Are you ashamed of your debt?

by Melanie

When I started this blog in January, I wasn’t in a good place. Not emotionally, not mentally, and most of all not financially. I was driving myself crazy trying to find a job, hustle, pay my student loans and find my meaning of life in a hard time.

I started this blog to stay sane keep myself accountable in the debt payoff process, but wanted to remain anonymous because

a)    I was looking for a job

b)   I wasn’t the best version of myself

You know that thing about first impressions? Well, I didn’t want the “real me” associated with my-not-ideal-self. When you are going through some stuff, it’s hard to put your best face forward and I wanted the safety to complain, rant, wish, dream and dare to think and process everything that was going on.

I now realize that I was also ashamed of my debt. My present was mocking any value that my education had for me. I was ashamed of my dreams that I held so close, I was ashamed I let myself get into so much debt; I was ashamed that I honestly believed education could get you anywhere.

Most of all, I was ashamed of myself.  My debt represented my mistakes and I wasn’t quite sure how to get back on my feet again. I was living on the shelf of regret. After finding some success, and losing your footing, it can be hard to orient yourself again. But the beauty about life, is that it is cyclical. It comes in waves, ebbs and flows that crash sometimes subtly, sometimes with a fierce roar.

This is temporary.

Hi. My name is Melanie and I'm breaking up with debt.

Hi. My name is Melanie and I’m breaking up with debt.

I’ve come a long way since January, and have gotten back on my feet and found some sense of normal and success. It feels good. Damn good.

For all those people who are mired in debt like I am, don’t be ashamed. It’s part of your story. Your journey. Your legacy. Your triumph. It’s ok that we’re not perfect. It’s ok to be human and make mistakes. It makes you more real.

Are you ashamed of your debt?

Melanie
Latest posts by Melanie (see all)

37 comments

Brittany October 29, 2013 - 2:04 pm

Wooooo! Congrats on “coming out!”

Reply
deardebt October 29, 2013 - 2:41 pm

Hehe. It’s a “soft” coming out. Brent inspired it really. Thanks for being a great support my friend!

Reply
deardebt October 29, 2013 - 2:39 pm

Good that you are not ashamed! Amen to being debt free and helping you sleep better at night. We’ll get there!

Reply
Girl Meets Debt October 29, 2013 - 3:06 pm

I knew you would be as lovely on the outside as you are on the inside Melanie 🙂 This post is seriously my favorite post EVER. You’re awesome 🙂

Reply
deardebt October 30, 2013 - 1:55 am

THIS IS MY FAVORITE COMMENT EVER! 🙂

Reply
Grayson @ Debt Roundup October 29, 2013 - 3:06 pm

I used to be ashamed of my debt. I didn’t talk about it and didn’t share my story with anyone. Hell, even my wife knew very little of it. I finally realized that talking about it spurred me to get rid of it along with helping others get rid of theirs. I don’t have any problem talking about it now and my debt taught me some very powerful lessons.

Reply
deardebt October 30, 2013 - 1:56 am

Wow, even your wife? It’s amazing how debt can put an emotional stronghold on you. I am learning so much and can’t wait to reach the other side.

Reply
Mackenzie October 29, 2013 - 4:23 pm

“I’ve come a long way since January, and have gotten back on my feet and found some sense of normal and success. It feels good. Damn good.”

My favorite part of your post!! Good for you Melanie 🙂

Reply
deardebt October 30, 2013 - 1:57 am

Thanks, Mackenzie! It feels great to have you in my corner and I am in yours too, my friend.

Reply
Brittany October 29, 2013 - 6:52 pm

Great post! It’s nice to be able to relate to others out there looking to achieve similar goals. Getting into debt is never something we set out to do, but often find ourselves sunk faster than a blink of an eye. Luckily my debt isn’t too outrageous but I know if I don’t get things corrected and going on the right track now I will be headed down a very dangerous path soon. Blogs like yours inspire me to keep myself held accountable and headed in the right direction. Thanks!

Reply
deardebt October 30, 2013 - 1:58 am

Brittany, thanks so much for the comment. I am glad my blog has been an inspiration. It’s easy to sink quickly into debt but hard to get out! We’re here to support you and work through this together 🙂

Reply
anna October 29, 2013 - 7:50 pm

Woo hoo, way to show off your beautiful face, girl! I agree everything is transient. I do at times feel some shame, but I know the light at the end of the tunnel is near (though it took me quite some time!) and to just keep going!

Reply
deardebt October 30, 2013 - 1:59 am

Hehe, making me blush! You are so close to being done girl and moving on and moving up in so many ways!!

Reply
Budget and the Beach October 29, 2013 - 9:14 pm

Way to own it Melanie! Yay I don’t have to keep calling you M now. 🙂

Reply
deardebt October 30, 2013 - 2:01 am

🙂 Yeah, it was getting old. I’m tired of being ashamed and scared!

Reply
Adam Kamerer October 29, 2013 - 9:22 pm

I’m not ashamed of my debt — it’s most student loans. I am a little embarrassed that I’ve been out of school for almost six years and still haven’t paid it off, though. I had hoped to be further along than this by now.

Reply
deardebt October 30, 2013 - 2:01 am

I know the feeling! I want my student loans gone asap. Onwards and upwards.

Reply
Mo' Money Mo' Houses October 30, 2013 - 1:27 am

When I had my student loan, and at that time I was also looking for work, I was pretty embarrassed. I hated the feeling of being not only jobless but in the red. But it was temporary and now I’m debt free woohoo!

Reply
deardebt October 30, 2013 - 2:02 am

Yay for being debt free! Can’t wait to join the ‘debt-free’ club!

Reply
Liquid October 30, 2013 - 1:58 am

Education does help us in life, but education doesn’t always mean spending money to take classes. Unfortunately they don’t teach us that in the education system. Haha, why would they?
Glad to hear you’re not ashamed of your debt anymore. The world revolves around debt anyway and it’s perfectly natural to have it. In fact, the entire economy would grind to a halt if everyone were to pay off their debts all at once. Every dollar in our wallets and bank accounts originally came from somebody’s debt, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I have a lot of debt too but I never let it get me down 🙂

Reply
deardebt November 2, 2013 - 4:10 pm

It’s a sad state of affairs that the world revolves around debt! I will be glad to kick mine to the curb.

Reply
Morgaine October 30, 2013 - 2:45 pm

Hi Melanie! My blog is anonymous because I didn’t want my family to know about the debt. I told my significant other but not my parents. Yes, I was ashamed to tell them or friends about my debt.

Reply
deardebt November 2, 2013 - 4:11 pm

I completely understand– it’s hard to be ok with it, especially if it’s a sore spot for you. Glad you are part of this community, Morgaine!

Reply
Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life October 30, 2013 - 5:31 pm

I’ve been working on a post that reminds me of what you’re talking about here, “Life isn’t Linear”. It’s not always getting better or easier, but there’s no shame in that. It’s just part of the journey.

Reply
deardebt November 2, 2013 - 4:12 pm

Life is definitely not linear, it’s all a journey, ups and downs, adventure and boredom. Looking forward to reading your post.

Reply
Lisa E. @ Lisa Vs. The Loans October 31, 2013 - 11:15 pm

Nice to put a face to the name! Love this post, Melanie! 🙂

Reply
deardebt November 2, 2013 - 4:12 pm

Thanks, Lisa 🙂

Reply
Eva @ Girl Counting Pennies November 2, 2013 - 2:48 pm

I agree, it is nice to put a face to the name! I think it’s great that you have decided to “come out”, Melanie. I am not necessarily ashamed of my debt, but I’d like to keep some sort of privacy for the time being as I blog very openly and honestly about my financial past, present and future. Perhaps, one day I will share a photo too! 😛

Reply
deardebt November 2, 2013 - 4:14 pm

Thanks, Eva. Trust me, I completely understand about being anonymous. I am not going to “out” myself in a huge way, as I also am very open about finances and emotions, but I was getting tired of complete anonymity. I have met enough bloggers in person, and trying to have people just call me ‘M’ or to not admit to people I blog, just seemed to shut a part of me off. To each their own though.

Reply
Rebecca November 6, 2013 - 2:03 am

I love your last paragraph especially. It’s so easy to get so wrapped up in paying off debts and cringing at the mistakes we made, that we lose sight of whats important. I’m certainly ashamed of mine because its my one big mistake in life (aka my only regret). Working past that number and being able to truly live is a work in progress.

Reply
deardebt November 6, 2013 - 2:11 am

Debt is hard to deal with, but don’t lose sight of what’s important–ever! Thanks for commenting, Rebecca.

Reply
KK @ Student Debt Survivor November 6, 2013 - 2:12 am

I wasn’t ashamed, but I definitely didn’t feel very good about being in so much student debt. I felt like there was a $30k elephant sitting on my chest and I was suffocating.

Reply
deardebt November 6, 2013 - 2:19 am

Ugh, I feel the same. I’m moving through it, though.

Reply
Rebecca @ Stapler Confessions November 9, 2013 - 2:14 pm

I should probably be more ashamed of my debt than I am. It’s student loans, which makes it a little more forgiveable but it can be embarrassing to admit.

Reply
deardebt November 9, 2013 - 5:29 pm

I’m in the same situation! It’s still embarrassing to admit the number, but I am more comfortable with owning my debt now.

Reply
Kasey @ Debt Perception November 10, 2013 - 7:51 pm

I was ashamed prior to starting my blog but I now fully embrace my debt as one more obstacle to overcome.

Reply
deardebt November 11, 2013 - 2:53 am

Yeah!! You’ve gone through so much girl, this is just another thing. You are so strong and brave.

Reply

Leave a Comment

* By using this form you agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More