokes a lot of pain in me, too. Because I remember feeling like that. I responded in the best way I can, but I don’t know if it is enough.
Yes, I agree with you that, killing yourself is not the right answer always.Discover yourself in this beautiful world.It is only for you.
Thanks, John for your thoughtful comment.
I do not have anything to live for. My husband just sold our home to pay off debt. He ruined my life. I’m done
Just emailed you. Don’t do it! Life is not over.
I really appreciate what you’ve written. It does indeed speak to me.
Unfortunately, I do feel the way you’ve described and even after seeking as much help as I can possibly find and is available, even experts have told me that unless I can increase my income exponentially, because my debts continue to increase the longer they exist (yes, even as I’m paying them incrementally), I’ll never be out of it and will essentially be making interest payments for, well, ever.
Every paycheck, by the following Monday, after paying current expenses and as much debt as I can afford, I’m usually left with EITHER enough money for food for the next two weeks or for transportation costs to get to work. But never both. Which has then led me to using payday lenders, which leaves me with even less money. There have been times I’ve run out of money mid-week and had to call in sick because I couldn’t afford the $3 in gas it might have cost me to get in.
My credit has tanked so severely that I don’t qualify for any kind of credit whatsoever (which is probably a good thing) but it also has meant I have been unable to secure housing.
I’ve been in this cycle for 5 years. In fact, in those 5 years, I HAVE exponentially increased my income, but because my existing debts keep growing and my credit has been shot, it’s then made my living expenses equally increase. Without being able to secure housing, I’ve had to live in a hotel at $400 a week. I got a traffic ticket that I couldn’t afford to pay on time and it ballooned into a suspended license, which then made my car unregisterable, which meant every time it ever got a parking ticket, it also got the additional ticket, which meant more expenses that I couldn’t pay.
Do you see how there’s really no getting out?
I suppose the point that I’m making is that while I do appreciate your words and your intent, I’m concerned that for people like me, there simply aren’t any good answers. Perhaps suicide’s not the route to go, but if not that, then is it just, “Well, look, your life might not be what other people would consider ‘enjoyable,’ but you simply adjust your expectations” ?
I hope not. Because there’s not much merit to that unless the premise is that death is the absolute worst thing, even worse than an unpleasant and stalled life.
I’m so sorry about your situation. I know it’s hard. Have you considered bankruptcy or working with a credit counseling agency? There are options out there. They aren’t fun or easy, but debt is not a death sentence! Please email me if you’d like to chat.
Who knew money, or lack there of, could be so powerful. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have googled ways to kill myself over the past couple of months. And I resented my father for doing it years ago because it was such a cowardly way out. And yet. Here I am. Money seems to be the root of evil for my life right now for sure and I just can’t seem to get caught up which stresses me out immensely I have been very sick with thyroid issues so I haven’t been able to have a full time job. Ironically I can’t afford to get well because I can’t work. Go figure. So I’ve fallen so far behind on bills. Trying to come up with even $300 to cover this months rent has got me in bed bawling every night and that’s such a little fraction of the financial trouble I’m in. Last month I had to take out a payday loan to pay my city bill. So what was a 200 bill I payed in the end well over 900 after that crazy high interest. And now I’m at that point again. How does one not just want to end all the stressing!
Jae, I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Are you on food stamps? Or SSI? Apply for all the help you can get! And don’t give up! I’m always here to chat.
I completely understand and feel your pain. Keep making your min payments on all your debts and if you can start hitting the smallest debt with any extra you have until that’s gone, then use that mij payment you no longer need to pay and the extra you were throwing at it and move on to the next lowest debt and on and on.. this along with disputes will raise your credit. Stop the mever ending payday loan cycle, I’ve been there and it’s excruciating and should be illegal. Ask a friend or family member if they’d be willing to help you pay it off and you will pay them x amount of money monthly until you pay them back. . Also go and dispute negative impacts on your credit report over and over, even if they are legitimate and you have already disputed them- dispute them again and again- they have 30 days to respond and if they don’t in time it’ll be removed from your credit report. This will help your credit increase. Once it increases look into debt or credit card consolidation loans. And try to get as many (hopefully ALL) consolidated into one loan with a lower interest rate. Or if your credit gets good enough fond a lower apr credit card you can transfer your highest apr balance to.
If you EVER get a ticket always always fight it in court- I too learned the hard way but if you show up they usually reduce it or if the cop doesn’t show up it’s thrown out and you can make it so there are no points added to your record meaning cheaper car insurance.
Contact local churches, all of them. Tell them your predicament and surprisingly they’ll help by giving you gift cards, cash, food and pay for car repairs paying off your payday loan for you maybe! etc.. so swallow your pride and call. Look into any type of government assistance you could receive EBT, low income housing, insurance if you don’t have it. If you are 1099 or a contractor you can claim homelessness to help get the assistance (i know you mentioned you can’tfind stable housing) oh and bus passes to get to work. If you are now able to drive and have a car do doordash and grubhub postmates etc… and throw all that money at your debt If you have a child that’ll help too w/government assistance. Put up a go fund me page. Get creative and sell clothing, DVDs, anything you own,, items of value on FB marketplace and other selling apps (just be careful) you can also buy off of these apps and FB marketplace by negotiating for a lower price and selling for higher (ive successfully done this many times) do a garage sale,, collect cans and ask friends and family for theirs- if your in a state that does deposits Apply for an even higher paying job that you are partially qualified for (they always train you anyway) get a contract job to add more income, see if you can get an under-the table job or cash job to supplement your income and/or use to get assistance. It’s not scamming the government you clearly NEED help – like me, you only see suicide as a way out. Vote Democratic if you don’t already so the government will work for you and not just corporate America who is the true drain on the government with corporate welfare and tax evasion. Look into every assistance from churches to programs to goverment and people to people funding.. see if any of your devt can be deferred due to covid and hit the other card with the money you would have spent on that. Good luck to you! I hope you are still living, because you HAVE A CHANCE! Sorry about the garbled response I’ve been up all night thinking of my own debt and life circumstances and feeling hopefuless. You aren’t alone!!
I know this is an old post but I can’t keep doing this. I can’t even feed my family. I am checking out now.
Actually, I have thought I was shit for a long time. I respect your attempt here and I do relate. But I don’t need someone to relate to me. I need money. Every plan I make is proven hopeless. My stupidity got me here. My stupidity left me with no options. I do not deserve life
That’s not true! Emailing you now.
I was beating my whole life by my mother and I absolutely hate my life I’ve prayed and prayed and ask for help I all my best friend $3,000 and I’ve tried everything to pay it I am very very sick and on Social Security and I just can’t pay it and now my car is broken down and I can’t fix it I am just done with everything . I give up God hates me you don’t listen to me there is no way out of this other than death. Goodbye evil world!
I’m so sorry for what has happened to you. Please don’t give up and text HOME to 741741. I’m emailing you now.
it is NOT your stupidity, corporate America prey on ppl and especially those in distrss because you can’t think clearly. You got in the trap they et for all of us. You aren’t alone! Look at the comments! Have you thought of filing bankruptcy? Or not an option? If not call local churches they will give you gift cards and food and pay for car repairs and help out unique circumstances. and apply for government assistance for Healthcare, food, bus fare if needed. If you have a car do doordash, postmates, ubereats etc.. throw it at your smallest debt while you just pay the min on all the other debts. Once its knocked out use the money you were throwing at that card to do the same to the next lowest amount card and so on. Dispute dispute dispute anything neg on your credit report, even if legit, they have 30 days to respond if they don’t it is removed. So even if it comes back legit fispute again and again. When credit score goes up look for credit card consolidation loans, or a credit card with a lower APR that does balance transfers (especially when they have balamce transfer promotions) vote for the democratic party if you aren’t already- they benefit the 99% of us vs Republicans who are all about corporate America who pay us nothing so we havw to get gov assistance- corporate welfare, who entrap us into these never ending debts, who don’t pay taxes but we have to and who tax codes favor and who government bail out when they don’t even NEED the help instead of us. Anyway, you DO deserve to live and I bet yoy these were carefully crafted agreements from lenders to purposely trap yoy in a never ending cycle of debt. So not your fault. Oh and stay away from payday loans- they legit need to he illegal and prey on desperation because when in an anxious state we can’t think straight! Don’t blame yourself blame the assholes who set us up to fail and stepped on our backs to make billions and not pay a dime in taxes while we have to pay taxes on our pitiful income that we so desperately need! You are not alone and will get through this!
I am in huge debt.My daily income from my business is very low.I have no otherway to pay back my debts except taking another loan from someone to fund my business.If not what can I do?
Can you increase your rates? Work more hours? Cut back? Sell stuff? Refinance your interest rate? I am not a financial professional, but those are the first things that come to mind.
I need someone to fund my business and I will pay back the loan and interest monthly.
I have no other way but my life has become hopeless.No way to save my life.
Anura, I am emailing you now. Don’t give up!
Your words are really encourage myself..but I cant repay my debts .. my mind is full of sucide thoughts and hopeless feelings,.. i will try to recover from this… my debts depressed me.. i m not get good job till now… i m more unlucky person in this world..
Don’t give up! Feel free to reach out to me.
Thank you for making this post. I think about suicide daily. I’m only 22. But because I dropped out of school due to illness, I owe thousands of dollars. I don’t know if I’ll ever make it out. My family and loved ones are trying to keep me afloat, but I feel like a burden, and a lost cause. And I just wish it could all be better someday. But I don’t think that day will come.
I know it’s so hard. I’m emailing you now.
I did a Google search and this site came up. I am in debt and at 48 feel like I will be paying it off for the rest of my life. I’m on a low income and am struggling to make ends meet. I hate working in a stressful job just to survive. I have a partner but he isn’t working due to ill health, so my minimum wage salary is covering us both. Sorry to go on, but am feeling as low right now. I just can’t see any other way out.
Emailing you!
Hi Melanie,
I am in debt coz of all the mistake I have made in life. I twice tried to run away and go somewhere, but thinking about my parents returned home.
Now situation has become worse, don’t know what to do and over come this. I need a last chance in my life to prove my worth. Please help
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am emailing you now.
Hi
I am in debt coz of all the mistake I have made trusting my friends. I Had tried to Solve my probs
But it is impossible,
Now situation has become Helpless don’t know what to do and over come this. I need a last chance in my life to prove my Self. Please help..
It’s not hopeless! I’m emailing you now.
Hi
My father is in debt. I am not able to see the condition of my family. Borrowers are coming calling daily just to ask for money abusively. Donot know what to do.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Can you work anything out with your creditors?
Got into debt after I quit my job to start a business and a dream. It fell through and I lost all my savings and ended up with 60,000 in credit card debt. I paid this down after selling my one condo still need to sell the other one I had to get a court order to get squatters out and they trashed it. I found a contract job it is far away and my life was once so nice and wonderful and now it feels like a disaster. I got really depressed for a while because I couldn’t Get a new job. I have to pay thousands in child support every month that not sure how I’ll get a head. I felt suicidal for a while luckily got some medicine for it. Need help to get my life back I want to build a better life for my kids and new fiance. I am scared a lot. Help.
I am emailing you now!
This article argues choosing to end life because of crippling debt is wrong. Why? Are those arguing it’s wrong going to pay the debt for those shadowed by it? Or get them living-wage jobs? Or find them rarer and rarer affordable housing? Or come up with a way for them to navigate incessantly mounting costs of living–despite stagnant wages AND (in the US, at least) the loss of good paying jobs to low-wage service jobs? Money makes the world go around. Our great-great-grandparents were saying that. It’s true. So, yes, it’s a valid reason for some to choose to opt out of a world in which a human’s value is determined by the size of her/his bank account.
Tom, sorry for the delay I was on vacation. I understand what you are saying. I know there are systemic factors that contribute to debt, inability to pay, making it seem impossible. I get it. I do. But it’s still not worth ending your life over. There are people out there who know you are worth more than your debt — like me. If you want to chat, let me know.
I just got a notice of garnishment in the mail I will have to go to court and pay court fees as well. All because I had to go to thw hospital when I was throwing up blood if I had known this was going to happen I would have just let myself die if I would have. I make 380 dollars every two weeks they want to take 25 percent of that and force me to live off the rest when I barely make it as is. I have suffered mental health problems for a long time I just found a clinical psychologist who is willing to work with me on costs and then this happens I will have to stop going. My dog needs medicine as well how will i keep that up pay my bills and feed myself with a big chunk of my meager check being taken out. Maybe I should just leave my dog with my mom and end it. I don’t know what else to do. All I know is that if anything happens I will bleed out on the floor before I ever go to the hospital again. No wonder my neighbor killed himself overy medical debt, he ended up losing his house over it. It’s so sad how they are so predatory over getting their money that they don’t care about people. I could make payments on it now but not 200 dollars a month like they want. I just got a new job and will probably be losing it over this.
Emailed you!
Hi There,
I’m feeling a little upset and depressed about myself. Today is Valentines day and I have no g/f. Im trying to stay off social media so I do not have to see all the V-day posts.
Anyways, I have been in credit card debt since 2011 (owe about $18,000) My own fault. To make things worst today, I just got audited from my state that I did not report hours I did not work and will most likely owe about $5,000. (My fault again)
I was unemployed and was really struggling.
I’ve had many thoughts of just killing myself. However, I cannot imagine the pain my family and friends would go through. That’s the part I do not want them to experience.
I want to find a nice girl, get married and have kids and grow old and travel the world, all that fun stuff. But I just feel like I cannot get myself out of this hole.
I am looking for a 2nd job to try and help me financially.
I just don’t know what to do.
I’ve had many thoughts of just driving my car off a cliff, or maybe OD on pills.
But once again, I don’t want to be selfish and have to think about the pain my friends and family would suffer if i ended it all.
Thanks for reading.
Emailed you!
Hey Melanie… I came across your post and it is very positive but i am 15000$ in debt from some bad people 🙁 I want to die because I failed at the biggest risk of my life. J need a miracle or I have no choice but to end myself in 12 hours 🙁 god help me.
Emailed you. Don’t give up!
I really need your email to privately discuss our debt can’t take anymore
Emailed you.
Would love to email/chat with you if you have time. It was nice to read someone say I am not stupid because I have debt. I still feel like a huge failure though especially to my kids.
I emailed you a few weeks ago! Please reply.
I’ve have never been so stressed in my life. I keep thinking death has to be easier than this life. Everything is crashing down and I don’t know what to do. I have a 7 yr old daughter, I feel she is better without me.
I emailed you. Don’t give up!
Thankyou Melanie for this.
I am in the Philippines. I got sick so I am jobless. My father died and spent a lot for his burial. I am a bit better now but I owe around $3,000 and needs to be paid immediately. I want to start my life from scratch but I am depressed and oppressed as collectors keep coming to our house and make noises. I want to repay but I have no money. I wsnt to work abroad but I have no money. If only someone could lend me at least half of what I owe and will agree to be paid back once I got a better job, that would be nice. But no one would do such thing. I will just end my life, then all this will end.
Emailing you now!
I’m 24 and, have been in Dept for years now. I just barely make enough money to get by. Now I’m about to have even more Dept due to dental bills. It really adds on the pressure, There’s been times where I have thought strongly on taking my own life because of it. Just can’t enjoy life knowing that Dept is always going to be there, haunting you. And, determining every dime you spend.
Don’t hurt yourself! It’s not worth it. Please reach out and keep fighting. I know debt is awful and I am so sorry you feel this way.
It’s easy to say it’s not worth it, but is being homeless worth it? Is starving to death worth it? My debt isn’t even that big compared to many others, but it might as well be a million dollars because I’ll still never be able to pay it off because of interest. I can’t even feed myself now. How could death make anything worse? It’s an END. Probably an end to existence, but definitely an end to mu money problems. I have no spouse or children, so I’d say I’m off the hook there. This is no way to live.
Emailed you!
Your blog is not enough to save me from killing myself. I lost hope in everything. I am done…. May this blog help someone else… a true bye
Please don’t say that. I just emailed you.
I am not sure if you will see this but I am so afraid of my student loans that I refuse to acknowledge them.
I have PTSD, depression, anxiety from my parents and other family members and it caught up with me about 5 years ago. Debts has been worse than all of that.
I am literally ruining my life because I am afraid of something that I could easily handle but I earned 11,150 dollars last year and I just don’t know what to do.
Suicide seems like the surest best to not ruin my S.O’s life while continuing to flounder mine. I just don’t know what to do.
I emailed you a while back! Please respond.
I really don’t see a way out. I have a full time job my husband too but it’s just not enough. We have debt for $30 000 and we have a 5 yo
Im sad but I think they can live so much better without this problems and me dying will solve them.
I emailed you!
I just turned 26 and I currently have debt totalling at $16K – $11K of it student loans. I know it isn’t much, but I have been struggling to find a full-time job as well as getting my driver’s license for the first time. I know that I must do the best I can to keep going, but it sure is taking a bit hit on me mentally and suicide thoughts have been popping up lately. I hope I can pay it all back in a year…
Crippling debt isn’t a “temporary feeling.” It’s (in some cases) a life sentence. I’ve been on the edge of homelessness for many months. I’m a single adult, so my debt won’t fall to a spouse or child. I’m a burden on my housemates. I would, quite literally, make life easier for them if I wasn’t in the picture. I have chronic illnesses and can’t afford to eat real food. I don’t give a tinker’s damn if debt does or doesn’t make me a bad or stupid person. I simply have a very poor quality of life. Stress over my circumstances gives me insomnia. Suicide isn’t some dramatic emotional response, it’s a practical solution to this agonizing life that will never improve. I would rather check out than sleep and eat out of a dumpster.
Hi Jameson, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I can imagine how tough that is for you. You are not alone and you are not a loan. It’s not worth it. If you email me and tell me more about your situation, maybe I can point you to some resources. I’m here to chat if you want.
I only have 2k in debt. Which isn’t much, but my children have a deadbeat father who owes thousands in child support and every month the nunber gets higher. Just getting that child support would cause me to break even. But I don’t get it. So every month I am 200 to 500 more in debt than the month before. I am considering killing myself over this 2 thousand before it becomes 3, then 10, then 50. What makes it worse is I tried already weeks ago and screwed myself up pretty bad, making this an even better decision for myself and family.
Amber, don’t do it! Please text 741741 for help. Your kids need you and you WILL be able to conquer 2k in debt. I am here to chat if you want.
This article is ironic to me. I’m suicidal because I can’t even be in a medical debt to get the treatment I need. Everyone says I need residential but they deny me because i can’t pay their expenses upfront. One wants me to put a deposit of $30k an equivalent of ine months stay and get treatment from them before I can apply for financial assistance. If I had that kind of money I wouldn’t need financial assistance. I’m disabled, lost my job because of my illnesses (due to assaults which created ptsd, anxiety, depression, phobia and more) but didn’t qualify for disability, I’m homeless, I have no hope. The reason why I wasn’t qualified for disability which would’ve gotten me Medicare which could’ve paid for my treatment, is because i didn’t have enough work credit because I had to take care of my sick parents. My mother died of heart disease three months after cancer, which is suspected to be caused by the 911 aftermath, claimed my father’s life. And soon after is when I’ve become disabled. I’ve been fighting for six years. I know the residential can make me better and I’d be glad to be in a medical debt but I’m already dead on the inside.
Emailed you!
Your post Melanie made me cry. It’s exactly what I needed to hear but still with no resolution.
Reading the comments, and how many people have commented over the same feelings of depression due to debt.
I know there are people with larger debts than I. I’m working to pay them off steadily, but why?
To not be able to do the things I want? To overwork myself in a job at 54h/wk minimum, where I can no longer receive raises?
To watch the cost of living rise every year without the match of wages to keep the balance I initially had.
Our government and capitalistic society is completely pushing out any “middle class” competitors right into the poverty level.
Personally, I came from a family on ODSP and Welfare. I’ve worked my ass off to get to where I am and within a few years my wage is now a few dollars more than minimum and with food costs going up again next year I’ll be forced, like many others, to reduce payments I’m making and prolong my debt.
My government takes 17000 dollars of my earnings a year which is more than I currently pay for rent (and if I wanted to move from the slumlords that bought this place I’d be looking at double the costs which are nearly impossible with my current budget)
I think the situation is, even if I continue for the next 10-15 years and finally achieve financial freedom, then what? There’s no time left to properly save for retirement, the housing market will have skyrocketed in my area to a point where there is no “American dream”, food costs will have exponentially increased… and even in success of eliminating debt… I would have nothing to show for it. No assets, no vacations, no car, no friends.
The only thing I can really be glad for is to say I was smart enough to not have kids and bring them into the stressful society we have created today. AT this rate I wouldn’t be able to afford to feed them, or send them to college. Let alone providing them with a good Christmas.
I think what some people are missing to say that it’s not just the debt but the fact that the cost of living is increasing so much that every year makes it harder and harder to get out.
Just needed to air that out. Sorry.
I hear you. I am glad you found this post. Inflation has skyrocketed and wages haven’t kept up. I understand it’s hard but it’s not worth ending your life over. You won’t go to jail because of debt. Can you get on food stamps? Is bankruptcy a better option? Are there food pantries? Can you have someone live with you for a while to cut rent? I am not a financial or mental health professional but these are just some things to consider. I am always here if you want to chat.
I really don’t know what to do anymore. I really need help.
I’m emailing you!
i’m struggling right now because of my debts. i really don’t know where can i get money, yeah, i have a job, not enough to pay online loan debts. this is all my fault. i thought that i can pay debts before its due date but not. almost P32,000.
I met a man who seemed amazing and really can be when substances and sex aren’t involved. while I have a child and had to care for my disabled mother my entire teenage and adult life, who unexpectedly passed away recently and my father when I was 5.It was all up to me, no careers or finishing of school, no being paid to provide 24/7 care. So in walks my current fiance’ and he saves the day. A traditional guy who believes in men supporting their spouse/significant other. Has no issues with me working fyi. So we mesh our financials, i have the credit he- the money. Im saddled with debt in my name and he can Lourde it over me whenever he wants. I recently enrolled in school to get my bachelor’s of Science in Nursing- so I don’t have to worry and so I’m not at the mercy of my fiance’ if we fight or if god-forbid he passes like most ppl in my life have.
All that matters in America is money and what you do for a living. That is what your life boils down to. Look at an obituary-at the funeral home they ask what did your mother/father do for work. It annoys me because people are much more than the money they’ve earned and the title they hold. Anyway, off track here. So now that I have 13,000 in debt (between the two of us although he thinks it’s me) and 12,000 in student loans… I cannot leave him, I cannot claim bankruptcy due to my Mother’s passing and my siblings and I inheriting her house. Bankruptcy would force me to sell it, pay my siblings and takw what I owe from my share.. Then my Son and I would be homeless and broke. Because of this I endure emotional and physical and sexual abuse to ensure stability for my son. There is NO way but this. I keep saying I will just stay and really pay these debts down. Now my fiance’ is spending money frivolously on drugs and other things that I can’t have in my home or My life (as I had a previous addiction problem besides that WHO would WANT that life and who wants to see 700 a week go to a variety of drugs that make you miserable) these drugs aren’t in the home when my son is here. My son goes to his father’s house every weekend. Just to clarify.
Anyway. I’ve tried consolidating debt loans and personal. I had one that didn’t cover all my debt so not super helpful. I see no way out but enduring the tumultuous relationship until I pay enough down that the min wage jobs out there could cover monthly expenses, become a prostitute, kill myself (with my son being a minor he isn’t responsible for any of the debt correct?) Try to go to school again: being ADD without treatment because God forbid a Doc can see past a 2 year opioid addiction when I was 18 (now 32 -clean since I was 21) and give me the only effective treatment. Go to school with this relationship sucking everything I have out of me and caring for a child. Doesn’t seem feasible and may just acquire MORE debt. So tell me how is this temporary? How can I get out of it without taking my life or further compromising myself emotionally& physically to make ends meet?
I am so sorry you’re going through this. Can you call your lenders? Lower your minimum payment? What’s the absolute worst thing that will happen if you don’t pay? To my knowledge, it will hurt your credit and you may have your tax refunds or salary garnished at a certain percentage. You won’t and don’t need to die. People need you! You have been so caring to comment on others’ posts. I would check out the National Foundation for Credit Counseling: https://www.nfcc.org/. Also, check out this site and see if you qualify. https://compass.freefrom.org/
My life is about to be over. I owe my bank $1,988 and now I can’t apply for any credit card or loan. I prayed for this not to happen. I don’t know why all this is happening to me. I really don’t deserve all these. I don’t even know where to start from. I feel so empty.
Don’t give up! I just emailed you.
My gf of 3 years doesn’t help financially and I’ve paid for everything. Owe so much on rent, haven’t paid my health insurance since November 2020 so now that is racked up to $500. I can’t afford my own health insurance and rent or anything for me because I’m struggling to pay for everything by myself because my girlfriend is mentally ill and won’t get a job. I’m losing it, I’m about to be 21 tomorrow and I’m struggling so bad. I would love to just shoot myself now. I can’t anymore :/ professional help does nothing, they all say the same thing. Nothing can fix this besides paying off the debt and it’s impossible. I wanna die
I just emailed you! Don’t give up.
At 21 you truly do have your whole life ahead of you. You are still young enough to find/fall into a career, or start a business or…. gosh, they possibilities at such a young age are endless really. I’m 58, we had a thriving construction business and worked our arses off to be successful. Covid happened and we lost EVERYTHING. We rode it out by using all our savings and (unfortunately) had to use credit cards. We have a house 1/3 built (our dream house) but everything stopped in 2020. We are too old to start from scratch and waaaayyyy to tired. We have a beautiful home we can’t live it, but still have to pay the taxes, and of course, rent for where we live now. We are still doing construction but we are making about 1/8th of what we were making, and every single penny not used for minimal food and utilities goes towards the debt so we cannot get ahead. Both my husband and I are stressed beyond what we can handle. I’ve always been a strong Christian, but i’ve lost any faith or trust in God. We could declare bankruptcy, but again, we are just too old to start from scratch. What is the point? We can’t travel to see our grandkids, we never go out, we simply exist in this miserable environment day, after day, after day. No one wants to hire people in their late 50.s (except maybe McDonalds or the like) but that wouldn’t come close to being a living wage for us.
I WISH i were in my 20’s again, so many options then. I think you could make it through this, Me on the other hand, am truly at the end of my tether. Seriously, I’ve been stashing a few dollars away when i can so my husband will be able to pay to bury me.
Can you talk to someone at the National Foundation for Credit Counseling? Bankruptcy might not be great, but it’s an option. I’m so sorry that COVID messed everything up. It did so for so many people. It’s not fair. At all. I understand losing faith and hope. Take it day by day.
I’m $65,000 in cc debt because I haven’t been able to find a real job for 3 years.
I have a p/t job and ss that were keeping afloat enough to pay the bills but now I got cut back to one day/week.
I ‘ll be looking to end this misery next month when I hit rock bottom.
Hey there. Please don’t give up. Have you looked into bankruptcy as an option? I would recommend contacting a credit counselor at
800.388.2227. https://www.nfcc.org/
Please, it’s not worth it.
In 10,000 dollar deep of debt at 21 I can’t do this anymore I’m so tired feels like any and every opportunity I take leads my down even deeper it’s just insane to me how this make me feel this way
I understand how hard it is. Just sent you an email. You have a full life ahead of you.
For anyone reading this, consider contacting a credit counselor at NFCC by calling
800.388.2227 or text HOME to 741741.
To be honest I don’t think I can hold out much longer. I have been battling myself for maybe 8 years now and I’m coming to a point where I’ve almost regreted my whole life. It all feels pointless and today I just realized I made a life long mistake that could seal it all.
I’m 21 years old going through a lot of stuff, I had just dropped out of college. Its hard to explain so much with so little words but basically i told them i dropped out and they were supportive. But now iv realized i had just put myself and them into 50k + interest debt thats due in 4 years but according to emails might be due in months. I feel absolutely crushed. I just dont think i can do it. I really really wish i didnt do college, if i could undo it all i would of just lived life as normal out of high school. Thats why im here on this page. I think end of next year around new years I will actually kill myself if i dont figure something out. I love everyone so much and I feel like I am a great person but I can’t do it anymore. No amount of working out or working full time jobs back to back will be worth it. I might even end it sooner than expected. I am such an idiot for ever even taking on so much debt thinking it would be as easy as graduating then just making all that money back. Now i’m here.
You are not an idiot! I thought the same thing that I’d be able to graduate and easily pay back my loans…and then ended up on food stamps, making $12 per hour. You’re so young and still have so much time to figure all of this out!
My life is in shambles. I have two grown sons that one hasn’t acknowledged I’m alive for 13 years and the other for 3 years. I have no idea where they live or how to ever contact them. I have to pay their Mom $1540 a month from my VA disability and my debts are rising. I can’t pay my electric, water, sewage, phone or some other bills. I’m permanently and totally disabled from combat and suffer PTSD and severe depression. I’ve tried to get any kind of loan I could think of to no avail. I tell the lenders I only need $1500 to get back on track and tell my situation bu no one cares. I’m 61 years old and suffer from many disabilities along with diabetes and I have so much metal in my body I’m in pain all the time. So, I could care less if I live of die. I even think death mu be better.
I am so sorry to hear about this. I just sent you an email.
I have medical debt that all went to collections. It’s from having a baby. It’s ruined me. It’s made me a terrible mother. For two years I have suffered and now it’s reached it’s peak with the collection agency hounding for the full 20,000 even though i had it reduced to 8,000 … I live in a state where they are allowed to take you to court and send cops to your house and … we were in the middle of trying to buy our house and we were just planning to bankrupt me after we got it… we worked so hard to make sure my spouses credit was good and at the last second they’re going after my husband when I thought they couldn’t because he didn’t sign anything… we don’t qualify for free legal help but can’t afford a lawyer. They want us to pay 400$ a month which is way too much. They won’t budge. They won’t accept my documents showing the correct debt amount. They won’t respect that it’s not a common property state. So basically…..bear with me I’m absolutely fried so it’s hard to accurately write out all the details of my personal hell circus that started the moment I had a baby… (actually it started before then, when I was pregnant we couldn’t afford medical care because we didn’t have insurance and he was being collected on for previous medical debt) my baby is probably going to be homeless because of the medical debt from his birth. Honestly….We are thinking of family suicide. That means exactly what you think. But there’s no other way out. Medical debt alone has ruined our lives. Nothing else. Just medical debt. That’s it. We made all the right choices and did all the right things but getting sick and giving birth has destroyed us. There is no hope. There is no help. When will someone do something about this evil system. I wonder if anyone will even care about our deaths. My post partum depression is 100% caused by my medical debt from having the baby. I made a mistake having a baby. I love him so much but because of this debt we can’t ever get ahead. What if one of us gets sick again? What if we break a bone? Even if we magically can pay off this debt what if we just end up in this situation again. I remember being 7 months pregnant and sobbing over my husbands medical debt causing us to go without food and being terrified of the debt that would come with the baby and here I am two years later looking at my sweet child and wondering why I ever brought my baby into the world. I feel so guilty. I should have known better. No one hears us. No one cares. I’m so finished. So devastated. I pushed the baby out. I suffered through pregnancy. I worked so hard. And I got billed for that WORK. I got billed for working hard. And the bill is going to kill us and leave an orphan. He’d be better off with his grandparents. Not with a stressed out worthless set of parents who are trapped by medical debt. Don’t bother living if you’re reading this. It doesn’t get better. You might work hard and lose precious time with your babies and loved ones only to get sick or break a bone and have it all destroyed….,… I am ending it all I’m so done.
Please don’t give up! I am so sorry about your situation. This is awful and I can hear the pain. Have you talked to the hospital? Perhaps both of you could look into bankruptcy or payment plans? I’m going to email you. Please text HOME to 741741 or call 800-273-8255
Amazing how this article is still receiving comments years later. Thank you for writing this! It is still needed! I don’t want to die – but I also can’t live like this! What do you do when you have no income and debilitating chronic health issues.? I have temporary help for the moment – but at 58 i am over 10k in debt and am facing being homeless. Yes I have food stamps and medicaid and SSI of $500 a month- but that’s not going to support me ! even if I were well enough to work- I never finished college due to health issue and my job record is messed up as well due to flare ups and needing to quit. At this point I heber worked in years . Even if I was hired – i can do max 15 hours a week — I would need to make $50 and hour . How am I to do that ?! I am very scared . I don’t even know where to start or who to talk to. I don’t qualify for Lending Club and credit counseling charges! Who can help give me real life advice ?! Is there any hope!?
oops! I am 48 not 58- so still have lots of time left on earth should i choose to stay – and need to support myself
Hi Lydia, yes, there is hope! Have you looked into bankruptcy? I’d also look into selling things on Fiverr and Etsy. Perhaps you can use your skills online? Do you qualify for a balance transfer? See if you can talk to a pro bono CFP? Don’t give up!
I need serious help. I am suicidal because of my student loans (100k at 31 years old. Made a very stupid decision when I was 18). I tried the suicide hotline but it was a joke. I don’t want to put my entire story here but thought I’d try to see if you had any advice I haven’t heard yet.
Just emailed you!
Sometime you just sit down and take a deep breath and think enough i can do this but other times its just not enough.I am at the stage where i tried everything and i cant see anyway out of this mess.I dont know how i am gona manage 130k debt.I just think why bother with it if i have a way out?Just reaching out to see if you have any advice.Dont want to post my story here.
I just emailed you!
I know this is from years ago, but every oath I look down seems like it would be easier to not choose a path at all and to end my journey where it’s at. I’m active duty, and the service had given me so much anxiety and depression, and my heart wants me to get out, but I’m financially at the worst place I have EVER been and I can’t keep up. I’m drowning. I have to make a choice to stay in and possibly succumb to a mental state worse than this, or get out and still suffer because of my financial situation. It’s sad to say money doesn’t bring happiness, but it sure would for me. I’m so unhappy and I just don’t see any point to fighting this battle.
I’m so sorry to hear about this. I know how you feel. Your life isn’t over. I’ve emailed you with some resources!
Help me, please. I don’t know what to do. I have never felt this hopeless and overwhelmed. I have exhausted all avenues. There is nowhere else to turn and no answers to be found. It’s so embarrassing and suicide prevention hotlines can’t help either. I only see two answers and one is never happening. I think I have to kill myself. I dont want to. I want to keep fighting but I am out of options. There is no help and no other way.
I have emailed you. Please don’t give up!
I’ve read your post over and over. I understand and I wish I was in a position to think differently. Reading the comments I feel as though my debts are nothing compared to most people on here but I am struggling I feel like I’m sinking. I have done nothing but cry these last few weeks, there’s no way out. I have made a million plans and tried every route but I have no way out, I am in a position now where I earn and can pay my bills however I will never be able to live because of a £3000 debt I need to clear. I am refused loans even though I am capable of paying them back now. I don’t know what to do. I have two young sons I have let down.
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through, Coral. I’m sending you an email. Please don’t give up!
i’m drowning in debt. it seems the best way to provide for my family and their future, is to commit suicide and let them live of the insurance policy income. I’ve had them long enough that they’ll pay out regardless of manner of death. i’ve thought about this a lot. i had 2 jobs and lost one and now am short about $9k/month. i’ve missed 3 house payments and car payments so foreclosure is looming. bankruptcy will cause me to lose our family home of 21 years. probably 100k in personal loans. 275k mortgage. 70k credit card debt. i want to pay it all back, no one gives you time, and now that in my 50s it’s a lot harder to find work/second jobs. life sucks. i hope the rest of you do better.
Please don’t! Have you reached out to a credit counseling agency? Bankruptcy will be hard, but it’s survivable. Many people have gone through it. Consider the National Foundation for Credit Counseling and contact 988.
I’m so lost in my head! I aint gunna include all my problems in this but I’m pretty sure I’m an undiagnosed autistic adult. I feel like im always the stupid one when I talk to anyone. I’m just the npc to everyone’s story. I don’t want to die but I feel like I need to die. I dont belong amongst the rest of everyone I’m so different. I love who I have become but hate how I’m treated.
My wife of 8 years has given me a sexless marriage. Wont kiss or hug me without pushing me away like im some disgusting freak. So now I don’t even try. I ask her if she loves me she says yes and then she finds out I ordered a weapon to killmyself from Amazon cuz it delivered to her coworker and she asked why so I fucking told her straight up but nope she doesn’t change a damn thing. I guess it don’t matter after all. But now I’m obsessed with philosophy. Like we are In a simulation of some kind how else does light change its properties from a wave to particle based on if it’s being observed or not like how does light now we are looking at it unless whe are in a simulation and only what we see is being rendered. Look it up double slit experiment or do the experiment at ir house its real and god is not(no offense) also in 100 years nobody will even know I ever existed all my lives work is pointless I will be lost to oblivion of history for eternity. And the worl would be better off without me I can spit facts at you on why that is the only reasons to not kill myself are ur typical reasons to not kill yourself is just a lie and a way of saying what you think I want to hear. Most reasons to not kill myself are just temporary problems that someone else can deal with when I’m gone cuz that shit ain’t my problem anymore. I’m always the one being bossed around and I’m such a people pleaser like fuck off do it yourself something I can’t say unless I kill myself. Anyone else here on the same page as me or similar? My bank card is -$1000 so im dreading on that to like no food at home or monet to get any. I spent thanks giving alone with no food but can’t complain since I cancel on my wifes family meet up in chicago like I ain’t going I just sit and stare out a window every time.
I’m sorry I’m just seeing this now. I applaud you for your self-awareness and reflection. I’m sorry to hear about your marriage. Is it possible to leave and start over? I know it’s hard, but may be for the best. Please take care of yourself, contact 988, and if you need food consider a food bank.
I have no way out. Iv’e been through hell and back in my life and have stayed positive through it all. Chronic trauma since I was three, I am now 50 and it hasn’t stopped. The part that gets me is that none of my trauma was self induced. I wont get into details about how I got here, but I am now disabled, living on $1100 a month and literally cant make ends meet. I have doctors appointments all of the time, which I can’t afford gas and my car is a 2007 and I’m not really sure why it still runs, but it doesn’t run well.I have kids and grandkids that I can’t do anything for. Part of my disability is from a brain tumor that has severely damaged my cognitive processing, which makes everything very difficult. I try every day to sell stuff on Etsy or do a podcast or blog or whatever, but I can’t afford to have anyone help me and apparently Im not good at any of it because I have never made money from it. I have a great attitude the majority of the time, thanks to meds, therapy and psychiatrists but at times like right now, I just cant. It never stops no matter what. I can’t budget what I don’t have. I can’t get that dump truck to drop off the big piles of money that we all dream about. Trust me, I hate being in this mood, but sometimes I just can’t. I know this post is old, but still so very relevant to me. Actually 2014 was the year that I was diagnosed with my tumor. Thanks. Sorry. I just needed to vent a little.
You’re allowed to vent! I am sorry to hear about your history of trauma. You didn’t deserve that. Living on a limited income is difficult. I hope things improve in the new year.
Thank you for this but I still feel hopeless. I am 30 with no real “career” sharing an apartment with my mom and this has been one of the worst years I’ve ever had since my last break up in 2018. Before this I was never in a position to where I didn’t know if I was going to make the rent. I was hit by a truck back in April and the officer was so evil towards me gave me 3 tickets that were over $600. Ever since that incident it seems like my life has been taking hits from every field. I’ve been borrowing money that I haven’t been able to pay back. My car is messed up so I don’t want to do too much door dash because it puts wear and tear on my car. I try to just drive it to work and home. I haven’t been getting hours at work mind you I basically work 7 days a week but I just started both jobs. Changed my availability on one job so I could start the other and I just feel lost. I want to quit one job so I can focus on other things but I feel like I need the money. & me working 10 hours a week isn’t going to help me. I have debt that I owe to my bank who is keeping me in debt with the interest. Every dollar I make is already spent before I make it. I owe the IRS, I’m just completely stressed out and constantly am thinking about killing myself. Me and my mom haven’t been seeing eye to eye because she feels I’m not doing enough. I’m just tired, I really just want to be over with life. But something in me is trying to fight. I need help. I need help, but nobody seems to understand. I’m like the black sheep in my family.
I hear you and this situation sounds super difficult. That sucks about the truck and all the things you’ve dealt with since. I’d suggest talking to someone at the National Foundation for Credit Counseling and also there are payment plans with the IRS and something called Offer In Compromise, which may help. You’re not alone. I understand your feelings though and am here for you.
How are you gonna tell people to not kill yourself over debt, yet give zero options as to how to get out of it… that doesn’t help. Like it gives you false hope when you read the article and then a big let down at the end which makes you feel even worse than you did before.. kind of like someone just patting you on the back saying “it’ll be ok sport, just have faith”… but giving no support or way out of the situation you’re in. This article is well intended, but very lacking.
I’m sorry the post didn’t meet your standards. I’m not perfect or a magician. My suggestions are talking to someone at the National Foundation for Credit Counseling, consider bankruptcy, consider a balance transfer, call 988, text HOME to 741741, and check out FindHelp.org. I hope that offers some places to start.
Dear Melanie,
I’m really struggling with the huge credit card debt I have. It’s making me have suicidal thoughts. I have no one to talk to about this. Would you be willing to talk to me about it?
Thank you,
Jennifer M.
Sorry, I’m just seeing this! For some reason comment notifications aren’t going to my email. Yes, feel free to email me and we can chat at deardebt at gmail. I’d also recommend talking to someone at the National Foundation for Credit Counseling.
I am a single mother of 2 boys instead of refinancing my car I did something stupid and got a newer one. I should have thought about the consequences and now I am stuck paying a car for 7 years. Babysitters are expensive for my two boys. I don’t know how long we will live where we are at. What about when my little guy when he gets sick and I can’t work. I have thought about just ending it all. My youngest one would be left with his father. My oldest I would prefer he stay with his grandparents, but I fear that his biological father would take him.
Please don’t hurt yourself. My grandfather died by suicide and I can tell you it affected my mother and my entire family for the rest of their lives. Children need their parents. Maybe you made a mistake, but you can handle this. Can you sell the car and get a more affordable one? Can you do a babysitting swap with another parent? You’re not alone.
I feel like giving up,l have alot of debts,l can’t even take my kids to school l really need someone to talk to
Please don’t give up! Feel free to email me at deardebt at gmail and/or contact the crisis text line by texting HOME to 741741.
Hi!
I accidentally bumped into your blog. I am currently at my lowest point due to debt. I moved in to SG without any family for greener pasture but then I ended up dealing with debt still and I feel helpless and hopeless like how I can overcome this. I never thought putting an end to my life but there are days when I am thinking about it due to my debt. Everyday I am thinking where to get money to pay some, its like I cannot think properly. However, my friends and family are the reason I am still here. They always remind me that as long as I have work, I can overcome and this is temporary and I can bounce back. To be honest, I feel guilty when I spend time with friends and try to not think of my debt even for a bit. Should I be guilty a bout it? Can I still have a normal life even if I am dealing with my debt?
You’re not alone! I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way.
As I typed in I want to die due to financial reasons your blog popped up. I’m not sure how I got here when I work so hard. The cost of living crisis has just crippled me I feel so ashamed and should not be here at 35 years old. I feel like I am suffocating. Your blog was a nice read. Thank you
The cost of living crisis is affecting everyone. It’s HARD right now. You’re not alone. Glad you liked the blog.
Please create an action plan and don’t commit suicide. Some things to think about:
1. If you have federal loans, consolidate and go on the income based repayment. Takes 10% of your discretionary income
2. If you have private loans and they were for an unaccredited school, discharge them in bankruptcy
3. If you have other debts and earn under 50-60k (check your county), discharge them in Ch 7 bankruptcy
Don’t let debt ruin your life. Fight it.
Thank you for your helpful tips!
As far as I can see, suicide by debt is a permanent solution to a permanent problem. Creditors and such folk don’t care, never had, never will. Money is all they worship. The whole world runs on money and one cant survive without it. Jobs don’t pay enough to make any difference. Rich people don’t have these kinds of problems. And for many that say talk to a counselor or whatever, what makes one think they really give a care? No one else is going to feel that hopelessness that debt will end up taking one’s life. I’ve heard the saying, “its better to be dead than to be in bondage”. Creditors hire armies of lawyers and attorneys to make your life a living hell while the end person have no kind of money or defense. The evil court system always side with the evil creditors, and the end person always loses. So why would a person want to live when there’s nothing to live for? Tell me. Its the ultimate price to pay for making a mistake and being a failure.
You’re not a failure and you’re not alone. I’m so sorry that the world is messed up and runs on greed.
What is there to live for?
Nature. The birds. They used to be dinosaurs. They’re still here. Art. Music. Beauty. Sex. Friendship. Food. Drink. Books. Films. Travel. Languages. Philosophy. Activism. Supporting others. Contributing to the world. Taking advantage of having a body and a brain in this very temporary experience.
For me, as a Father of 1 child and a step child, I have a fiance we are getting married this year… Everything is just so hard. I’m not in any student debt. I have about 4k in debt. Although, I can’t get a job for the life of me no matter how many experiences I have had. I’m stuck with a part time working for Amazon. Sometimes I feel like driving off the road or something along those lines. I just feel like I am dragging my whole family down. I don’t like seeing my kids grow up in a mobile home infested with bugs. broken tiles. a shower that is sinking almost to the floor. I have tried for so long to get a good job but I can never come up with any. My current job as a Amazon driver also reduced my hours so I work 3 days a week. Do you know how hard that is. I can’t go to school because it’s to expensive, I can’t take any online classes because that’s to expensive, I already maxed out a credit card over 3k just to pay rent. I just feel helpless. I feel stuck, my fiance also relates to some of the feelings I have… it’s what she describes. I just don’t think I can keep fighting like this. I’ve been doing it for years now and it’s just getting worse. I don’t want to drag my family to the streets. If ending my life means that my fiance can find another man that can take care of her and the kids then, idk… I know I won’t do anything, but sitting alone and with my mind. I can just hope for the best.
That sounds so hard. You’re doing the best you can right now. Are you on food stamps or getting help with rent? Call 311 and see what resources are available. Can you try Rover and walk dogs? I hope your situation can turn around and please for your sake and the kids, keep going.
There is nothing I can do though. I don’t qualify for any government help.
I’m too disabled to work on my feet but not disabled enough for the government to help me.
I’m stuck in a small town with no car and no job prospects that I qualify for. I can’t afford even community college. My credit is trashed from defaulted car loans. We have no community resources here to help us.
Literally everyone around me would benefit MORE if I wasn’t here taking up space and being a financial burden on them. How long do I expect them to help me before I’m alone anyway? I should just go now and help everyone else out. NOTHING about my situation is temporary.
I’ll always be stuck in this body being a burden to anyone who cares about me.
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I wish I could fix everything for everyone commenting on this thread. If I could, I would. My words may not be enough, but I tried.